Many years ago deciding that I really wasn't suited mentally or physically to continue on in a man's world role I became fascinated with the idea of becoming a woman having seen some successful transitions. This idea became a 24 hour obsession and took me right up to the point of a pre-srs consultation with Dr. Bowers, and then backing out at the last moment.
In the interim realizing that it wasn't necessary to have to fit into a strictly male or a strictly female identity, which is society's requisite to fit it's comfort zone I chose to opt out desiring only to just be me. Getting a grip on that concept became a relief from the stress and pressure of having to transition fully and I began to breathe more freely. De-transitioning for two years I found that having been surgically modified that one needed some kind of hormonal base to remain healthy and went back on an estrogen patch in preference to testosterone which plays into and fuels PTSD and anger issues.
Posting as MtF indicates what end of the spectrum I'm coming from and Androgyne indicates a personal view of self and preference for personal presentation as non-binary before the world on a daily basis. It also opens the door for a lot of conversation in forums outside of "Androgyne." Up until the last few years I had been self-consciousnous about presentation in public but put that to rest with a predominantly male and some female attire mixed which exemplifies the real me. Yesterday was a sunny warm day and I went shopping and later to Starbucks wearing skinny jeans, T-shirt over soft bra tennies and a baseball cap. People tell me that I cut a pretty sharp looking figure like that, some who haven't seen me in a long while say, "Whoa you've changed physically! What's with that?" I say that the world is doing a paradigm shift and it is what it is so get over it! I'm feeling free to just be me, there's no pressure and it feels wonderful!
