best friend has changed

[spring0721]

My best friend moved about 6 hours away to start a new job a couple of months ago.  I was excited for her and her new opportunity as she would get a fresh start and be able to live a completely 'stealth' lifestyle.  When I talk to her on the phone she sounds happy and definitely has a positive outlook on life that she had kind of lost after she'd been laid off.  The problem is the new guy she's been seeing.  I've only gone to visit her once since she moved, and when she introduced me and my son to him; he was incredibly standoffish. When I tried to engage him in conversation or ask him questions about his job, family etc he would just put them off and never really answer them.  Anyway, so they have been dating for about 6 weeks and last week she disclosed to him about her transition. I guess things were moving along with them and she's not had srs so she felt it was time to tell him.  Since that night that she told me that, she has not called me or answered my emails.  The times I've called her he answers her phone! At firsthe would say 'she's busy and can't talk' but the past few days he's started saying that 'she's no longer ALLOWED to talk to me'.  I tried calling her at work yesterday because I'm worried, she did answer and when I asked if she was okay, she just said 'i'm fine but can't talk'. I don't know if I should be really worried or if something serious could be going on.

[Anna++]

I'm worried that he said she's not allowed to talk to you.  He doesn't have the right to make that decision, it's up to your friend to determine who she can or can't be friends with.  It would be great if you can get her talking and figure out exactly what's going on.  There's nothing wrong with being a concerned friend

[Shantel]

I'm worried for her too, the guy sounds like a control freak and could be dangerous. You'll have to take a back seat to this Stephanie, you're lifelong friend is going to have to work through this on her own. You could pray for her because there is obviously a spiritual element involved.

[spring0721]

Thanks anna michele and auntie shan!

I know, I am just truly worried maybe he's controlling her and do you think there could be possible abuse? Maybe I'm just letting my imagination go wild.....but so much of me wants to get in the car and drive up there just to confront him and make sure everything is alright....I guess that could be potentially dangerous tho.(not something I could take sebastian along to!) I want to DO something, I feel kind of helpless sitting doing nothing. I may be small but I'm FIERCE

[Shantel]

Thanks anna michele and auntie shan!

I know, I am just truly worried maybe he's controlling her and do you think there could be possible abuse? Maybe I'm just letting my imagination go wild.....but so much of me wants to get in the car and drive up there just to confront him and make sure everything is alright....I guess that could be potentially dangerous tho.(not something I could take sebastian along to!) I want to DO something, I feel kind of helpless sitting doing nothing. I may be small but I'm FIERCE

It would seem that the guy is emotionally abusive at least and could become physically abusive. Don't go driving up there, you may become victimized more than your friend. I know that you are an intelligent woman hon, don't let your emotions overcome common sense.

[Anna++]

Right, the last thing we want is for somebody to end up in the hospital or worse.  I can easily see a situation where your friend is too afraid of him to do anything and if that's the case then finding out what's going on and coming up with an "exit strategy" would be useful BUT your friend has to be willing to cooperate, and you can't let her boyfriend find out.

[spring0721]

Thank you again anna michele & auntie shan, okay I am praying, but do either of you know if i'd have any standing in calling the police? Or they'd just pass me off since I don't actually know if there's abuse.....or maybe a lgbt advocacy place up there?

[Shantel]

Thank you again anna michele & auntie shan, okay I am praying, but do either of you know if i'd have any standing in calling the police? Or they'd just pass me off since I don't actually know if there's abuse.....or maybe a lgbt advocacy place up there?

If it will assuage your conscience in some way you could call, but they would probably not respond to it. Your friend might be upset thinking that you are interfering in her private life. It would be typical of the attitude police get when responding to domestic violence calls to rescue a woman who is being beaten only to get abuse from the woman who is protecting the perpetrator.

[spring0721]

Okay, thanks auntie shan