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Managing physical dysphoria for a bigendered person?

Started by DanaRSS, April 08, 2013, 02:15:05 AM

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DanaRSS

I'm physically female and identify/present as male part-time; I'd describe myself as bigendered or gender-fluid.  A lot of the time I'm actually a big fan of my body, wouldn't change a thing, but sometimes I get a really unpleasant feeling in the vicinity of my sex organs.  It actually took years for me to realize that the feelings of male identity and the unpleasant physical feelings might be related.  It's kind of an ache and kind of a general ickiness.  Almost like the creepy feeling when a bug crawls over you and then leaves, but you can still feel something there.  It can come on during sex or just on its own.  It doesn't come with a longing to have a penis per se, at least no conscious thoughts related to that, but packing (well, I use a sock) does seem to help some.  Oddly enough, my breasts are usually fine while all this is going on.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else on the gender-fluid/genderqueer/CD spectrum experiences this, and if so, if there's anything that works for you to relieve it.  It comes and goes naturally anyway, and there are times when I feel like my body is just right and it makes me very happy.  I assume this is part of the gender dysphoria which is resolved through SRS, but I'd prefer to not change my body since it's such a part-time problem for me.  Any tips?

[Note: I originally wrote a similar post in the FTM Transsexual section, but then I read the section descriptions more carefully and realized it belonged here.  Sorry about that!]
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spacial

While you're waiting for someone with experience of that form of dysphoria, you could have a look here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,138566.0.html

Same problem, just different anatomy. (For now).
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brainiac

I'm FAAB genderqueer--male-identified, fluid presentation--and don't plan on HRT or surgery. I'm lucky in that my occasional chest dysphoria is completely controllable through binding, but my "bottom" dysphoria is similar to yours (though I do get a phantom penis sensation). I've found when it comes up outside of the context of sex, using a packer helps fill out my pants enough. But using a packer or strap-on during sex actually tends to aggravate the dysphoria sometimes, since I'm very aware that I can't feel what's going on. I think there are a few things that have helped me with that. One is changing the terminology my partner and I use and the way he touches me. I've also worked on generally getting more in-tune with my body through exercise and meditation. The last thing... well, let's just say that apparently I needed to smoke a particular green substance that is against the rules to discuss in-depth in order to get my brain to form a solid connection between the parts I do have and my mental body map (it also helps my anxiety problems). But, of course, I'm not going to recommend that since it may not be legal where you are.  :D
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DanaRSS

Thanks for the tips!  I just started packing to relieve it yesterday, and I wasn't expecting it to help, but it did.  The unpleasant feeling doesn't come with a conscious desire for a penis, so I figured packing wouldn't do anything.  But it really lessened the discomfort.  The more I explore stuff like this, the less I rely on my own navel-gazing, and the more I just try everything with no assumptions about what'll work for me.

Learning the similarities between male and female anatomy has also helped.  (Things like the penis and internal clitoris being variations on the same structure.)  I also have a male partner, and I might ask him to try some of the alternate terminology.  Thanks for the advice.

Very occasionally I've gotten a phantom penis; I'll shift position and expect to feel something move in that area, but of course there's nothing there.  But that doesn't cause me distress; I just notice it and then move on.

I think the reason I don't have chest dysphoria is because I'm so small up top.  I'm an A, and there are probably MAAB people with bad gynecomastia whose chests are as big as mine.  I consider A-cups a blessing.  : )
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