Not sure this is the right place

[mrs t]

When I got married to my husband we woke up one morning and he had knickers on, he passed it off as a joke.  Then months later ona  drunken night he started to tell me more and it came out he wore womens clothes when he was on his own.  At first I was supportive, went shopping together, had sexy nights in, waxed his legs etc.  But more I took part, more it was just about cd and not about us or me.  I found it more and more hurtful.  Then over the years we have hardly had sex.  I enjoy sex and miss it and I miss being intimate with my hubby.

13 years of being married and our son is 4 and he has never brought it up for the last 5 years, but I yearn for being intimate.  I question hubby bot he always says that he does fancy me and I do turn him on, and will try harder.  I went away this week and when I came back I found a bag of clothes so I know he has been cd. 

Is it normal to not have sex with your wife?  I feel so hurt.  I am pretty open minded and feel I have been honest and open with him but dont feel the same has been done to me.  I dont want to get to another 10 years and then he leaves and I have just wasted my life with him.

[mrs t]

From reading so may posts about cd I also seem to think that all cd are just waiting until they have the guts to become a woman, is this the case?

[Lyric]

Anytime a partner in a marriage is as unsatisfied with the relationship as you seem to be it is a problem that should be addressed, whether crossdressing figures in or not. You and your husband should consider talking to a councilor about this. There are plenty of couple with a crossdresser involved who have great sex lives.

At the Crossdressers.com forum there are several wives who regularly answer questions about this sort of thing. You might want to check over there. Susan's is a great forum, but mostly discusses transsexual issues.

~ Lyric ~

[Cindy]

Hi,

Sexual and gender preference are pretty hard things to deal with and need a lot of understanding, there is a lot of information here for you to go through.

Remember though that talking through stuff with your partner is a very good place to start.

Hugs
Cindy

[mrs t]

Thank you.  We have talked in the past but he never says much about it.  I have read lots on here today and just dont know where to go and what to do now.  Thanks for your help.

[Devlyn]

Hi, welcome to Susan's Place! Sorry you're having a rough patch. There is a ton of information on the site, and some of the finest people around. We're all different, your earlier statement can't be applied to everyone:

From reading so may posts about cd I also seem to think that all cd are just waiting until they have the guts to become a woman, is this the case?

I am a crossdresser, I'm not going to become a woman. The guts I have to summon up usually means being in guy mode and showing off photos of myself dressed. To me it isn't courage, it's just sharing part of my life. Hope this perspective helps, feel free to ask any questions you may have. Hugs, Devlyn

[mrs t]

Thanks Devlyn and yes it does help.  I just cant get out of my head that i 10-20 years he is going to tell me he does not want me but wants to be a woman full time, but obviously thats for him to answer.  Its a shame he cannot be honest with me.

[Devlyn]

I'm not a mindreader, but I'm sure that keeping it from you was eating your husband alive. This is an awkward point, but here on the site, we acknowledge and respect each persons right to self identify. It is in our rules.We would use female pronouns if that is what your husband preferred. I only bring this up because some may be cringing at your use of male pronouns. Some probably feel it is appropriate. That choice is of course up to the two of you. Hugs, Devlyn

[mrs t]

This is an awkward point, but here on the site, we acknowledge and respect each persons right to self identify. It is in our rules.We would use female pronouns if that is what your husband preferred. I only bring this up because some may be cringing at your use of male pronouns. Some probably feel it is appropriate. That choice is of course up to the two of you. Hugs, Devlyn

I understand what you are saying, and definetly would not want to insult anyone, but obviously for me talking about my husband I would use 'he'.  He has never once said I should use anything else.

Mrs t,

I am from the other side of your situation, and it is now 20 years on for me.  My wife and I divorced after 10 years of marriage.  I shared with her my curiosity about becoming a woman when we were about 2 years into our marriage.  That's the last time it was mentioned, but it changed our marriage.  We never got to the point you got to, I only did the slightest amount of CD during the time we were married, and it was done discreetly in private.

I have toyed on again, off again with switching my gender.  I always come back to the same conclusion: no change.  As others have said, there is no standard pattern, it's on a case by case basis.

Thank you for your reply, very much apprecaited.  I am sorry it changed your marriage and hope you are happy now.