***ADVISORY** This is purely based on my own opinion and experiences.
Unfortunately depression and transition seem to go together like peanut butter and jelly. Although this is considered normal, it is not always the case. I, for one, did not fall into this path of destruction. I had an enjoyable time and look back on as one of the most enlightening times of my life. Anger, depression, misery all of these feelings and emotions come from not having what we want at any given moment. So instead of simply accepting where we are at any point in time, we blame the world around us and use gender as our scapegoat.
When I made the choice that I was eventually going to transition I was on active duty in the Marine Corps and had several years before I would even consider making any changes in my life. By the general consensus, i should have been in a world of self-pity and misery until I left the Marines. That wasn't the case at all though. I had some mild anxiety from time to time in regards to being caught or outed but that usually passed relatively fast.
I began writing a journal. This was my therapy since there was no way I could tell uncle sam i prefer heels to combat boots. Writing in my journal helped me organize my thoughts and clear my mind. I eventually did see a therapist but only because it is the only way I could get a letter of diagnosis telling everyone what I already knew. My sessions basically consisted of me reciting the same stuff I had wrote in my journal. There was no magical question and answer session between my therapist and myself at all.
After this experience I got to thinking about the entire process of transgender care. I began to question whether we are depressed because we are transgender or because we are made to feel like crap by a system that ensures it always has a steady income. I am not alone in my thoughts on this either. I have friends who feel the same way as i do on this subject. One friend was put on HRT and the estrogen put them into a state of depression so the therapist then put them on Prozac. Now they are hooked on it.
I don't think being transgender on any level has to be a life of angst, depression, or hatred of the life we live. So many of us go through the motions and "transition" but still live with so much repressed anger, resentment, and rage for our pasts. Why is this? Isn't the end all solution to our misery supposed to become the gender we want to be? If this is the case then why are so many "transitioned" people still an emotional train wreck? Was it the therapist not doing the proper evaluation and not giving the proper care? Is it that we have learned what to say to get our letters and we don't really get the treatment for what is really bringing us discomfort in our lives?
I think many of us rely on therapy to give us the answers that we could just as easily find ourselves. Since therapy is a necessary part of the legal process it easily becomes a crutch so many of us depend on for our validity and acceptance. So, when it come to finding the right therapist or asking the right questions, I think if we take a good look inside, we will find the answers to that we seek.
This is my $.02
