Just sent an email to my mom...

[Ltl89]

Anna, I hope things go well if you meet with them.  I know how you feel about your family, but it would be good to give it a chance if they are willing to try and understand this; however, if they aren't, then you need to be aware of that fact.  Have you talked to them about where they currently stand?  It's one thing to for them to be confused and feel sad by this change, but continuous hostility and opposition against you isn't healthy for anyone involved.  Denial and conflicted emotions are okay as long as they don't harass you.  Still, this is your family.  I imagine you want things to desperately improve.   It's your decision as it is your life, but I would try to meet with them.  As difficult as things have been with my mom, not seeing her would be a terrible thing for me.  I imagine you feel the same.  So, that's the only little tid bit of insight I can provide.

Good luck with whatever you decide

[Anna++]

I've decided to try it and hope for something good.  Here is the reply I got to my acceptance:

OK, I can use the GPS to find the place. In all honesty I'm a bit afraid to see you and feel myself shaking now (I'm at work but <boss> is gone for lunch at the moment). So, please, no surprises when I see you ....

I will have questions that I hope you can answer on how the meds will affect your health in the long run. I know estrogen causes bone problems which is why Grandma's spine dics have been damaged and I have osteoporosis as well. And, how all this will affect your Chron's issue and the Humira. I want you to think on how we are to interact as an immediate family and with all the relatives. Pleasing your friends is one thing and interacting with relatives is another.

As you can see, I'm always in mother mode and try to look at the whole picture now and down the road.

MOM

She still seems convinced that my friends knew about this before I told them ...

I guess I need to come up with a reply to as much of this as possible before Sunday.

[Antonia J]

I am struck that you are not,or shouldn't be, out to please anyone but yourself.  Maybe I read that wrong?

[Anna++]

I am struck that you are not,or shouldn't be, out to please anyone but yourself.  Maybe I read that wrong?

No, you read that right.  In some of their other emails they've suggested that my friends brainwashed the trans into me.

[Ltl89]

I've decided to try it and hope for something good.  Here is the reply I got to my acceptance:

She still seems convinced that my friends knew about this before I told them ...

I guess I need to come up with a reply to as much of this as possible before Sunday.

I hope it goes well.  And don't worry about your mom thinking your friends talked you into it.  My mom says the same thing all the time.  She thinks my friends and I discussed how transitioning would be the cool thing to do,lol.  As though that's how we determined to go down this path.  Hopefully, in time she will see that this isn't a phase. 

[Misato]

I don't get how anyone could honestly believe someone would opt-in to this.  This coming from someone who thinks having the transition path put in front of her is one of the best things to have ever happened to her!  But, the goodness is only true because I am a female.  If I weren't, from what I know of guys, what's gone and happened between my legs would have me taking baths in that T gel stuff they promote on TV.

[Anna++]

The closest argument you could make about me opting-in is that I'm transitioning now, and not a few years from now.  Either way, we still end up at this point eventually.

[Ruthven]

She thinks you're the one with issues, yet she's vomiting and may very well throw herself off a cliff...

[Anna++]

Sorry to any of you hoping for good news:

My mom sat down in the cafe and she was visibly shaking. She asked in an abrupt tone "Do you have answers for my questions?". So I went in to my gastrointestinal doctor saying everything is okay and that he doesn't have a problem with my transition. That may have helped my Aunt, but it didn't help my mom. She tried to blame herself "What did we do to you ash a child to cause this?" and I answered with how being trans is just who I am, it's not anyones fault. I don't think she bought it. I also don't think she believed me when I said that estrogen is used to repair bone loss and not to encourage it.

She also asked about my future - would I feel comfortable living a lie and not having any history? I figured I would be honest here that no, I'm not comfortable living a lie. That's why I'm transitioning in the first place, and I'll be more than willing to be open with my friends, family, and SO (since it's important to be honest with him or her).

Somewhere in there she commented on how much of a mess she was. And that she's thought about killing me enough to have my dad hide their gun from her. I'm really, really, really scared right now and I see it taking a long time for me to ever feel comfortable in their house again. Apparently even my dad was worried about her "let's go on a nature trail. alone." plan. Apparently she actually had thought about taking me out there and then leaving my body for the squirrels.

Other notes - she said I'm being selfish, and that I have to think about how others react. She doesn't care that I feel better about myself now because I always seemed happy around them (of course, during those times she just mentioned my thoughts were "hold the smile and nobody will have to know that anything is wrong"). She thinks my brother has taken it poorly because he didn't want to talk about me during their California trip. She prays to her God every day asking for a way to stop caring about me so she can let me go.  She said "no" to therapy today because she doesn't want somebody trying to change her mind.



How am I doing after this?  I'm terrified.  It will be a long, long time before I ever feel comfortable setting foot in their house now that I know they have a gun and that she's thought about using it on me.  Just thinking about it has me in tears right now.  I don't see much hope for a good relationship after this.

[ZoeM]

Holy ..., Anna.
I know we talked over Twitter, but holy...

O.o

If something happens, call the police. Also I think this is a good time for chocolate therapy.

[LordKAT]

Chocolate therapy!?! sounds more like get out of Dodge and find a secure place to hold up time. Mom needs therapy and if she seriously thinks of killing her daughter, she needs to be in a psych hospital for a bit. I say have her commited.

[Ltl89]

Anna,

This has just brought things to a whole new level.  If she has a gun and has made detailed plans on how she would kill you, I think you need to distance yourself from her for your safety.  This is no longer just a family tiff.  This is about your protection. And she is the one that is being selfish and bringing this about. Does she know where you currently live?  Does she know your daily schedule?   If so, please make sure you are aware of her thoughts.  I don't want to say anything bad about your mother, but sometimes family members lose it and follow through with their dangerous thoughts.  There have been cases of lgbt violence committed by family members.  I'm not trying to scare you, but I care about your safety so please be aware. 

[Misato]

I think we're long past concerns about being nice to doesn't-have-any-right-to-call-herself-Anna's-mom.

I think we're more in the neighborhood of she made a threat on your life and is growing more unstable.  My dad went nutty like this and closed his eyes while driving having "faith" God would guide him home.  He crashed through a billboard.

You gotta take preventative action with the police.  If you are forced into a position where you have to defend yourself while trans, the police and the courts have proven unjust.

[Anna++]

Mom needs therapy and if she seriously thinks of killing her daughter, she needs to be in a psych hospital for a bit. I say have her commited.

I've had other friends tell me this several times over the last few months.  Can you have somebody forcibly committed?

Does she know where you currently live?  Does she know your daily schedule?   If so, please make sure you are aware of her thoughts.  I don't want to say anything bad about your mother, but sometimes family members lose it and follow through with their dangerous thoughts.  There have been cases of lgbt violence committed by family members.  I'm not trying to scare you, but I care about your safety so please be aware. 

She does know where I live and she has a basic idea of my daily schedule.  I don't feel safe by myself anymore, so I'm changing my schedule a bit so I can always be around people.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

If you are truly afraid for your life, get a TRO.  You may not be able to see your Dad, except out of the house, but it may be worth it.  Your Call, Sis.

[LordKAT]

Yes, you can have someone committed for up to 3 days for assessment. Longer will depend on the assessment. Your country may have different rules about that, but it can happen here.

[Misato]

My mom did have to have unanimous consent with her brothers in order to put my Grandma in the hospital.

[LordKAT]

That I believe, a psychiatrists word is enough but it takes a family agreeing that  help is needed makes sense.

[bethany]

Anna I am so sad to hear how your mom is taking your transition. I think you need to talk to the police as she did threaten you with bodily harm. You should be able get a restraining order against her. Please be diligent and safe.

[Noah]

Please call the police...My heart is with you. <3