A few questions (MTF)

[Tikari]

I am a twenty year old male. Since I was thirteen I've wanted to become a female, cried to myself at night wishing for it to magically change. Needless to say it didn't. I'm looking into transitioning and I wanted to ask a few questions. I've never been a "manly" man at heart, but my body looks so much like one. I'm 6'1" with broad shoulders, thick arms and legs, and I even have a bit of a belly on me, my face is angular and hair grows everywhere (shaving it all off every two days is the most annoying process ever.) I've been crossdressing for a while, but it's so obvious.

If I start HRT will most of that go away? Will my shoulders kind of sloop in, and my muscle mass decrease, more padding around my face and hips? Although I do want breasts, I'm more concerned with being able to actually pass as female instead of being an obvious transgender. I feel like a woman inside, but I want to know if I do start HRT, after a few years will I still be incredibly noticeable? Or will everything start to change to where I can pass as a female?  I know I'll need laser hair removal for the hair and such, and I have no problems shaving until I can get the full rounds.

Also, while I'm not concerned with the price all too much (I really want to be a female no matter the cost), does anyone have a general idea on how much it normally costs? Like buying the hormones, getting the levels checked every two weeks to a month, laser hair removal? I don't have insurance, but I do have access to free clinics and free therapy. Just some help with answers would be appreciated.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Tikari,

If I start HRT will most of that go away? Will my shoulders kind of sloop in, and my muscle mass decrease, more padding around my face and hips?

Over time you'll lose muscle/body mass. Your shoulders won't sloop in. You may experience fat redistribution to the face, lower stomach, hips and buttocks. Body hair should thin and lighten. Facial hair may slow in growth.

I'm more concerned with being able to actually pass as female instead of being an obvious transgender. I feel like a woman inside, but I want to know if I do start HRT, after a few years will I still be incredibly noticeable? Or will everything start to change to where I can pass as a female?

"Passing" is a brain function. It has nothing to do with body image. If you develop that "feeling" of being a woman inside into knowing you're a woman inside. If you nurture, empower and mature that knowledge of being a woman; that is what will radiate from you when you engage with other people. Sure the other stuff might help, but it's NOT the B all and all of passing. Womanhood is a state and presence of mind. Not a verb.

Also, while I'm not concerned with the price all too much (I really want to be a female no matter the cost), does anyone have a general idea on how much it normally costs?

Not knowing your area and the relative costs in your country, you can safely bet on 10's of thousands. However the question I ask is; What price can you put on yourself? Are you only worth being a $10,000 woman, or a $20,000 woman? Or are you ....... Priceless?  Whatever your answer is, will determine your limitations. And what limitations does being priceless have? None.

Oh! And by the way. Be careful of the words you choose for your self talk. Words are a very empowering tool. It's impossible to "really want to be a woman."  You either are, or you aren't a woman. If you are, then nurture, grow, empower and mature your feminine persona.

Due to societies perception of you to date, that persona is in a highly emaciated state. Marinating your brain in Oestrogen will reverse that condition.

Keep up the good work and keep in touch. Let us know how you are coping with all the changes. HRT changes you inside out.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa Huggs
Catherine

[Ltl89]

Hey Tikari,

HRT is a very important step in transitioning, but it doesn't have universal effects for everyone.  Many will tell you that your mileage may vary, and they would be correct.  Because of your age, I would say you have a good chance of hrt having a good impact on you.  However, it does differ from person to person, so it is hard to tell how long things will take.  It should be stated that you will have to go through a period of appearing more androgynous because the effects are more cumulative than rapid.  However, I have seen some having incredible changes within 6 months to a year.  There are changes that happen in between as well, but don't expect to be able to pass simply because you have started hrt.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way (Believe me, we all do wish it though,lol). 

If you want to see some more information, there is plenty information on hrt and it's effects in the wiki section of the site.  There is also a sub forum on hormone therapy in the transitioning section of the forum.  I think you will be able to see how it impacted others and what you should/shouldn't expect from it. Also, you may want to look up transitioning videos on youtube so you can see the outcomes/results that some have had from hrt.  It is very inspiring! 

Having said all this, I haven't personally started hrt (soon enough it will happen), but I have done enough research to give you a general answer to your question.  Muscle mass can decrease, but your bone structure will not be altered.  I know it sucks, but there isn't anything you can do about your shoulder-bones.  While reducing the muscle mass around the shoulder may decrease it's broad appearance, hrt will not change your skeletal structure.  But, don't give up hope.  Muscle may account for a lot of the broad shoulder appearance.  Also, women have shoulder sizes that vary as well and many of them pass and are beautiful women.  Body hair will start to grow in thinner in time, but facial hair is not really effected.  So, you will need to get laser hair removal to fully get red of everything (if you are able to afford or go through with that treatment).  As for the face, you will likely see more padding and start to develop more feminine appearance as a result.  This is true with the hips as well, but remember that females hip bones are different than men's.  So, you can get more feminine hips, but you can't change the bone structure.       

The costs can vary in many different ways.  It really depends on your particular situation.  I am in the starting process myself, so I will leave it to others to give you a better assessment of the price of it all. 

[Tikari]

Thank you for replying!

@Catherine {So, over time, the more defining features of the male gender; such as muscle mass, gaunt face, and the general V shape will disappear.

I should probably be more clear with my wording. By passing, I don't mean in my own mind, to myself I already "pass" as a woman; I meant without saying a word, (if I practice my walking more), (after years of HRT of course) will others still be able to go, "Oh, look at that crossdressing man" or will they be "Look at that (cute, pretty, beautiful) woman"? Physically resembling a CIS Female with broader shoulders?

Southern Alabama, United States. As I said, I don't mind the cost, I just wanted a general idea. I am priceless, and (my bad for the previous confusion, as I haven't actually started any of the processes, not even therapy, I am a woman at heart and in my mind. I have dysphoria, but grew up around people, my family mostly, who are very intolerant so a mental block exists.) I AM a woman.

I haven't started transitioning yet, I was talking to my spouse last night about it, and she was really supportive and understanding; and as I no longer live with my family, I can be free with who I am.

Sorry for any confusion.}

@learningtolive {I am aware that it won't happen overnight, though as you said, all wish it would; I am mentally prepared to appear androgynous, though my question was really meant for after one to two years of HRT and Laser, with some possible FFS. I know it will take time for my body to reflect me, and I'm okay with that. I assume you are correct, the younger HRT is started the more likely feminine features will be more defined, as everything is ingrained and the body is still healthy and regenerating instead of deteriorating.

My question was really more for information purposes, as I've seen timelines and timelapses, but they were almost all for people who already had an androgynous or feminine body shape, so it's difficult to determine how well HRT would work. Though I do already know the general effects, I have a very masculine appearance; and was hoping for a more specific answer; which obviously is very difficult, because HRT will have different effects on everyone. Thank you for your response!}

[suzifrommd]

Not knowing your area and the relative costs in your country, you can safely bet on 10's of thousands.

This is far from a universal cost.

I was able to start hrt for WAY cheaper. My insurance company pays for it (perhaps not knowing it's trans related) and it's a couple hundred a year.

It's impossible to "really want to be a woman."  You either are, or you aren't a woman.

My experience is different here too. I experience my transgender as an intense desire to live as and be seen as a woman, but no feeling that I AM a woman. Doesn't make me any less trans or make my experience in a female role any less real, satisfying, or comfortable.

I have heard others say the same thing here at Susan's - that it isn't necessary to have certainty that you are a woman, only that a female presentation is the right one for you.

So you see, experiences vary considerably!

[Tikari]

@suzifrommd{I don't have insurance, but there are free clinics in my area where I can get my hormone levels tested I believe.

Thank you! Looking so much like a man and having all the parts, it makes it hard to say I am a woman; but the desire to be one keeps me from enjoying life very much at all. I want to be female, but I don't feel like I AM right now, probably due to social normalities, I know in my heart I am a female, that I was born into the wrong gender, but I don't feel womanly...}

[Ltl89]

Hey Tikari,

Don't worry so much about your current appearance.  Believe me, I have seen some miraculous transitions.  It does take time and effort, but there is always a way to pass and look feminine.  I know that looking into a mirror will make you feel this is impossible, but everyone has to start somewhere.  Some of the most passable women used to look very masculine.  There is hope.  So don't let the present discourage you for everything.  Things can and do improve with some effort.