Do stories of people "De-transitioning" make you feel uncomfortable ?

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

Do stories of people "De-transitioning" make you feel uncomfortable ?

If so, why?

Metta Zenda

[Tristan]

No. Transition is not for everyone. I know I tried it before and think that if you can not transition and be happy then go for it

[JoanneB]

Mostly sad on one hand, yet proud of them for at least trying to live the dream

[Sarah Louise]

Why would it?  Its a personal decision.

[Devlyn]

Not at all, and we should be "mindful" that our detransitioners need a lot of support. We wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable or feel unwelcome. Hugs, Devlyn

[Devlyn]

I'm going to post again. I think this topic is ill advised. It is flirting with TOS Rule #10, and is an open door for bashing peoples choices. I urge everyone to be very thoughtful before posting in this thread. Hugs, Devlyn

[suzifrommd]

I would say definitely yes. A decision to detransition means someone is profoundly uncomfortable in their new identity. I feel for them and am afraid it could happen to me.

[kelly_aus]

Nope, but sometimes the stated reasons leave me with questions..

[Nero]

Re: Do stories of people "De-transitioning" make you feel uncomfortable ?

No. I can see how it could happen, even if the person was sure of their identity. The grass is not really very green on either side of the gender fence. Even if someone had a fully 100% female brain, it doesn't mean they're going to be comfortable with everything involved with female life. Or vice versa.

Pre-transitioners can tend to blame all their issues on being trans. In some cases, most their issues do stem from it. But that doesn't mean transition fixes this. It's very tempting while going through transition to believe that though.

Plus, it's not just about being fit for male or female life. We still have trans specific issues to deal with that have nothing to do with that like being stealth or not (which some personalities are better suited for than others), rejection from family and friends and oftentimes spouses, trans specific sexuality issues, personal safety issues, etc. Sometimes it may be the trans specific problems the person's having a hard time with rather than not being a 'true transsexual' or whatever fit for male or female life.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Uncomfortable?  No.  Sad?  Yes.  But I can understand the why, as I did it myself.  If I could tell them anything it would be "it will get better.  Detransition is just postponing the inevitable."

[Anatta]

I'm going to post again. I think this topic is ill advised. It is flirting with TOS Rule #10, and is an open door for bashing peoples choices. I urge everyone to be very thoughtful before posting in this thread. Hugs, Devlyn

Kia Ora Devlyn.

I think you are reading a bit too much into it...However by urging others to be thoughtful before posting a comment is a wise move on any topic/thread ...

Some people can feel a little uncomfortable when reading about others de-transitioning, because it can bring up self doubts, and it's very important for the person who wishes to transition to try and  eliminate all 'possible' doubts beforehand...

This is not a thread to 'bash' de-transitioners, far from it, it's to find out why some might feel uncomfortable reading about another person's "personal" experience... 


It's good that you show concern Devlyn, but I do feel it's somewhat unwarranted...

Metta Zenda

[Blaine]

No, although I'm sometimes a little worried about their thought processes when they make the choice to transition, then again when they de-transition. It seems like some of the most memorable cases (to me) didn't receive any/thorough counseling before making the decision. In the end it's their personal choice, and as long as they're happy I'm happy for them.

I think it's good to read about people who have rethought their choices because it makes us stop and re-examine our own choices. I researched a bit on de-transitioning before I even found a therapist so I would be absolutely sure about my decision beforehand. I try not to take a side on an issue until I've heard something from all of the viewpoints.

[Henna]

It does create anxiety in me to read about detransition, but still I read those stories.

I just feel the anxiety, as I kind of cannot know what life throws against me. I know I'm a woman, I know I would feel more me if other people (as well as me) could see me as a female.

However, life is not that simple and constant harassing or not passing at all, can get you down and that is what I'm reading from most of the detransition stories and that is what really fires up my anxiety.

Also the fact, that transition perhaps doesn't take away all dysphoria.

[Anatta]

I've been watching a vlog on a person's detransitioning journey. they are going from ftmtq. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, but I face that truth for my own good. And I treat people like that with respect because they're doing what they think they need to and I can't fault them for that. Everyone's experience is different. Pretransition, this person was extremely careful and are themselves a psycho therapist! Not someone who dived into transition without thinking. Its a reality that I respect them for sharing.

EDIT: Ps. I think it makes some people uncomfortable to face this truth, including myself up to a point, because it challenges the idea that transition is the cure-all, final stop for trans* people's personal journeys. And it shows us that there are no guarantees to happiness, transition being no exception to the rule.

Kia Ora Chris,

I'm afraid I'm not up with the times, so is a vlog a video blog ? if so do you have the link, the person you mentioned sounds quite interesting...

And it's good that you are also very cautious...
 
Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

It does create anxiety in me to read about detransition, but still I read those stories.

I just feel the anxiety, as I kind of cannot know what life throws against me. I know I'm a woman, I know I would feel more me if other people (as well as me) could see me as a female.

However, life is not that simple and constant harassing or not passing at all, can get you down and that is what I'm reading from most of the detransition stories and that is what really fires up my anxiety.

Also the fact, that transition perhaps doesn't take away all dysphoria.

Kia Ora Henna,

I feel this is why the Real Life Experience [after being on HRT and some FF surgery if necessary] is so important...To help iron out any bumps in the road... Through the RLE one gets a 'taste' of what's to come and if it is not to their liking, then they must look for alternative means to help easy their dysphoria...

Having major surgery, only to find one does not feel comfortable[still suffering dysphoria] could create even more dysphoria when not being able to fully 'function' as one's birth sex again...

Which dysphoria is the worst ?

To Be Or Not To Be ?

Transitioning is tough and in order to survive one must take every measure possible to ensure one reaches ones goal safely-with no or minimal regrets...

Metta Zenda

[Adam (birkin)]

They used to, especially when people were supposedly 100% sure and then went back. But I found that often, when they explained the reasons why they wanted to transition in the first place, or had a fundamental assumption about transition that was wrong - it's something I already asked myself and made peace with. So it doesn't bother me anymore.

[Joanna Dark]

I think this is really good topic but probably cause I was just thinking of how it's kinda weird that I don't have any doubts about transitioning. But when reading stories of detransition, the ones that worry me aren't so much the ones where someone detransitions for personal reasons but for reasons of passability and harassment.

That kinda worries me 'cause then I start thinking what will I do if after three years on hormones and even FFS I still don't pass and I get openly mocked in public and am unemployable? It's very doubtful this will happen and I'm pretty sure I'll pass 100 percent after laser and voice therapy but when reading stories like this my heart does race. But I'm still 100 percent sure this is the right decision for me right now. But other then the detransitioning for passability issues it doesn't make me uncomfortable and I just hope the person finds happiness.

[Cindy]

I think that a major part of transitioning is in the question; why?

The answer will never be simple, although many of us think it is clear and obvious. Unless we can be clear and understand why, then de-transitioning will be a 'risk', if I may use that term.

As others have said transitioning does not change your problems, in many ways it may magnify them. We need to think through those aspects as we seek therapy.

Sadly I feel too many of us look at therapists as gate keepers who are there to prevent or inhibit our desire. When therapy should be the sounding board for our concerns and fears. Therapists should provide an arena, where we can explore our expectations and inform us of the real life problems that we may be looking at through rose-coloured lenses and ignoring; at our peril.

For many of us they are an inhibition to obtaining HRT, when in fact the SHOULD be a mechanism of allowing us to understand ourselves.

So from my perspective de-transitioning does make me feel uncomfortable as it suggest that trans* therapy is poor, a fact that I'm aware of.  It also means that many of my brothers and sisters are not receiving the therapy they need, when they need it and are placed in a situation of risk when they need to be helped.

That makes me sad.

C

[suzifrommd]

So from my perspective de-transitioning does make me feel uncomfortable as it suggest that trans* therapy is poor, a fact that I'm aware of. 

Well I think I'm finally getting the best therapy there is, but I still don't think it'll protect me from a bad transition. She makes it clear that in the end it's up to me, and the only way I'll really know is to try it.

As it is, I have my doubts. I'm definitely MTF but whether the stresses of transition will be too much for me, I'm going to have to go full time to find that out.

[Denjin]

It's a serious reminder that you need to be very certain and also aware of the possible consequences of it all.  I know someone who did this after paying a lot of money for FFS and other work. All the counselling in the world can only prepare you so much. Also, there is a lot of cognitive dissonance or a degree of confirmation bias, IMHO.