Pre-changes - what did you do to make yourself feel better?

[Leo.]

I am pre everything right now unfortunately and its only getting harder every day now. My depression is becoming worse again.. Probably be at least 6 months yet before anything can happen, maybe longer. In the meantime anything that can help me feel a little better might help. I very rarely pass cause of my crappy body and everytime I hear the wrong thing used its immediate set in depression

Before you could change anything, what made you feel better in yourself? Even just a small thing that only you knew about in private. Theres not much I can do as I've dressed in guy clothes my entire life. Besides getting top surgery and starting T theres nothing at all else I can change for living full time, really I already have been my whole life. The only thing I really do is wear boxers. Makes me feel slightly better. Only a private thing, no one else knows. I actually find them alot more comfortable to wear. I dont use a binder as it just wouldnt work for me. Was considering trying anyway, though Im sure it would make no difference its that bad, but I read it can affect the surgery so Im not going to now. Cant wait to get started with things but I have to endure this torment for awhile yet

[Blaine]

I'm pre-everything until I can find a job to pay the bills for it, but I spent about $20 on a cheap packer to help ease my dysphoria a little. I was running out of socks to use so... it was cheaper in the long run. 

I've found a better place to wait in for a while (a nicer waiting room in my head, I guess) by learning to appreciate what I have and spending every second I have doing something. It reminds me I still have my health, unlike several close members of my family, and lets me help them out too. If there's nothing you can do right now to change how you look on the outside, take a little while to work on the inside. Now is as good a time as any to start getting your confidence together because it sure isn't going to be getting easier.

[Jenny07]

I have found getting laser on my well everything as of Tuesday has helped quite a bit. 9 sessions on my face and still some buggers left to zap, front, back mostly clear and legs are next on the shopping list that I have been shaving for many years. It is realy nice not to have stubble or a shadow at 9am.
With laser there is no need for approval so went ahead with it and has really made me feel much better than before.
Even though it hurts I love it. Is that sick?

Also saw the Dr and got some Propecia for hair loss. Has some nice side effects but it has also helped quite a bit.

Shopping for some clothes, while scary also helps. It is so different than guy shopping which I loathe with a passion.
Girl shopping, now that is fun.

J

[Trisha]

Hello Leo,
I am MTF so going the other way but if I may, I would like to share some thoughts.
Our transitions are only a process so before that comes for you, may I suggest to think about what type of man are you?
What I mean by this is, that there are many different types, so for example, some men are jocks, others are scholarly, some are gentlemen, most are not..lol. so therefore, starting from what type of man yo are and also what type of lifestyle you wish to live are good starting points becasue in these things, you will become aware of what interests you would like to pursue, learn and later refine.
An example of this, perhaps, would be mens clothing.
Then from there, your lifestyle and which clothes to wear.

There are 2 main categories Classic Menswear and Streetwear.
Under these, are every conceivable clothing you would ever want.
I will give you some links. You don't have to join if you don't wish to, but I encourage you to just browse the links, and perhaps this can be a source of inspiration.

Streetwear & Denim
http://www.styleforum.net/f/13/streetwear-and-denim
What Are You Wearing Today WAYWT
http://www.styleforum.net/t/164384/the-waywt-discussion-thread/90900#post_6250758
over 6.000 pages to sift through.


Classic Menswear
http://www.styleforum.net/f/5/classic-menswear
There is a specific thread called 'What Are You Wearing Right Now'
http://www.styleforum.net/t/234255/hof-what-are-you-wearing-right-now-part-iii/48810
Thousands of pages of men posting their clothes...and a lot of boyish banter.
This section is more for traditional menswear.

Hopefully, there are photos and discussion that you can enjoy there and pick up on how some men talk and behave.
Because you alreasy identify as male, there is nothing to worry about there so all that is needed is practical experience living as such and that simply somes with time.

There are a few films I would recommend, on what I personally feel are examples of a 'mans man'
Tombstone
Braveheart
The Patriot
Die Hard (first one is best but the first 3 are all good)
Gladiator

These are only pesonal favourites but  I love the male personas of these heros.

Oh...something that also comes to mind is the mind itself.
Wherever possible, try to connect with or have social moments with older men.
The Mens Clothing discussion Forum Styleforum would be good practice for you to hone some skills.
Beauty of the internet is, no one knows who anyone is so use this to your advantage.

Wishing you smooth sailing and peace.
I hope this was of some help.

[Leo.]

Thanks Trisha, I didnt expect so much to be directed at me here. But that is an interesting thought yes. Thats ok, I wasnt being specific with gender here so MTF is fine, just in general how people can help themselves feel a little better before getting to the stage of any changes being able to happen

I dont actually know the answer to that and not sure I would be the best person to 'label' myself as it were. I am always nothing but negative about myself so maybe I would be biased against myself. I think my girlfriend may be the best to answer this. I am certainly not a jock though or particuarly a scholar. I have been called a gentleman on occasion (maybe would more often if I wasnt wrongly mistaken for what I am) as I always try to help others etc even when they dont deserve it.. I dont know, Im just me really  I've worn mens clothing my entire life so apart from hormones and surgery there is literally nothing else I can do to alter my appearance to be recognised for what I am, my body is what gives it away as far as I can tell. I always just wear jeans and a t-shirt. I would like to do more but with my chest in the way I cant do what I want without looking stupid in my opinion. Once this is out of my way and I dont have to worry about this again I would like to wear shirts with waistcoats etc, like that style not sure why. I do like my tux but hardly everyday wear  Once I can wear more stuff I want to (post top surgery) then I will probably go for stuff from both categories, just depends on individual items I like theres no real style overall I'd say I love, it varies. I like some sports clothing too, I wear NBA jerseys alot, I like some football tops etc. Basically whatever I happen to like. I have a superbike so I wear leather jackets alot too

Thanks for all that stuff though, might come across some new ideas there. I've always passed online as a guy with the way I communicate etc so not sure thats part of my problem. I do occasionally pass in person, when I dont Im sure its due to my body as this is very hard to hide. I have seen several of those movies yes they are good

My mind is certainly male though I'd like to think in an improved way than the average normal guy as I have more respect for women than they seem to and all the crap I've been through has changed me alot too


It has made me think about your question yes so thank you

I'm pre-everything until I can find a job to pay the bills for it, but I spent about $20 on a cheap packer to help ease my dysphoria a little. I was running out of socks to use so... it was cheaper in the long run. 

I've found a better place to wait in for a while (a nicer waiting room in my head, I guess) by learning to appreciate what I have and spending every second I have doing something. It reminds me I still have my health, unlike several close members of my family, and lets me help them out too. If there's nothing you can do right now to change how you look on the outside, take a little while to work on the inside. Now is as good a time as any to start getting your confidence together because it sure isn't going to be getting easier.

Yeah main problem with this is the amount it all costs.. Anything like that is worth it though to help you get through things a little easier. Have to admit I have one myself, helps a bit sometimes. Again only a private thing, would make no sense to use it in public right now. Lol sure its better to use than the sock method too  Well thats good, anything that helps is. Could always be worse I suppose yeah. Nothing else I can change, already been doing everything I possibly can at this point. I lack confidence and everything else for a number of reasons, this problem in itself has brought me really bad depression which is of course related to feeling like that so its a continual loop really I cant break until I get this process started. It sure wont but something happening will still be amazing and I cant wait to get there

I have found getting laser on my well everything as of Tuesday has helped quite a bit. 9 sessions on my face and still some buggers left to zap, front, back mostly clear and legs are next on the shopping list that I have been shaving for many years. It is realy nice not to have stubble or a shadow at 9am.
With laser there is no need for approval so went ahead with it and has really made me feel much better than before.
Even though it hurts I love it. Is that sick?

Also saw the Dr and got some Propecia for hair loss. Has some nice side effects but it has also helped quite a bit.

Shopping for some clothes, while scary also helps. It is so different than guy shopping which I loathe with a passion.
Girl shopping, now that is fun.

J

Its good to have something you can do to help so this is good and will help for later down the line meaning you wont then need to do all that. Good to do something in advance that you dont need to wait for. I dont think so, it may hurt but you know the effects are worth it. I know the surgery will likely bring alot of pain but I dont care as it will all be worth it

Never done that but if it helps you get through things and is fun then cant be a bad thing. Nice to find anything, however small, that psychologically makes things feel a little less difficult to deal with

[androgynoid]

It sounds crazy, but one thing that really helped with my dysphoria was changing up my hair color every couple of weeks. I had a long-ish buzz cut for most of the time I did this, so it didn't matter that I was frying my hair since it grew out and got cut off every couple of months. I think it was having some small measure of control over how I looked that helped. Plus, I was in college not working a real-world job, so I could get away with any color I wanted. My favorites were a sort of raspberry pink/red, and a blue that looked purple in sunlight.

It's kind of a weird metric, but I think the fact that I haven't dyed my hair in 6 months or so says a lot about how much better I'm doing. I still dye my hair from time to time, but it's not out of desperation anymore. I also have more patience in between haircuts; I can let my hair grow a little longer without obsessively buzzing it off.