Pre!

[Maribeth12]

Hi everyone I'm new here!  I have been spending at least a decade or more (most of my life) in a brutal mental battle trying to repress feminine feelings.  Its been really hard for me because I feel like I am trapped in a world where I am expected to be a man and with every passing day I wish I could accept myself and be accepted as a transgender or at least taken seriously. 

I recently expressed interest in changing my gender after finally coming to grips with the reality of my gender feelings.  I wasn't really rebuked or accepted because I have harbored these feelings since I was around 9 or 10 and I have kept these feelings internally for more than a decade. 

I have lots of fears and doubts but I feel that it would be best to just resolve my inner conflict now while I am young (and hopefully transition to a female while I am still young!)

I am posting here tonight more with symbolic intentions of just trying to get over my unforgiving male inferiority complex (puberty sucked)
I would love some advice and encouragement!  Hopefully I will be posting more as I finally embark on my quest to find inner peace and live a happier life!

Love, Maribeth 

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift" - Steve PREfontaine

[carol_w]

Welcome to Susan's, Maribeth.

Every time that I see someone as young as you on this board, I get a warm feeling.  You are smart to come to grips with your feelings at a young age while there are few commitments (think spouse, children, and other things) in your life.

I would encourage anyone in your position to seek a qualified therapist, psychologist, or other mental health professional to help sort out your feelings.  What I mean by qualified is someone who has assisted with someone sucessfully transitioning.  I've been to therapists who have the experience, and others who haven't.  Believe me, the ones who have the experience are far and away better.  You'll find several resources on the internet to help you in your search.  Otherwise, post on this board - many of us have been to therapists, counselors, and so on who aren't necessarily listed.

Take it from someone who buried their feelings for decades, you are so fortunate.  I want to wish you the best - and don't hesitate to post here with ANYTHING.  We're here to support and help.

Carol

[V M]

Hi Maribeth 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here

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Hugs

V M

[Cindy]

Hi Maribeth,

Welcome and I'll echo what Carol said. Time to find a therapist and start living. There is a wonderful life ready for you and you will be a very happy young woman.

Hugs
Cindy

[Jamie D]

From sunny southern California, a warm welcome Maribeth.

I was able to cope with my own dysphoria, and others' "expectations" for decades, until it became unbearable.  I suppose we all have our own day (or days) of reckoning.

[gennee]

Welcome to Susan's, Maribeth.

[DriftingCrow]

Welcome Maribeth, we have plenty of ladies and gents to give you support 

[Maribeth12]

 
Thanks for the Love!

I'm talking to someone that I saw last year about an unrelated endeavor.  It probably will progress slowly because I guess I blindsided him with the gender stuff!

My short term goal is to finally accept myself and do something that I have longed for many years and actually explore transition possibilities. 

Passing immediately doesn't really bother, but just knowing that I am taking action will do wonders for my self confidence!!

Love Maribeth

PS has anyone been a long distance runner or avid runner before transitioning?  I am very interested in the possible effects of Estrogen on the leg muscles!  I suspect it will cause my running ability to go into a canyon cycle where I will lose a lot of running ability then be able to rebuild after sometime.  Speed means little in terms of running but being able to be transexual and have endurance would be SWEET! 

[Cindy]

Hi Maribeth,

Not sure if this is of any use. I'm not a runner but I an a gym junkie and I normally go at least three times a week, I maintained my gym sessions as I transitioned and the people watched me as I went for boy mode to me. They have been great BTW, I generally do cardio and weights, not to bulk up but for tone and sculpture.

I noticed a fairly rapid decease in muscular strength when I went on HT, particularly in the upper body (about 30% decrease), it was very marked, to a point that I struggled to load weights onto machines. Legs didn't change anywhere near as much, my leg presses and leg squats are consistent with previous pre-HT.

Overall fitness didn't change, cardio improved when I went on spiro, it has a BP lowering effect that you need to keep and eye on.
Stamina is the same.

So really just upper body was the strength drop, I found a nice way of dealing with it though, I ask the guys for help in loading and unloading machines and they are very cute and sweet about it.

Hugs
Cindy

[V M]

Hi Maribeth 

I did a lot of running in younger days but was mostly into cycling    Unfortunately a bicycle vs car incident put an end to my ability to run, but I can still ride a bicycle - just not quite as fast and furiously as before

Basically what happens when I run/jog is my legs suddenly buckle and I do a nose dive - On a bicycle I have more control and more time to recover

I also use an elliptical exerciser to simulate running and do other exercises, I just have to have something I can hold on to that generates a fluid movement

Anyway, as mentioned HRT will most likely not have an effect on your being a runner but you probably will lose some upper body strength

Hugs

V M

[Maribeth12]

Thanks for your responses!  I am totally fine with losing some upper body strength as young long distance runner tend not to have very bulky upper bodies.  I am also very thin even though I eat like a teenage guy.  I like to say that I am 5'12''  because I am not quite six feet tall but I am roughly 128 pounds.  (Thank you habitual extreme exercise!!) 

maybe i need to prioritize gaining the freshman 15 if I start HRT this year or I might be unhealthily thin..

Hugs back!
Maribeth

PS it does feel weird expressing emotion and ending posts with hugs and love but... it also feels kinda right!!! 

[Ladysophia]

Welcome to Susan's, I'm new here also

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Maribeth,

Welcome to our little family. Over 11151. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.


Janet  )O(

[Maribeth12]

Good Night Y'all!

I'm counting done the days until the end of school and to my next Counseling appointment!

Wish me luck!

Hugs
Maribeth <3