Yay, I came out! Now mixed feelings about going back in...

[Antonia J]

So, I came out about a month ago to my wife and a small group of very close friends. It's been a mixed bag, with a lot of tears, and more than one unexpected reaction. My wife and I are still together, though sorting out the relationship. As sad as I am that I hurt her, and that things have changed, I feel an immense amount of relief by acknowledging and embracing my female side. I have begun dressing andro, and have been out shopping for women's clothes and shoes.  I am also doing things like getting an appointment for laser, checking into an endocrinologist, etc.

Weekends are the best as I can fully dress in feminine mode. One of the female friends I came out to even invited me out for a mani-pedi with her (which was, to be honest, both odd and wonderful).  However, I am finding Mondays to be increasingly difficult and my mood dour when they arrive. I go back to being full male and dressing in a suit and tie for work, and it feels horrible and stifling. It actually is getting harder the more I explore, learn and embrace the woman that was so deeply hidden for so long in me.  Each week becomes more of a challenge to go back to guy mode on Monday.

I just wonder - I am sure others who are transitioning deal with this on a regular basis whether you are mtf or ftm. Do you have any coping mechanisms you use? Does it feel as much of an emotional swing for you as it does for me? I would really welcome your thoughts.

Toni

[suzifrommd]

I just wonder - I am sure others who are transitioning deal with this on a regular basis whether you are mtf or ftm. Do you have any coping mechanisms you use? Does it feel as much of an emotional swing for you as it does for me? I would really welcome your thoughts.

I've found things that give me joy and I do them as often as I can. Mine are listening to music, taking walks, reading, talking on the phone with close friends, and movies. Yours will be different, of course, but you can learn what things make you feel true to yourself and make life beautiful.

Doesn't mean I don't count the minutes until I will go full time.

[Rachel85]

Time moves so slowly (at times)! I focus on things that I need to do and that distracts me, when I'm at work I am in work mode and usually any "home" stuff doesn't even cross my mind until I go to lunch which is really useful. Otherwise I go for walks, read books, go to the gym, love music and funnily enough have stopped playing games (I was hugely into MMO's and RPG's for a long time) but I also put that off so I can get to the gym more often. I have a weight and fitness goal to reach before I go to start HRT and that keeps me motivated. I also spend heaps of time on here which on one hand really helps but also is a great time thief!
In terms of work I think of it as I need this to get what I want and I cant afford to do anything if I'm not here so it makes those early monday mornings a little bit more easy to handle (think of every shift as another laser session you have paid for!). I also genuinely like my work (most days...) and count myself lucky with that.
A lot of people live for the weekend too Toni! hahahah

[Antonia J]

In terms of work I think of it as I need this to get what I want and I cant afford to do anything if I'm not here so it makes those early monday mornings a little bit more easy to handle (think of every shift as another laser session you have paid for!).

It's funny, but I had not considered that, and it is certainly true.  Thanks for the perspective!  Also, I used to bike a lot and gave it up a few years ago.  The physical activity would probably do me well. Thank you.