Drained, beat up mentally, & frustrated.

[PHXGiRL]

I feel weird writing this post but I wanted to know if any of you women have ever felt the same. Usually I am very upbeat and positive but the last couple days I feel drained, beat up, and frustrated. I'm approaching the 9 month mark on hormones and have been full time now for almost two months.

I found myself thinking yesterday after one of my co-workers was having a conversation with me and my co-worker. My co-worker said "he" when referring to me five times then ended with my legal girl name.  As he said that dreaded pronoun I felt like screaming on the inside. It ate me up yesterday at work and I had to leave for a brief lunch just to break up the day and to try and put myself in a happy place. This didn't happen though. I went to lunch sat in my car while stuffing my face with Taco Bell and thought to myself. He must still view me as a "he" it doesn't matter what clothes I wear. Will I ever been seen as "She" by my friends, and my co-workers? It makes me think I should run away. Control+ALT+ Delete everyone in my life and move somewhere where no one knows me.  So to add fuel to the fire I get back from my brief lunch take an incoming phone call from a customer interested in a car and the guy tells me when talking to me, "when I was speaking to the other gentleman". I felt like hanging up the phone but I couldn't I had to muster threw the call and find a way to get this guy in. I deal with this voice issue here at work every day. Will it ever been where I want it to be or do I just have to accept that I will be stuck with this god forsaken gender natural voice that sounds like a man to everyone else but sounds feminine to me when I speak.

I've been an emotional wreck these last three days mentally. I just feel worn down. Last night on Facebook I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends who is also Trans and told her Transition is like another full-time job. I don't think people understand the emotional stress that we put ourselves threw. I've come to the conclusion that I need a break from work and it's time to take a vacation to just check out from reality. I'm hoping to take a trip to California next month with Jenny for a few days.

[MaidofOrleans]

Sorry to hear your having a rough time. I have fears of the crap i'm going to have to deal with when I go full time but i'm not quite there yet. Sounds like you do need a vacay as do I.

Come on down to SD!

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

I get a little combative with the pronouns, especially on the phone.  Most of the time I have no problems, but on those rare occasions I will speak my mind.

And yes, sometimes transition can be a full time job.

But just like the proverbial duck, let it roll of your back and move ahead.  And speak to your co-worker and educate the idiot.

[PHXGiRL]

I get a little combative with the pronouns, especially on the phone.  Most of the time I have no problems, but on those rare occasions I will speak my mind.

And yes, sometimes transition can be a full time job.

But just like the proverbial duck, let it roll of your back and move ahead.  And speak to your co-worker and educate the idiot.

I know I shouldn't let it get to me. It's more a less the meaning behind the pronoun more then the word that is bothering me. If that makes sense? I know this guy didn't mean to say it either him and I had a very good conversation prior to me going full-time. He said he would try and was teary eyed when we were talking. He is a good guy.

Which brings up another one of my problems. I'm TOO nice and non-confrontational sometimes. For example I asked my roommate to clean her bathroom TWO weeks ago its still dirty (i still love you if you read this). Some of the guys here at work still talk to me like I'm one of the guys. Things like this bother me. I'm not nit picking and don't want life to be perfect but it's just that these people know my heart. I feel taken advantage of because I don't make my voice heard. I just want people to show me respect; the same amount of respect that I have for them.

[Michelle G]

Serena dont feel to awful bad, my tall, blonde Nordic beauty spouse has a male-ish sounding voice on the phone and gets "sir" quite a lot, she just thinks its funny, but she does realize how hard I struggle with mine so she doesnt make to big a deal out of it.

 

[anya921]

Hi Serena. so sorry to hear what happened and hope you are feeling better now.

It will take some time for co-workers and friends to fully adjust. Some will get it right a way but with some it will take ages. After one year and 3 months in to full time, I have still have some friends talking to me in the same manner how they used to talk to me my pre-transition.  only difference between now and then is my name. But I can't blame them for all of it. Most of them met me only once or twice after I went full time. But I know they are trying. First couple of months can be very hard and depressing specially with the pronouns and you will feel no matter how passable and good looking you are people still see the old person. But with time it will get better. The people who care will eventually get it right. But they will make mistakes at first.

I still remember after couple of months I went full time I was speaking with one of my friends over the phone and we were talking something about his girl friend and all of a sudden he said " You know I will ask this from A, she will understand things better because she is a girl" I felt like some one just stabbed me, I was in tears and I couldn't even finish my sentences. I told him I will call him back in sobbing voice and hung up. Next day he called me and asked me why I was so upset last day and I just told him nothing.  He called me few more times and finally I told him what happened and how I felt. He said he never meant anything like that and he was truly sorry about what happened. After that incident he was careful about what he is saying. That was just one incident happened in first few months. But with time it got better and now most of my friends don't see the person I used to be. They just see a woman. So after few more months in to full time you will see improvements.

I don't know whether you Co- worker called you he by purpose or by a mistake. If its a mistake then may be you can talk to him and try to explain how you felt. That can go along way.

About your voice, Try recording your real life conversations if its possible. I don't know the legal status of that but if you can try on that.  It helped me a lot to improve my voice. when you are speaking with some one specially on the phone sometimes you tend to go back your old voice and specially to the way you used to speak. So recording and listening how you sounded in a real life conversation will help you to understand what you need to work on and what is already there.

Hope these will help and things will gt better. You look gorgeous and in few months everyone will start to see you as the beautiful woman we all see here.

Hugs

[Dahlia]

Disagree with that statement my work is very male dominated. I am the only female sales consultant out of 28 men. I kick their butts every month even before I began transition.

You CAN be trans and work in any career. You don't have to be ultra fem, computer programmer, hair dresser, gay, etc... to transition in the work place, have success, or compete.

?

[PHXGiRL]

?

It's not a matter if I can do my job or not because I can.

[spring0721]

Serena,

I'm sorry the guy at work was so thoughtless with the pronouns. It sounds like you're having a bad day, so I'll just be hoping it gets better for you! Don't think twice about how you look tho, because you seriously look great!

[Brooke777]

Serena, I feel similar to you. I have been full time since December 2012. Even this week people still use male pronouns on occasion. I have also heard people slip up and use my old name. It bothers me quite a bit but, I try and keep in mind that they have known me as <male name> for about 2 years and non of them have ever been around a transwoman. It is hard, but people are trying. I just have to be patient with them.

[PHXGiRL]

Hi Serena. so sorry to hear what happened and hope you are feeling better now.

It will take some time for co-workers and friends to fully adjust. Some will get it right a way but with some it will take ages. After one year and 3 months in to full time, I have still have some friends talking to me in the same manner how they used to talk to me my pre-transition.  only difference between now and then is my name. But I can't blame them for all of it. Most of them met me only once or twice after I went full time. But I know they are trying. First couple of months can be very hard and depressing specially with the pronouns and you will feel no matter how passable and good looking you are people still see the old person. But with time it will get better. The people who care will eventually get it right. But they will make mistakes at first.

I still remember after couple of months I went full time I was speaking with one of my friends over the phone and we were talking something about his girl friend and all of a sudden he said " You know I will ask this from A, she will understand things better because she is a girl" I felt like some one just stabbed me, I was in tears and I couldn't even finish my sentences. I told him I will call him back in sobbing voice and hung up. Next day he called me and asked me why I was so upset last day and I just told him nothing.  He called me few more times and finally I told him what happened and how I felt. He said he never meant anything like that and he was truly sorry about what happened. After that incident he was careful about what he is saying. That was just one incident happened in first few months. But with time it got better and now most of my friends don't see the person I used to be. They just see a woman. So after few more months in to full time you will see improvements.

I don't know whether you Co- worker called you he by purpose or by a mistake. If its a mistake then may be you can talk to him and try to explain how you felt. That can go along way.

About your voice, Try recording your real life conversations if its possible. I don't know the legal status of that but if you can try on that.  It helped me a lot to improve my voice. when you are speaking with some one specially on the phone sometimes you tend to go back your old voice and specially to the way you used to speak. So recording and listening how you sounded in a real life conversation will help you to understand what you need to work on and what is already there.

Hope these will help and things will gt better. You look gorgeous and in few months everyone will start to see you as the beautiful woman we all see here.

Hugs

Your words of wisdom bring me comfort. Thank you. I can imagine how that felt when that was said to you. Small things like this bother us so much, mean the world to us. I think that's what most of the people we deal with don't realize. Words can be our Achilles heel.

Serena,

I'm sorry the guy at work was so thoughtless with the pronouns. It sounds like you're having a bad day, so I'll just be hoping it gets better for you! Don't think twice about how you look tho, because you seriously look great!

Thanks hun.

[Heather]

It makes me think I should run away. Control+ALT+ Delete everyone in my life and move somewhere where no one knows me.

I'm sorry people don't treat you with more respect. I know how you feel just yesterday I got called sir while in girl mode and it hurts I just felt like crying. I do feel like running away too quite often at least once a week. Just leave family friends everything behind and never stop. I just feel like I can never escape the people in my life that just want me too play the person they want and I know I'm not that person. But just know your not alone in having these feelings. People don't know what life is like for us I wish they would just try too understand more.

[Tristan]

I'm sorry. I know it take them quite a but if time to get it right because they do tend to revert back to the old way. What you could us try to do something to try and distinct yourself from the boys club. Like I stopped joining in on any guy talk and mentioned some girly type stuff so that they would understand that im not one of the guys anymore. It worked pretty well

[Kevin Peña]

Well, don't solve your problems by stuffing yourself with bad "food." Your situation sucks, but you can try to be more assertive. Tell these people what's what, and stand up for yourself.

[Joanna Dark]

I try to see things from all sides and I imagine it could be quite hard for people who always thought of you as male to understand how continuing to refer to you in the male pronoun can be very painful. Though some probably do it to spite you. But you don't need those people's respect anyhow. I, myself, plan on moving to the Pacific Northwest once I get SRS. Maybe it's just me, but starting over  from scratch seems like the best route though I plan on going stealth. I don't have much Tras-pride though and feel like was i was born with a deformity and kinda hate being trans and feel like God is punishing me. I know that's wrong but I can't help how I feel. I remember seeing that movie Boys Don't Cry and I cried throughout the entire movie.

[Jillieann Rose]

Serena, I so feel that way at times too.
I went full time more than 6 months ago and legally changed my name in November of last year.
Yesterday the receptionist called by my male name over the PA.
When I got to the office I told her that (my name) came up to the office for (male name).
Please call me (my name) from now on.
I keep my cool, but inside I was hot. 
Also I have some male workers that I supervise that call me sir and brother.
They won't even try to accept me. But accept for pulling my hair back in a ponytail I look just like my avatar.
Many of the women are more accepting but their still are a few that won't even try.
Even my family has mostly abandoned me. Ouch!

I am so ready to run away and start over.

If it wasn't for some new friends I would already have left this town.

Sorry I am sure this isn't helping you but it is how I often feel during the week.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[Jamie D]

I know I shouldn't let it get to me. It's more a less the meaning behind the pronoun more then the word that is bothering me. If that makes sense? I know this guy didn't mean to say it either him and I had a very good conversation prior to me going full-time. He said he would try and was teary eyed when we were talking. He is a good guy.

Which brings up another one of my problems. I'm TOO nice and non-confrontational sometimes. For example I asked my roommate to clean her bathroom TWO weeks ago its still dirty (i still love you if you read this). Some of the guys here at work still talk to me like I'm one of the guys. Things like this bother me. I'm not nit picking and don't want life to be perfect but it's just that these people know my heart. I feel taken advantage of because I don't make my voice heard. I just want people to show me respect; the same amount of respect that I have for them.

Serena, you have made really great strides over the past few months.  Keep working on your voice, because it will come around.

The silver lining to being treated as "one of the guys" is that you are not being ostracized.  It takes time for attitudes to change.  I am personally very proud of you.  You are a great role model for our younger members.

[Nero]

Disagree with that statement my work is very male dominated. I am the only female sales consultant out of 28 men. I kick their butts every month even before I began transition.

You CAN be trans and work in any career. You don't have to be ultra fem, computer programmer, hair dresser, gay, etc... to transition in the work place, have success, or compete.

?

Dahlia,

I'm not sure now is the time to bring up an old argument. I'm sure Serena's occupation has little to do with the misgendering. If she were a secretary answering phones, she'd get the same. And if she transitioned on the job as a hairdresser, it'd still take her coworkers time to adjust.

[PHXGiRL]

Thank you ladies and mister admin for the responses. Hearing from each of you really brings comfort knowing that I'm not alone in this feeling and thank you, each of you for sharing your personal stories. It shows a great deal of strength each one of us have. Very empowering and inspirational hearing that this kind of junk doesn't need to slow us down on our journeys into womanhood.

I brought up this feeling I had in therapy tonight with my therapist. He had a interesting point of view when it came to someone calling us the wrong pronoun, or has a issue with us. He simply but its their problem not ours. Don't let someone else's problem become your problem. If they can't call you the correct pronoun now or ever its their problem. Let it go.

[Jay-Bird]

I feel weird writing this post but I wanted to know if any of you women have ever felt the same. Usually I am very upbeat and positive but the last couple days I feel drained, beat up, and frustrated. I'm approaching the 9 month mark on hormones and have been full time now for almost two months.

I found myself thinking yesterday after one of my co-workers was having a conversation with me and my co-worker. My co-worker said "he" when referring to me five times then ended with my legal girl name.  As he said that dreaded pronoun I felt like screaming on the inside. It ate me up yesterday at work and I had to leave for a brief lunch just to break up the day and to try and put myself in a happy place. This didn't happen though. I went to lunch sat in my car while stuffing my face with Taco Bell and thought to myself. He must still view me as a "he" it doesn't matter what clothes I wear. Will I ever been seen as "She" by my friends, and my co-workers? It makes me think I should run away. Control+ALT+ Delete everyone in my life and move somewhere where no one knows me.  So to add fuel to the fire I get back from my brief lunch take an incoming phone call from a customer interested in a car and the guy tells me when talking to me, "when I was speaking to the other gentleman". I felt like hanging up the phone but I couldn't I had to muster threw the call and find a way to get this guy in. I deal with this voice issue here at work every day. Will it ever been where I want it to be or do I just have to accept that I will be stuck with this god forsaken gender natural voice that sounds like a man to everyone else but sounds feminine to me when I speak.

I've been an emotional wreck these last three days mentally. I just feel worn down. Last night on Facebook I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends who is also Trans and told her Transition is like another full-time job. I don't think people understand the emotional stress that we put ourselves threw. I've come to the conclusion that I need a break from work and it's time to take a vacation to just check out from reality. I'm hoping to take a trip to California next month with Jenny for a few days.

Hey Serena, I can definitely relate to this at my work, you sure ain't alone
I transitioned on the job there and for the most part all has gone smoothly.
I've been full time lady there for about 3 months and yes people most definitely still mis-gender me with the wrong pronouns.
I notice this happens especially in meetings where people often get heated up about various work stuff and all of a sudden its "him' and "he".
It drives me mad too, but at the very least they always apologies and correct themselves and if not I make a point of it in a joking way just to bring it to light.
I think it just takes time, especially if people have known you one way for a time, so long as they make an effort and aren't intentionally being rude I am mostly ok with it. (at least for now)
I think you will notice it get better with time.
They certainly are not mis-gendering you based on your aesthetic, because you are all lady! its really just habit which in time will change