Hating Puberty

[Keira]

I've seen a few articles about trans people absolutely hating puberty...and most of them say "almost all trans people hate puberty"...

I'm probably one of the ones that didn't hate puberty, although I didn't necessarily like it either...I'm just curious how many of us didn't hate puberty. I'm (again) questioning if I am in fact trans...or this is just something I made up...

So, how many of us didn't absolutely loathe puberty?

[Lesley_Roberta]

I think I skipped that class

Puberty to me, it went something like this, my first ejaculation moment, in the bathroom, and it was a complete firehose, no really, it was almost like in an anime. I actually painted the wall opposite the toilet, ruined a roll of toilet tissue

Scared the heck out of myself. Is that really suppose to happen?

Then I realized girls generated that need to do that thing. And I did what kids that age do, played with it.

Then I discovered text books, and I sort of just disappeared.

Does anything else happen during puberty? Did I miss anything?

[suzifrommd]

So, how many of us didn't absolutely loathe puberty?

I definitely didn't hate it. I never hated having a male body (though I grew to know that I would have preferred a female one).

I was the typical horny male-bodied teenager. Being transgender apparently never dulled my sex drive. So basically, I was happy when I had a girlfriend, unhappy when I didn't.

[spacial]

I had a very late one.

Perhaps, because I was older and had already see what was to happen. Though I hoped it would never start, I wasn't as surprised.

But I was very sad. My beautiful body was destroyed.

I could pass as a girl, with the minimum of effort. Then I became this.

I tried to laugh at it.

The worst came one day when I was walking through a local fair, near to where my mother was living. There was a stall manned by a friend of hers. The friend called out, 'Hi M*, is that your son? My he's become such a strapping young man.'

How could I tell them? I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy.

[Ltl89]

I was not very fond of puberty.  In fact, we were mortal enemies,lol.

However, I have heard that this is not the case for every trans person.  While it seems to deviate from the common trans experience, some people realize latter on in life.  I don't think were as homogeneous of a community as we appear. You certainly don't need to fit the typical narrative to identify as transgender. Although, I would say that discomfort with ones puberty is something that many of us experienced.

Is there any particular reason you question your identity other than your feeling towards puberty?

[Keira]

Is there any particular reason you question your identity other than your feeling towards puberty?

I don't really have dysphoria about my lower parts...but if I had the choice I would have female lower parts. But I do have dysphoria about the shape of my body/face, and my body hair.

I've never crossdressed, but I have wanted to.

Didn't always know that "I was supposed to be a girl", but I did know that I didn't fit with either gender.

Although I did start to have strong feelings of being trans at 16, it was like a part of me that I locked up decided to escape.

[Kade1985]

My puberty was a mangled mess of confusion. I was visiting my grandparents when it struck me. I didn't know what to think of it, so I sort of... ignored it.. At least until my grandmother noticed and she had to tell me what was happening. When my chest starting growing I hated it and I didn't want that to happen.

So to break it down in two parts, bleeding for several days confused and scared me when my grandmother told me what was happening. I was afraid that was going to happen every single day for the rest of my life and I hated that idea. Part two: I didn't want my chest to grow, I tried to simply ignore it until I wasn't able to anymore (IE had to wear a bra because I was getting bigger).

I think everyone handles puberty differently though, doesn't matter if we're trans, straight, gay, les, or bi. I think everyone approaches it differently. When my sister first got a visit from "Aunt flo" I was on the computer and suddenly she was screaming bloody murder in the bathroom. So it more than startled my sister lol.

But that was my experience

[Nero]

Well puberty was hell for me. But again, I think sometimes people have different circumstances. Especially if someone started late like Lesley mentioned - I think the experience is going to be drastically different from someone starting early. I started a bit early for a girl, but not overly.

Maybe realization of what is happening also makes a difference. If someone is more conscious of what is happening and what it means for their identity, it's probably going to be a worse experience. And there are just different degrees of dysphoria sometimes. For someone who doesn't have a lot of body dysphoria, it's not such a surprise they didn't have many issues with puberty.

I do think that it's good to explore these doubts rather than just dismiss them though. If you're not showing many signs of transsexualism at all, there may be something to that. That doesn't mean you have to have any specific 'classic trait', but if you've been generally happy in your birth sex most of your life, that's something to consider. I'm not up on your story, just the past few threads. You may or may not be trans. I don't know. I just don't want to come off as dismissing your doubts.

[Keira]

If you want to, you can check out my first blog entry here. It's under "Skye's Blog". It just roughly describes my experiences.

I'm just afraid that I'm overly questioning myself.,.like its almost past the point where I should have accepted that I'm trans...

I do want a female body and to present feminine, and if I was with a guy I would prefer to be treated like a girl...I don't know if that explicitly makes me trans, but that's how I feel...

Right now I really do hate my body hair...

[Ltl89]

Hey Sky Blue,

First, it is good you are questioning it.  I think it is healthy for us to try and sort our identity out.  It would be wise to have that sorted out before starting a transition.

I don't think everybody has lower body dysphoria.  This seems to differ from person to person in my experience.  If you had no body dysphoria at all, I would say there is something worth looking further into.

How do you feel about the prospect of living as a women and never appearing as a male again?  Does that frighten you?  Does that relieve you?  Is it a mixture?  If you aren't sure yet, that is okay.  Some people need time to discover this and there is no shame in that.  I would suggest dressing (I hate the term cross dressing as it seems flawed)  as a woman and see how that appeals to you.  Even if you aren't ready to go out yet, do it alone and see how you feel.  A lot of this comes down to how we feel internally and how we wish to live.  Once you have that figured out, you are golden.  The past is worth investigating because it can give you insight into who you are.  But the past may not always answer or solve your current feelings.  I think looking back is good, but only if it helps you move forward and helps guide you in deciding how to proceed.  However, if you feel that you want to live as a women, don't feel held back because your story doesn't match the norm.  Not all trans people realize it when they were children.  Personally, I came to the realization more around 10 (despite earlier signs) which is considered older in this community.  This is a very individual thing and only you can decide what you want and who you are.  Just continue to experiment and learn.  Have you gone to a transgender support group or a gender therapist?  That may very well help you sort out your feelings.

[Keira]

I don't have a lot of resources where I live so Im very limited as to what I can do...there are no knowledgable counsellors where I live, nor is there a support group...

[Shantel]

I didn't hate my body parts during puberty although I would have rather been going through female puberty instead and got the crap beat out of me for trying on my mom's clothes. What I did hate though was the way my voice cracked and the occasional pimples.

[Keaira]

I hated puberty and yet, it didnt really do much to me. I got acne and facial hair and a little bulkier. My voice didnt change much, I didnt get an adams apple, nor did I grow very tall. I also got a little bit of body hair and didnt need to shave until I was in my 20's. But, it wasnt until HRT that the acne went away.

[Shantel]

As an afterthought watching my granddaughter at 12 years old, her life as a little girl is completely over now that her shape has changed. She started early had her first period at 10 and is suddenly tall, pretty and curvaceously stacked. it's kind of unfair because she's still a kid and wants to do kid things, but now the dynamic has suddenly changed as men and older boys ogle her. It really pisses me off when they do that to her right in front of me I want to kick some ass!

[Dovahkiin]

I loathed puberty. Everything about it was wrong.

All I wanted was facial hair, and all my friends were growing it, and they were so proud of their little fluffy faces, as 13/14/15 year old guys are, refusing to shave for ages even though it looked a bit rubbish, because they were so proud they'd grown something resembling a beard, and there I was with my smooth skin and girly features.

For a while it was ok. A couple of my male friends were often mistaken for girls so it didn't matter. But then they grew up. And I got breasts. God, don't get me started on breasts... I put on weight as well, and I started to really hate my body.

And periods... Yeah they made me suicidal and they still suck massively now. Best time of my life was going on the pill over the summer for my mood swings and taking it non stop so I didn't have a period all through the holidays.

So yeah.. I hated puberty.

At the same time, though, there are still times that I can be relatively comfortable with my body. For example I've had sex, enjoy sex and will have sex again before surgery. Because somehow, sometimes, I can distance myself from the fact that my body is wrong, and enjoy the feelings. Things like this make me question myself, but then I look at the panic attacks when I can't bind, the self loathing when looking in the mirror, the painful feelings when people refer to me as 'sister', 'daughter', 'girl'...

Everyone is different and has different forms of dysphoria.

[Erin Kay Howell]

I loathed puberty. Everything about it was wrong.

All I wanted was facial hair, and all my friends were growing it, and they were so proud of their little fluffy faces, as 13/14/15 year old guys are, refusing to shave for ages even though it looked a bit rubbish, because they were so proud they'd grown something resembling a beard, and there I was with my smooth skin and girly features.

For a while it was ok. A couple of my male friends were often mistaken for girls so it didn't matter. But then they grew up. And I got breasts. God, don't get me started on breasts... I put on weight as well, and I started to really hate my body.

And periods... Yeah they made me suicidal and they still suck massively now. Best time of my life was going on the pill over the summer for my mood swings and taking it non stop so I didn't have a period all through the holidays.

So yeah.. I hated puberty.

At the same time, though, there are still times that I can be relatively comfortable with my body. For example I've had sex, enjoy sex and will have sex again before surgery. Because somehow, sometimes, I can distance myself from the fact that my body is wrong, and enjoy the feelings. Things like this make me question myself, but then I look at the panic attacks when I can't bind, the self loathing when looking in the mirror, the painful feelings when people refer to me as 'sister', 'daughter', 'girl'...

Everyone is different and has different forms of dysphoria.

I really want to hug you.

[Jason_S]

I couldn't really say that I had the " normal " puberty. The only thing that really changed is that I grew taller very quickly, I grew tonnes of body hair (I still do which is the worst thing ever!!!), and my voice got deeper and I lost my ability to sing. 

I never liked my genitals, never have, never will. I just put up with them, do the bit of relieving from time to time to get the bugger to stay small for a few hours. I never had this surge of sexual-ness that I hear other people have had. I didn't notice any emotional change, absolutely nothing. Either I haven't had puberty and my body just decided what the heck and grew a lot or I just haven't had it yet.

[BirdOnTheWire]

I don't think puberty affected me all that much, either positively or negatively.  I really can't remember much from it to be honest.  I didn't start getting facial and body hair till I was in my early 20's.  Aside from getting a little taller and the voice change thing it wasn't all that...traumatic lol.

I've had the same thoughts or concerns as you Sky-Blue, and others in this thread.  It's nice to know, and rather reassuring that just because puberty didn't scar me for life, that doesn't necessarily reflect one way or another on how I feel about my gender.

[Ltl89]

Skye, I am sorry to hear that you don't have any groups or groups around you.  I think some of us can take for granted the availability of  networks in our respective areas.  Still, I am sure there may be some places around you if you are willing to travel a little.  Even a therapist or group two hours away may be worth going visiting now and again.  But, I know that can be a huge pain and don't even know if a network is even available for you within a two hour distance.  Sorry that I can't be more helpful.
 
   

[spacial]

Hope no-one minds my interruption into this very interesting thread but just ahve to say to Keaira, you are looking amazing.

The last photo I saw of you, it was good. But you didn't smile and frankly, looked a little like a late 60s pop star.

Now, you're like, wow. That smile alone is worth a million. And your hair!

Sorry everyone. Carry on.