So im about to turn 24 in a couple of months, i've been thinking a lot about it in the past few weeks and it's a bit scary. I've never really been affected by my age- i don't think it matter's what year a person was born, it's never changed me i feel no different than i did when i was 17 haha. Anyway I feel like the pressure of other people and society is really what is worrying me rather than the actual age thing- i mean i know im not exactly a grandma at this age lol but other people are getting to me. I hate this whole belief that when you turn a certain age you have to be a certain way, don't get me wrong for the most part i got my life in order- i have a job, i have a house and car- i am a responsible person and I feel like that should be enough for society and everyone else- im not a dead beat or a lazy person, i am a contributing member of society. However I feel like as trans people we don't necessarily follow the rules of society anyway. Since coming out as trans I have been shunned by most of my family and people I believed to be my friends, so I figure "what the hell, ill be who i want" I mean most of the people i loved and cared for didn't love or care for me enough to accept who i am inside so why should i care what the rest of the world thinks- especially people i don't even know or care to know. Ultimately it's come down to my appearance, I have a "alternative" style i have tattoos and piercings, i dress what i would describe as "goth" the best and im trans so Ive come to realize im damned if i do, damned if i dont so to speak- my style is as much part of my identity as being transgender. A lot of people i know have tried to change both, they want me to fit into the cookie cutter norm- not only do most people wan't me to not be trans they also don't want me to be "goth" or at least alternative. Most people want and expect me to be some young guy in a suit and tie working some boring desk job and being miserable just to please other's. Maybe it's been put into my head way too much that I should be that and maybe that's why this whole age thing is bothering me. I want to be happy with myself and be who i am- and that's what we all want here, and i feel like if we aren't hurting anyone else we can damn well be ourselves and forget what the world thinks. So am I wrong for feeling like i should be myself and happy at any age? or should i be worried about what the world wants for me.
