sudden feelings of gender neutrality

[noname]

I've always been pretty androgynous (in looks and personality). I identified as ftm (and still kind of do) for 4 or 5 years, and have been presenting myself as male for about 3 years. I had been thinking for a couple of months on-and-off, how nice it would be to be happy as a female. I do enjoy feminine things, as well as masculine things. And I wouldn't have to get a surgery to be happy. There are no cures for transsexualism, so it would be likely to stay a dream. But yesterday I suddenly thought "I don't care what people think.". I know that I am male, but I'm feeling more gender neutral now. I might even be able to live as female, but I haven't tried, so I am not sure. Up until yesterday, I felt very strongly that I wanted to be seen as male. But now I don't even care what people see me as. My mom suggested that I want to be seen as male because I don't like the attention females get, and I think this might be true, because I'm not really bothered by being called female, but I am bothered by being treated as a female.

Does anyone else feel like this? Should I be concerned over my sudden semi-gender-neutrality? I still see myself as male, but I don't care if others see me as female. I still mind being treated as a female, though.

Sorry if this is confusing and contradicting. lol I'm pretty confused right now, so that only makes the way I speak more confusing than usual.

[brainiac]

Does anyone else feel like this? Should I be concerned over my sudden semi-gender-neutrality? I still see myself as male, but I don't care if others see me as female. I still mind being treated as a female, though.

I feel a similar way, especially the line I quoted above. Labels are tricky, but I generally refer to myself as genderqueer or androgyne FTM. I see myself as a guy, and I get some body dysphoria. But I've decided that SRS and HRT aren't for me. I also enjoy a variety of gender expression, so I like to dress girly some days ("drag") and more masculinely other days. It doesn't threaten my masculine-of-center identity. I'm now pretty content with my body as-is and have ways of dealing with the dysphoria, because I've explained what I want to the people I care about, and they treat me like a guy. Random people on the street will almost always misgender me as female because of the way I look, but I've let go of being bothered by that so much. It's still annoying, but it comes with the path I've chosen.

I don't think that it necessarily should be something that concerns you--the point of transitioning is to find the place you feel comfortable. It's difficult to figure out exactly what you want and what reduces your dysphoria sometimes, but experimenting should help you!

[noname]

Thanks you two. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with these kind of feelings

[Shantel]

Thanks you two. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with these kind of feelings

You're certainly not alone, I split most of my time on either side of the fence, gender ID isn't important to just being me and learning to be content in my own skin regardless of how I present for the day.

[ativan]

noname quote: 'Should I be concerned over my sudden semi-gender-neutrality?'

No.
You're learning to accept yourself.
It can be confusing at times, even contradictory.
These are just steps in learning acceptance for the things that are you.

Most things in life are like that.
Gender is an important thing for you right now.
That can make those steps seem like they are harder than they are.

You're not alone in this. Welcome to the club.
Ativan

[noname]

noname quote: 'Should I be concerned over my sudden semi-gender-neutrality?'

No.
You're learning to accept yourself.
It can be confusing at times, even contradictory.
These are just steps in learning acceptance for the things that are you.

Most things in life are like that.
Gender is an important thing for you right now.
That can make those steps seem like they are harder than they are.

You're not alone in this. Welcome to the club.
Ativan

I'm glad to hear that being said. I thought that I might be going crazy or something. But maybe I've just had enough of feeling that I have to hide, and that's what helped those feelings surface. I dunno. lol Anyways, thanks for your comment. (And thanks to everyone else, as well)

[dreameragi]

Sorry if this is confusing and contradicting. lol I'm pretty confused right now, so that only makes the way I speak more confusing than usual.

You are certainly not alone. I am MAAB, but very often gender neutral or feminine, and sometimes masculine. I think I am able to detect the reasons that cause this shift, but at times my identity just shifts by itself. I think it's quite beautiful to be able to feel this world from such a wide spectrum, but expressing such a large sense of gender can get difficult.