waiting for changes before coming out

[spacerace]

Did anyone wait for changes to be past the point of obvious before coming out at work, school,  or to a set of friends?  Even family.

It seems like a lot of people just go for it, even before a name change sometimes.  More so on the FTM side of things. Trans women seem to wait until after changes hit before going 'full time'.  There does not even seem to be a concept of 'going full time' for trans guys, in the same sense.

Does anyone else notice this difference, or am I just making anecdotal assumptions?

[cezcal20]

I dont know because i think i want to go on T for 2-3 months before coming out to my family. I'm already out to some of my friends not all. But my family hates that im ( atleast my mom) a "lesbian" and my brothers find it odd that when i moved out of the house to go live with my ex who is a dude then came to live back home with short hair and told them i was a lesbian. They dont think me being a lesbian is really me. well news flash because its not really me. I just dont know when to tell them. I want to go on T with out them knowing at first so they dont stop me from starting. It was also a already upset about me being "gay" so i think this is start tension in the house all over again... kinda stuck ha. No i cant move out just yet. I'll be done with college in 2 years but dont want to wait that long. I'm 22 now and ill be 24 almost 25 when i get out of college.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Did anyone wait for changes to be past the point of obvious before coming out at work, school,  or to a set of friends?  Even family.

It seems like a lot of people just go for it, even before a name change sometimes.  More so on the FTM side of things. Trans women seem to wait until after changes hit before going 'full time'.  There does not even seem to be a concept of 'going full time' for trans guys, in the same sense.

Does anyone else notice this difference, or am I just making anecdotal assumptions?

It's usually easier for a trans man to come out and to start presenting as a male than it is for a trans woman to come out and start presenting as female before having some hormonal changes because it's ok to be seen as a butch or masculine woman (which a trans man who doesn't pass might be seen as) than it is to be seen as a feminine man (which a trans woman who doesn't pass might be seen as)

[spacerace]

It's usually easier for a trans man to come out and to start presenting as a male than it is for a trans woman to come out and start presenting as female before having some hormonal changes because it's ok to be seen as a butch or masculine woman (which a trans man who doesn't pass might be seen as) than it is to be seen as a feminine man (which a trans woman who doesn't pass might be seen as)

This is absolutely true.

Are there any benefits to waiting to come out for trans guys in the same sense though?
I can think of:
-easier for people to change pronouns
-easier for family acceptance to understand this is real and actually happening

but then you have to make the call when the right time is. And what if it feels like that right time never comes?  And you have to deal with repression problems and impatience to just want to be yourself for even longer.

I know a trans guy that doesn't take hormones and enforces his names/pronouns to everyone.  Do trans women ever do this, or does society make it impossible?

[Frank]

I don't know but I'm waiting for hormones first so my family doesn't get all condescending like yeah whatever. It's a little hard to be flippant in the face of a dropping voice and growing beard. There is at least one who calls me by proper pronouns though, they're the only family I see every day and at this point, calling me a she would just make them look stupid so they don't. 

[Darkflame]

I dunno, I always thought it would be harder on my family if I waited until I had a beard to come out to them  I can see how it would shock them into using the right pronouns and name and knowing that it's definitely happening for real, but I think if they see it happen it's a little easier to take? Most of us have already experimented with presenting male, we can cut our hair short and wear guy clothes, in more liberal areas we won't even get a second glance for doing so. I was doing that before I even admitted to myself I was trans. So it would feel like not moving forward to stay in the closet and I can't do anything else to make myself look even more masculine than I do, besides take hormones. Personally I've grown up in a very liberal area and my family is very open and accepting, and besides initial awkwardness I knew they would be, save for a few very religious family members    I figure I've spent enough time thinking about this and living in denial over the years, now that I'm 100% sure and I know what I need to do, why take it slow and be secretive if I'm lucky enough to have family and friends who accept me and live in a world where nobody cares if I go out looking like a guy even if they pick up on my bio gender

[aleon515]

I started coming out to friends way before I started T (and first came out as genderqueer and kind of have to re-come out). I haven't come out to my sister (my parents are deceased). I am waiting til I have changes from T. She's big into denial and arguing to get her way. There's no way she can do this with changes that aren't going to be reversible.

--Jay

[Blaine]

I don't know but I'm waiting for hormones first so my family doesn't get all condescending like yeah whatever. It's a little hard to be flippant in the face of a dropping voice and growing beard. There is at least one who calls me by proper pronouns though, they're the only family I see every day and at this point, calling me a she would just make them look stupid so they don't. 

I kind of wish I'd waited until I could get on T and started showing changes before I'd said anything.  Half of my family is fully accepting and the other half is doing absolutely anything they can to talk me out of it. They won't budge me a millimeter, but it would've saved me a lot of trouble if I was past the first few months of HRT.

I was going to wait, but there are a lot of young children running around and I wanted to give the parents a heads up so they could have a chance to have The Talk before I turned into the scary wolfman.

[sneakersjay]

I came out to family when I started T; I didn't come out to extended family or friends until afterwards.  As far as work, I didn't come out until there were visible changes, though I had changed my dress and hair at least 6 months before coming out to them.  I didn't change my name or paperwork or driver's license until I started to pass.  I didn't change my insurance until after my hysto and top surgery (they required me to have a mammogram beforehand).


Jay

[sneakersjay]

FWIW, family will ALWAYS try to talk you out of it.  They will be accepting *as long as you don't DO anything!*

Do what you need to do for yourself, and ignore them.  They'll either come around eventually, or they won't and you can distance yourself from them.


Jay