Finally Went Out Dressed for the First Time Today...

[JenSquid]

First of all, Jen, you're not a squid, you're a living, breathing woman on her way to the 'promised land.' You've made the best decision of your life if you're anything like the vast majority of transwomen around the world! These  are just rites of passage, and each one you overcome, most of them far easier than the debacle we've all built them up to be, will soon be events that you can look back at with a smile, and tell a new girl in the future about your experiences. Jen, I'm not saying these aren't very real obstacles and concerns for new girls, but the benefits are extreme. I'm having a fantastic day today, and the most awesome thing about it is the fact that I NEVER had a good day in my last ten years as a male impersonator. Never. Fantastic days aren't constant, but really good days are, and I've been full time now for 18 months, 2 weeks and 5 days! Each new day I thank God for what He let me finally do. I also pray for each and every one of you ladies to find that kind of happiness, because it's out there for you if you let it and cause it to happen. It sounds like a lot of us are happy! Lots of hugs, Mira

I never said I was a squid, merely that I like them. They're fascinating creatures. Anyway, you've got to call yourself something, and I can't call myself just Jen — that name is already taken, so I went with something a bit different.

I hope I find said promised land. I must admit that I'm just getting started on this journey. It scares me to death, but I just have to keep taking steps. Small steps, but steps nonetheless. I know I worry too much. Anyway, seeing people I can relate to successfully making these steps is inspiring. It says that despite the fear, it can be done, and that gives me hope. That being said, "going out" is still a ways off for me, as I have several things I need to take care of first.

[Sweet_Steffy_Bee]

Glad you went out and just were yourself.  It is so liberating yah? I have been wanting to dress and go be myself, but I haven't been able to lately. I know what you mean about the fear. My first day out I went to a sports bar, with your typical mid west hockey fans abound. I also ordered a beer and got carded. But the waitress was laid back and sweet. It feels good to just grab the bull in the China shop by the horns and throw it around!

Keep it up hun! You're an inspiration! I want to get dressed and go to the shoe store. I have my eyes on a cute pair of strappy sandals!

[PHXGiRL]

Congratulations! Huge huge foot step girl!!! Super proud of you.

Your last bit when you said your super low on your self-confidence. Don't be, BE STRONG, BE PROUD. An older sister once told me confidence is passing. Your feelings are the same that a lot of your sisters on this board felt. Myself in particular. I can't tell you how many times early in transition I did exactly what you did. Sitting in the car saying this is the store, this is the store I'm doing it! I spent countless minutes waiting and waiting telling myself I would go in. Then changing my mind saying nahhh not this store. So I drove to another store physic'd myself up to only get scared, then finally landing at the third store. Saying ok now your just being stupid Serena you now have drove 25 miles to three different stores. Your going in this one! Once I was in the store did just like you said. Looked at everyone! thinking OMG they know! I buried myself in my cell phone more times then none.

Each outting got easier; less and less thoughts, & fears. Where I'm going with this is after a hand full of outtings you will get STRONGER, and STRONGER. Think of it like your building a foundation to a house except the house is your life. Your first outting is moving around the dirt, then next is laying cement, and so on until you have your dream home.

You made a huge stride sister! Super proud of you! Do tell us about outting number 2!




**hugs**

[JenAtLast]

Congrats on your first time out!  The fear is pretty common...and I can tell you I did the same thing.  My first trip out completely as "me" was to my therapist.  After sitting in my car for about 20 minutes trying to psyche myself up, I finally got out, walked about 10 feet and then spun around in panic.  Stopped myself before putting the key in the door and just tld myself, "I will NOT live in fear!"....turned back around and marched myself across the parking lot, saying under my breath "no fear!  No fear!"

It was probably the single most liberating event in my life.  Yes, it is hard, but so awesome to overcome it and move on.  :-)

Good for you, girl!