my friends detransition

[Natkat]

so one of my friends we talk alot, and got to detransition cause he actually feel more like a I guess I can say femenine queer boy than actually a girl, he is happy thats he is open about it now, and I try to suport him even when its abit diffcult for me cause first of all I never knew anyone who detransitioned, and secondly then its hard to get help and suport but his my friend so boy or girl shouldnt matter and I try to convert my head in using male pronouce and general be suportive.

however I think its been kinda rough on me, but I dont wanna tell him cause maybe it could be hurtfull,
I think in the period and afterward I just feel so insecure like, if a person after so many years can detransition then what about me, or other transfolks? how do we really know is the right desission? how do I know I just didnt try hard enough to be a girl?

all this kind of thouhgts really frustrating me,
im on the good line where my famely finally suporting me, I have a famely, lovers, friends, and soon about to get my first beard which I have been looking forward (my facial hair is rather slow)
and then at the same time I wonder how I even can be sure I wont detransition like my friend?
one of my friends I know since she was 16 also told me some days ago she is going to thailand for her surgery and invited me with her which I might go or maybe not (it depends on money)
and then again I get worried like, is it really gonna be okay? is she to be really herself? she wont regreat it afterward?

I feel horrible cause it used to be something my parrents said and I always got angry on them putting those questions on me, but now I feel like being the same insecure part, mostly cause I actually dont know what makes me trans I just live like I do and I dont feel like I have a "I lived 30 years as a woman and I couldnt do it" line who kinda prove that im trans, im just me and I help people around who needs it with the lact of information in my country, people over or less than 18 and out of sudden I feel like questionate my sanity of everything I do, if its really okay, or if im just being mindblowed in a way by ignorance so I start beliving it, like a transwoman I know who start to belive hatecrimes on transpeople is okay cause she have experience it so often.

I dont know, I feel its difficult to get help for my friends who detransition, and I dont feel im being understood in my situation and thoughts about it.
--
have anyone been in situations like that, or can relate to it?

[Devlyn]

Your friend can come here for support, you know that. Detransitioning is something that happens, I think it's probably good to ask yourself these hard questions. Hugs, Devlyn

[Natkat]

Your friend can come here for support, you know that. Detransitioning is something that happens, I think it's probably good to ask yourself these hard questions. Hugs, Devlyn

yes I know that, but I tried to make he groups of some more local sites for more general information about doctors which cant be found on susan, and its kinda hurts me that he cant be a member because he is mtftftm. alt least it dosent look like.

[Shantel]

I de-transitioned for two years and came back, believe me de-transitioning doesn't make the gender dysphoria go away and it's unhealthy to flip-flop back and forth with HRT.

[CursedFireDean]

I always get worried that I might want to detransition too...

[Mr.X]

I think it is rather natural to wonder if you made the right decision, especially when the decision is big and life changing. I think you can not know for sure you made the right choice until you actually started the process, and started to live as a man (or woman for the mtf's). But I do think there are tell tale signs before that. Do you feel happier with a manly name? Do you feel joy when they regard you as a male, using male pronouns? These small things are a clear indication that transition is the right thing for you.

But you, and only you can decide if this is the case and we humans are prone to doubt ourselves. How much easier would things be if there was just a test, or a brain scan that gave you a clear answer? A lot. But alas, that does not exist, so only you can be the judge.

[Natkat]

I think it is rather natural to wonder if you made the right decision, especially when the decision is big and life changing. I think you can not know for sure you made the right choice until you actually started the process, and started to live as a man (or woman for the mtf's). But I do think there are tell tale signs before that. Do you feel happier with a manly name? Do you feel joy when they regard you as a male, using male pronouns? These small things are a clear indication that transition is the right thing for you.

But you, and only you can decide if this is the case and we humans are prone to doubt ourselves. How much easier would things be if there was just a test, or a brain scan that gave you a clear answer? A lot. But alas, that does not exist, so only you can be the judge.

all the people I mention have live as male/famele for a long period. so we all experience it

I started to transition around 12-13 by just wearing guy clothes and refusing to wear women clothing. and I started to pass for real this year now homones have take its flip with my voice and so, my female friend who is to go to thailand dosent always pass but she have lived as female for at least 2 years,
the mtfftm I mention who detransition have lived as female for along time at least over 8 years I think and I dont know what makes him happy or not, but he mention a episode some days ago where he had to be a woman and had womans clothing and said it made him fell angry and frustrating, and another episode where he thouht of becoming a guy and got all happy.
--
I feel happy with my name, which mostly is male, I dont know if I feel happy or not by male pronoucing, I dont feel happy with female pronoucings but I dont know with males, I guess I wish we didnt have pronoucing in the first place and that it wasnt so gender binary. in general I feel fine most of the time, and my annoying things goes on gender binary stuff, ex how I cant wear all my fav shoes cause there women shoes and too small for me . the only really provement I got of being trans is that I didnt really enjoy being called female or anything like that when I was younger, but now when I pass usunally the topic never comes up as my gender is never questionated so I dont know how I feel about it?
a week ago I lost a bet and had to wear a dress, and one girl said I just needed boobs then I would almost look like a girl, it kinda made me feel abit unconfortable. I guess its the closest I get to a situation like that where I where compared with a female, I didnt mind the dress it was funny, but it was wierd to be told I almost could pass as a girl.

pre T I took a test about your gender who said I was half/half male female, after T I took it again and it said I where 50% male, also I went to a psycolist 1 time who said I was very typical trans,

it just annoying me alot all those thoughts and fellings, even when I feel like I pass and have the typical trans history (exept that I crossdress) then I keep thinking like what if I wanna detransition?
I see a pretty girl and think, wow I could be like her maybe, how would that be like? what if I was suposed to be like her but i didnt try hard enough cause I didnt look enough like a girl? or whatever it could be.
when I look in the mirror I see a guy, but I keep worry if I see a guy because thats how I see myself or because I just looks maculine and this has nothing to do with it, in general I shoudl stop thinking so much about my look.

[Natkat]

I de-transitioned for two years and came back, believe me de-transitioning doesn't make the gender dysphoria go away and it's unhealthy to flip-flop back and forth with HRT.

like mtf to ftm, and then back to mtf.. as it understood?

[Shantel]

like mtf to ftm, and then back to mtf.. as it understood?

Like man to MtF to man and back to MtF.

[Natkat]

Like man to MtF to man and back to MtF.

yes okay, I just had to make sure I understood it correctly.
how long where you living as a man before you went to mtf again?

[King Malachite]

I can relate.  About a year ago there was this girl on Youtube that thought she was FtM and I think went even as far as top surgery and T but realized she wasn't FtM and transitioned back to female.  There was a controversy surrounding her because she claimed to have found God etc. but aside from that point it made me question if I was really FtM. I realized that I still was. The more trans people get exposure, the more people will want to "try and go that route" and there is going to be some that regret it.  I think the biggest thing is to look at yourself.  Can you see yourself years from now being a father?  an Uncle? a grandpa?  a brother?  I knew I felt like a boy before I knew what the term transgender was.  I felt like a boy way before I had access to the internet to find out more research about ->-bleeped-<-.  I felt like a boy before I knew others felt the same way and had simiar thoughts like me. 

[Darrin Scott]

Part of me wonders how much you can know before you do things like take T, get top surgery, etc? I mean, those are big decisions, even when you're "sure". Not only that, religion and other outside factors determine how we see ourselves and our bodies and can influence us to either transition or detransitoin. Someone who is unsure might be egged on by a trans friend to transition because that's what worked for them and their stories might be similar.

Malachite, You mentioned a girl on youtube who detransitioned. When you said she "found god" it makes me wonder if she went back into denial because "god" didn't want her to "be a man". No offense to anyone here who is religious, but I've spent some time in the church and the "ex gay" movement wasn't just aimed at gay people, but trans folk as well. I've seen ministers tell trans women to detransition because it isn't "Gods way" or whatever.

I wonder how we navigate transition and making one of the biggest decisions in our lives. What IS the deciding factor? Something to think about....

[aleon515]

The (trans)guy that runs the trans center here feels that for some people it is part of the process. May not strictly speaking be healthy to go back and forth from T to estrogen based and so on, but it does happen for some people. I also agree that there are people influenced by religious types who believe trans to be bad.

--Jay

[King Malachite]

l
Malachite, You mentioned a girl on youtube who detransitioned. When you said she "found god" it makes me wonder if she went back into denial because "god" didn't want her to "be a man". No offense to anyone here who is religious, but I've spent some time in the church and the "ex gay" movement wasn't just aimed at gay people, but trans folk as well. I've seen ministers tell trans women to detransition because it isn't "Gods way" or whatever.

I can't say for sure as it's hard to tell.  It just kind of came of out the blue and se started quoting scriptures about homosexuality is a sin and how she "heard the lord" but just didn't want to listen I guess.  She does seem to be very happy now in her new videos but it kind of makes me wonder if she was just following what some may consider a trend or if she was just really confused.  To go from being in the mix of the trans community and then so against it puzzles me.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Malachite,

Without knowing the full facts of the Youtube thing, the reason for detransitioning is rather obvious.

For someone to be swayed by any group into a particular ideaology indicates the prson was not fully aware of their own identity. I would further suggest she could be swayed back to transition by an equally suggestive group.

Quoting scripture about homosexuality (be it in sin or not) has absolutely NOTHING to do with ->-bleeped-<- in any way, shape or form. In fact there is NO reference to ->-bleeped-<- in the NKJ bible. Anyone articulate enough can certainly take an interpertation from any document that will take original subject material out of contaxt, creating a new meaning.

Huggs
Catherine

[Shantel]

yes okay, I just had to make sure I understood it correctly.
how long where you living as a man before you went to mtf again?

2 years 

[wheat thins are delicious]

Hi Malachite,

Without knowing the full facts of the Youtube thing, the reason for detransitioning is rather obvious.

For someone to be swayed by any group into a particular ideaology indicates the prson was not fully aware of their own identity. I would further suggest she could be swayed back to transition by an equally suggestive group.

Quoting scripture about homosexuality (be it in sin or not) has absolutely NOTHING to do with ->-bleeped-<- in any way, shape or form. In fact there is NO reference to ->-bleeped-<- in the NKJ bible. Anyone articulate enough can certainly take an interpertation from any document that will take original subject material out of contaxt, creating a new meaning.

Huggs
Catherine

I have to agree with Catherine.

[Bastian]

When I first started to transition I was a full blown gay. As I transitioned I began to become interested in woman. This relates to the op because when I began to 'become' Bi I began to fret and worry that I might have made the wrong decision. I didn't think this because of the fact that I began thinking of woman sexually, but because of how I was seeing woman in general. Prior to and early into my transition I had a general dislike for woman. Didn't like them, didn't want to be around them, found them incredibly irritating (No offense meant to anyone, I know this behavior was extremely bad, but it's how I felt). I was still polite and all but the thought of being around woman outside of those who are good friends, in a friendly relationship really wasn't in my interest.

So when a couple months ago I began having feelings towards females and actually not being repulsed by them (again no offense meant to any one) I began to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Had I been 'driven' to transition because of some weird inner hatred towards the female gender? I don't mean hatred towards the gender because I was in fact an FTM (this is something I've come to realize)  but hatred for females in a complete and broad sense. So I was naturally very worried that, maybe I wasn't actually a dude but a female and I was running to transition to flee some weird gender-phobia or something...

In the end I calmed down, realized people change and just because I suddenly had sexual feelings towards woman and didn't find them so off-putting anymore didn't mean I had made a mistake in transitioning but instead that I was simply developing more into the bi-sexual male I truly am.

I know that's a bit all over the board but that was my experience with fear over whether or not I had actually made the right choice in transitioning. I never de-transitioned at all (aside from shaving off some hair to see if I found 'the old me' more appealing or not. The result of the test was a definitive 'I shouldn't have shaved that hair off...')

With regards to the church I wanted to toss in my two cents. I'm not a follower of God in anyway (though lately I have wondered about just going into on an off day and just trying the whole praying thing but meh) but i've always wondered what would happen if a priest suggested you de-transition because it 'isn't gods way' and you responded with. "But if God made all things and me changing from female to male is wrong, why did God make the Clown Fish who starts life as a male and then as it ages becomes a female? Did God make a mistake when he made the Clown Fish?" Just something I've always wanted to ask if anyone pledging the word of the lord told me to transition.

With regards to your situation NatKat I think it's perfectly fair for you to be thinking these things. I think we should all consider whether this is the right decision at some point in our lives and I think it comes down to your happiness. Do you see yourself in ten, twenty, thirty years as a male living a happy, fulfilled life? Whenever I close my eyes and think of the future I see a man. I know that I am going to live life to the fullest being male and that is what will bring me the foundation for all my happiness. It sounds like you are fortunate and have lots of support around you. Take your time, think about 'what's going to make me happy?' and go from there. I think it might also benefit you to talk to your friend a bit about your own personal concerns. Don't let his opinion sway you one way or another, but take it as another way of looking at the situation he's in.

Hope that helps some.

[Natkat]

I think the biggest thing is to look at yourself.  Can you see yourself years from now being a father?  an Uncle? a grandpa?  a brother?  I knew I felt like a boy before I knew what the term transgender was.  I felt like a boy way before I had access to the internet to find out more research about ->-bleeped-<-.  I felt like a boy before I knew others felt the same way and had simiar thoughts like me.

I dont think I saw myself as a boy before I knew others, but I dont know? I generally refern my childhood as a tomboyish girl as the world vied me as, I had signs as a kid that I where boyish or had guy roles but I was scold for being too calling myself a boy or having a boyname, I remember myself as being tomboyish or unisex, but it was first when I was teen I started to wonder what was wrong with me, because people expected me to change and then I found a transguy on the net and thought thats it so I got very exited and told my friend about it and that I should just figure out how to get on homones and so and then I could transition. it was not posible before I turned 18 because back then transgender kids didnt exist so it wasnt accepted by anyone beside my closes friends who accepted me.
-
I do pic myself and my brother as brothers, and I sorta already feel abit like a father or uncle (I might get into this topic later) when I where younger I was to a psycologist to talk about my gender, it was one my homone doctor had put me to and I was very scared cause I have bad experience with them but she was ok and asked if I wanted to have kids, and I said I could imaginate me as a father but I always tend to refuse the question cause I dont want to be a pregnant or a mother, and I dont want to think of how being trans makes the whole procces difficult.

Part of me wonders how much you can know before you do things like take T, get top surgery, etc? I mean, those are big decisions, even when you're "sure". Not only that, religion and other outside factors determine how we see ourselves and our bodies and can influence us to either transition or detransitoin. Someone who is unsure might be egged on by a trans friend to transition because that's what worked for them and their stories might be similar.

I wonder how we navigate transition and making one of the biggest decisions in our lives. What IS the deciding factor? Something to think about....

for me transition where really all about life and death, when I where young I started to reseach it by myself as I randomly had found and article about it which lead me to seach on the net, I seached alot I came across topics that people would kill and rape transgenders and I got very scared and felt it where life or death choice cause if if I choosed to keep on then I might get killed by people who couldnt accept me , but I did chooce to keep on cause I was very depressed and I didnt want to keep in the depression, I wanted to be happy, I think it was hard but I also think that it was good I did fight cause so far nobody has killed me, and I have started living a more normal life now where back then I lived in big depression sleeping alot to pretend I was a guy and ignore the world outside.

[Natkat]

the bad thing about my felling is not it just me but others as well, I worry for my friends if transition or detransition going to be fine, and all this. I think the whole illigal thing of transgenders just make it worse cause I being pictured as a drugdealer just by considering to help others, so if anything happent they change there mind, or they dont feel good on homones then its seams as my fault and my resonsibilaty.
I really really hope all this is to change soon cause just the felling of it stress me out.

but I think I just need someone to talk about, so I am happy to get it out on susan of some of my worryes,
it can be stressfull to go by it alone.

When I first started to transition I was a full blown gay. As I transitioned I began to become interested in woman. This relates to the op because when I began to 'become' Bi I began to fret and worry that I might have made the wrong decision. I didn't think this because of the fact that I began thinking of woman sexually, but because of how I was seeing woman in general. Prior to and early into my transition I had a general dislike for woman. Didn't like them, didn't want to be around them, found them incredibly irritating (No offense meant to anyone, I know this behavior was extremely bad, but it's how I felt). I was still polite and all but the thought of being around woman outside of those who are good friends, in a friendly relationship really wasn't in my interest.

So when a couple months ago I began having feelings towards females and actually not being repulsed by them (again no offense meant to any one) I began to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Had I been 'driven' to transition because of some weird inner hatred towards the female gender? I don't mean hatred towards the gender because I was in fact an FTM (this is something I've come to realize)  but hatred for females in a complete and broad sense. So I was naturally very worried that, maybe I wasn't actually a dude but a female and I was running to transition to flee some weird gender-phobia or something...

I think its very much how I feel,
I always been bisexuals so its not really a thing, but I do see women diffrently than I did when I where younger and started transition.
I identify alot more queer now, and really try to not make a big deal or diffrence between men and women, I try to respect them more, and to understand them more and wear more unisex clothing not worry if its a male or women shirt. this dosent mean I didnt have female friends when I where younger, I just didnt try to understand and relate to them as I do now. ex I writte comics and the last few years I have tried to make females as main characters even when I find it much more difficult than male characters, but I but I try to force myself to not making it a challenge and let it be easy no matter what gender it is.

I also been blamming myself if this is cause by some female hating,
I know I always had big dyshoria of pregnacys and hated being seen as week, so I been fearing that transition just cause I fear being a mother or pregnant or by other facts who make me hate the female role, or maybe I simple didnt feel I could put up the standard of being a pretty woman, (even when I been told I am pretty in general?).
the ignorance that I dont know what make me trans or not is what worries me, specially when I dont feel that it should matter so much women or men.

Do you see yourself in ten, twenty, thirty years as a male living a happy, fulfilled life?
I general see myself as a male growing up to at least my 35, I try once in a while to think what it would be like to be an woman, but it seams abit wierd for me to think of, I couldnt really think of myself as an woman growing old, I could think myself of a man growing older even when I dont want to be old in general.
I dont have much future plans but I wanna travel and just enjoy life, going out with friends and drink beers pretty much like I live now just with more money a house and being more independed.