Am I unreasonable?

[Elaine]

To be blunt, my mother and I (we live alone in a house we own) are in a tough financial situation since her husband left (my stepfather). We are very seriously considering renting out our home to pay for the mortgage and moving in with my grandfather. We both work full time now but we both agree that I should go back to university this full time this fall, so I won't be able to work nearly as much (and will have to pay for classes). Our current financial situation has nothing to do with my transition (which has been covered by insurance -- I luckily didn't need any FFS). The timing of all this is wonderful (sarcasm) because I'm very much ready to schedule a consultation for surgery in Montreal, and realistically it looks like the only way I could pay for it is with a loan (very possibly I could get a student loan).

Well, my mom and I just had a big fight that ended with me sobbing, and basically she said I was being completely unreasonable to even think about surgery right now. The way I see it, I want nothing else in the world more than the surgery, and the idea of waiting now just makes tears well up. I feel that my ability and willingness to take out a loan does not affect her, especially because once we (probably) move in with my grandfather, we won't have to struggle with money anyway (the house is eating all the money right now, and renting it would pay for it enough to put us in a more comfortable position).

So.... I would like a more objective opinion. Am I being unreasonable?

[tinkerbell]

Elaine, keep in mind that every person who doesn't walk in your shoes is always going to think that you are unreasonable.  What do they know? I'd challenge any cisgender person to live only one day in our bodies and see if afterwards, they still label us unreasonable.  Did I answer your question?  I think I did. 

tink

[Ms.Behavin]

Sounds perfectly resonable to me, LOL.  Though as Tink said, non-TS people will generally not understand or see it as well really not that important.  But it is at least to some of us.

Hang in there

Beni

[Kimberly]

Too many IFs in the equation.

IF relocation and financial issues ease, no not unreasonable, else, yes unreasonable. Roof over one's head is generally more important. ^*cough* Yeah; I keenly understand the um.. situation. This said, Roof over my families head is more important to me than ... getting out of this state of being.

IF aforementioned loan will have no impact on anyone else, that would not seem to be unreasonable other than the time that it would lay you up; That said, that (small) time does not seem unreasonable.

This said, I no longer handle the family's finances because a situation came up that amounted to pay bills or buy hormones and I simply could not. I deadlocked. Stupid, retarded an I am none too happy with my behaviour but the fact remains. As such I have some understanding of the situation.

This said, screwup and delays in this process are NOT the end of the world. ... In theory. But anyway, sooner than sane seems to be fairly common to us; Waiting a little bit should not kill you. Waiting a long while just might. Or in essence that is the situation I find myself in.


I suppose it boils down to: If your decision effects just yourself it is not unreasonable. If it effects others it might be

Hang in there Elaine.

[Elaine]

Thank you all three... Kimberly, thank you for being especially objective. Looking back at what I wrote, those "ifs" are less iffy than I might have implied, and that said, I can say that taking out a loan wouldn't have undue affect on our ability to keep a roof over our heads.

[cindianna_jones]

Wow.  This is a tough decision Elaine. 

It sounds as though you have made a commitment to take care of your mother.  So that does sound like your highest priority, right?  If this is the case, and getting a loan does not jeapordize that, then I think your reasoning is fine.

It is all a matter of setting your priorities.  You will always find someone to disagree with you. 

Chin up!

Cindi