Letting my dad know I want to be transgender

[cturner88]

How and what is the best way to let my dad know I want to be a transgender? I'm afraid of what he might do and say. I have always wanted to be the opposite sex and I even eat foods with a lot of estrogen in them and shave my chest, legs, and arms to look more feminine. I'm afraid my dad won't accept me being a transgender but when he found out I started shaving my legs he said that was one step towards womanhood so maybe he has a clue? I'm not sure but I need some advice.

Thank you in advance.

[StellaB]

Telling him that you have been feeling transgendered is probably going to be more successful than telling him that you 'want' to be transgendered. Think about it.

I will leave it there, as I'm sure there are others here better placed to give you much better advice.

[Devlyn]

Hi and welcome to Susan's Place! Before we start the discussion, let's make sure we're all usng the same terms. Here are the Standard Terms and Definitions used on the site. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html

There are some people here who may bristle at your suggestion of wanting to be transgender,I am sure you meant no harm by it. Some here, myself included, embrace our transgender side. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

[cturner88]

I agree, right now I'm about to tell my aunt on facebook. I asked her if she can keep a secret first though. She said as long as its not detrimental to me. Would this be considered detrimental?

[Devlyn]

You may wish to arm yourself with information before taking any unplanned steps. Here is some more reading material. The Wiki link at the top of the page is a goldmine.  https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender

Hugs, Devlyn

[StellaB]

There are some people here who may bristle at your suggestion of wanting to be transgender,I am sure you meant no harm by it. Some here, myself included, embrace our transgender side. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

That wasn't my intention. It's pretty obvious that the OP is just starting out, is probably young, and as you probably know yourself coming out is an extremely stressful and difficult situation - more so to a parent - and the phrasing of those first words is crucial.

Kudos to the OP for facing up to this. I don't care what anyone says it takes an awful amount of courage. I was just trying to suggest something which would make the conversation easier.

However I'll shut up and leave the thread to others.

[Devlyn]

You misundersood. My reply was to Cturner. I was not implying that you bristled. I will bet you a dollar that someone eventually posts that they don't want to be transgender, and wouldn't wish it on anyone. In fact,  make it two dollars.* I hope you'll continue to post in the thread. Hugs, Devlyn






* (I want my two dollars!)

[Shodan]

...

I owe you a dollar, Devlyn. I really, really, don't want to be transgender. But I am, and most days I'm okay with it. I'd just give <disposable body part of choice> to be born cis-anything.

[KaylaW]

Didn't ask for a dime...2 dollars...cash. Haha, I love that movie and most people don't get it when I say that.

I'd give anything (just about) to have been born female. I'd give just about anything to be well into transition and be fully supported by my friends and especially my family.

Keep us informed OP and good luck.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Where is my $2?

cturner, your dad is also wrong about shaving body hair, as a thing that only women do, there are plenty of men who don't like body hair either.

[cturner88]

How much does being a transgender cost?

[Devlyn]

Being transgender doesn't cost anything. It isn't bought and sold. Transition costs can run into many thousands of dollars. Forty one percent of us pay with their lives through suicde. What question were you asking? Hugs, Devlyn

[Anna++]

cturner, your dad is also wrong about shaving body hair, as a thing that only women do, there are plenty of men who don't like body hair either.

My brother is huge into biking, and he shaves his legs all the time.

My advice is to tell people you know will accept you first.  That'll help to build up your confidence and help you figure out what to say to people you're less sure about.  Good luck, I hope everything goes well!

[Keira]

How much does being a transgender cost?

If you don't mind me asking, is English your native/first language?

Or are you confused as to what transgender means?

[Devlyn]

If you don't mind me asking, is English your native/first language?

Or are you confused as to what transgender means?

And if you don't mind me asking, are you planning on contributing to the discussion, or are you just trying to put cturner on the spot?

[couch tater]

Before you tell your dad, I think it would be good for you to check out the wiki here and look at a few other resources online(you should be able to google stuff) so that you would be ready for any questions he may throw at you. If you aren't prepared, you could have a hard time convincing him of anything concerning it.

[Keira]

And if you don't mind me asking, are you planning on contributing to the discussion, or are you just trying to put cturner on the spot?

I just thought I could clear up some confusion before I post something which may or may not be useful. I wasn't trying to be rude...

Besides, cturner doesn't have to answer if they don't want to.

[Devlyn]

Yes, I have been working on clearing things up since he beginning of the thread as well, please feel free to help our new member with any advice you may have pertaining to the questions they've asked. Hugs, Devlyn

[Keira]

How and what is the best way to let my dad know I want to be a transgender? I'm afraid of what he might do and say. I have always wanted to be the opposite sex and I even eat foods with a lot of estrogen in them and shave my chest, legs, and arms to look more feminine. I'm afraid my dad won't accept me being a transgender but when he found out I started shaving my legs he said that was one step towards womanhood so maybe he has a clue? I'm not sure but I need some advice.

Thank you in advance.

Your dad probably has no clue, in fact it's difficult to properly explain to parents what being transgender is. My parents have misconceptions and stereotypes about transgender people; for example they think that being transgender = sexual orientation, or that because I'm transgender I want to alter my lower parts (srs).

Overall it's better to do some research on coming out before you tell your parents, and also some research on various topics on Brin transgender. Not only that, but you might want to explore your gender identity before you tell them. Generally there are three reactions you could get; 1. They freak out and make you move out, 2. They pretend the conversation never happened, or 3. They understand and accept you. Remember, these three reactions are not necessarily permanent; some parents will change their views. Sometimes this happens when you educate them about being transgender, sometimes they research about it themselves.

I agree, right now I'm about to tell my aunt on facebook. I asked her if she can keep a secret first though. She said as long as its not detrimental to me. Would this be considered detrimental?

It may be detrimental if she spills your secret to everyone in your family...so unless you trust her completely...don't do it.

How much does being a transgender cost?

It all depends on how you want to alter your body, and what you need to buy to make yourself more feminine. It also depends on where you get your clothes, body augmentation surgeries, or anything else that will feminize you.

Others here may be able to give you rough estimates...Im pre-transition (sort of) so I don't really know much off hand.

Note- I'm assuming you're MAAB (Male assigned at birth) because of your first post.

[Jamie D]

How and what is the best way to let my dad know I want to be a transgender? I'm afraid of what he might do and say. I have always wanted to be the opposite sex and I even eat foods with a lot of estrogen in them and shave my chest, legs, and arms to look more feminine. I'm afraid my dad won't accept me being a transgender but when he found out I started shaving my legs he said that was one step towards womanhood so maybe he has a clue? I'm not sure but I need some advice.

Thank you in advance.

If your screen name is a clue, then I believe you to be 24 or 25 years old.  That is an adult by any definition of the word, and you certainly do not need permission, but it is beneficial to have support.

There are a couple of interesting points in your post though.  I don't think or believe many people "want to be" transgender.  There are some, of course, and others who are, but mistake those feelings for sexuality issues (like me, for many years).  Your best bet would be to see a therapist and work out what your issues are.

Shaving legs, however, is not necessarily a "step towards womanhood."  Lot of men shave their legs and bodies, including big burly body builders.  So that observation says more about your father's perceptions, than about your gender.  With that said, shaving my legs was a personal coping mechanism for my gender dysphoria.  It may be for you too.