In the Early Morning Rain A transgender woman holds her life in her hands, and

[Shana A]

In the Early Morning Rain
A transgender woman holds her life in her hands, and decides to live.
Published on February 19, 2013 by Jennifer F. Boylan in Stuck in the Middle With You

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stuck-in-the-middle-you/201302/in-the-early-morning-rain

When I was young there was a time when I figured, the hell with it. I'd never even said the word transgender out loud. I couldn't imagine saying it, ever. I mean, please.

So instead, one day a few years after I got out of college, I loaded all my things into the Volkswagen and started driving. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I wanted to get away from the Maryland spring, with its cherry blossoms and its bursting tulips and all its bull->-bleeped-<-. I figured I'd keep driving father and farther north until there weren't any people. I wasn't sure what I was going to do then, but I was certain something would occur to me that would end this transgender business once and for all.

I set my sights on Nova Scotia. I drove to Maine and took a ferry out of Bar Harbor. I drove onto the S.S. Bluenose and stood on the deck and watched America drift away behind me, which as far as I was concerned was just fine.

[Vicky]

I actually had heard Jenny read this piece in her draft form at a Transgender Conference I went to last fall.  I would recommend it to people who need to give other, Cis folks an idea of what some of us do go through.  This has a drama to it that is not  the assault rifle shoot 'em up, but one that hits the heart from a different angle, but with as much force. It takes a moment to realize she was serious about ending her life,  Many of us have been ready to end our lives and like her decided to live, but our stories do not come out of us in a way that the Cis community can take with full comprehension of the harsh fact. 

[Beth Andrea]

Fascinating. I had the exact same experience...except I did not know at the time that I was trans, just that I was hurting deep inside...

Kneeling in the woods bordering ID and MT, a 9mm to my head and my eyes closed...finger tightening on the trigger, I heard a gentle voice say, "Take one more look around."

When I did, the forest had become immensely beautiful...and I knew life WOULD get better. 25 years later, I know "that voice" was me, assuring my male self that life is still worth living.

[MadelineB]

Fascinating. I had the exact same experience...except I did not know at the time that I was trans, just that I was hurting deep inside...

Kneeling in the woods bordering ID and MT, a 9mm to my head and my eyes closed...finger tightening on the trigger, I heard a gentle voice say, "Take one more look around."

When I did, the forest had become immensely beautiful...and I knew life WOULD get better. 25 years later, I know "that voice" was me, assuring my male self that life is still worth living.

And it is!

[Vicky]

I had been reaching for what I though was "one last pill" to go with a heavy load of alcohol that would finish me off, and there were no more pills to take.  I too felt a gentle nudge that said, there is a reason you cannot finish this -- seek and you will find it!!    That was 2008.