Told mother

[StellaB]

Congratulations on coming out though I'm sorry it didn't go so well. The problem here of course is that there's a difference in time between the words and reality which does nothing to alleviate any fears or preconceived notions.

However the anger suggests it could be shock and hopefully she will come round in time (time heals). But you've jumped the hurdle and I hope it works out for you.

[Kade1985]

Thanks everyone. Seriously it's been... amazing all the support given to me. I'm feeling a bit better today, the sun's shining, and I've been rocking out while filling out job applications. My friends have also been so supportive, and my Aunt and I had a good chat last night as well, and she's being supportive to me as well and saying pretty much the same thing everyone here has been.

So thanks again, seriously. If I didn't have this support structure I think I'd be wallowing in a state of depression right this moment, but because everyone's been so amazing I'm feeling better and still trucking along

[Ltl89]

I am so glad to hear today was better.  Things will improve as you continue to move along your path.  It's awesome that you have supportive friends and an accepting aunt.  It seems like you are making a great start

[spacial]

I would assume everything. If not than just I'd be a dude now instead of a girl

But with respect, you're not a girl.

I understand your point, but you are and will be the same person, with the same cares and dislikes. The same needs. From your mother's point of view, you may change your appearance, even your name and pronoun, but you are still the same child she created. With the same mutual feelings, whatever they are.

The most any parent in a free society has a right to expect is their child will seek to be honest and to earn their own living.

My elder brother grew up to be a man with a wife and 2 kids. I did not. If he lived up to expectations it was only in that he chose to and I did not. We are both honest and earn our own livings.

Any discomfort my parents felt with my life and choices were of their own making. As they are for your mother.

So, providing you're not seeking to harm others, you are the same person.

All that will change are a few labels and your own happiness.

Do you see what I mean?

[Kade1985]

This sounds pretty normal Jerred. I think the best thing you can do now is give her some time to process. Give her a little space. If you have some pamphlets or books or something (I recommend True selves and this pflag link: http://community.pflag.org/Document.Doc?id=202) perhaps leave those somewhere she'll find them, but don't pester her to read them right away.

I did as you suggested. I left a pamphlet for her in her computer room, in plain view. I know she saw it because when I went upstairs this morning for some breakfast she had moved it to the living room. Don't know if she looked through it or not, but I'll take it as... a good thing that she didn't just up and toss it.

[Larisa]

Aw dude you got courage and all. It's always tougher telling family than it is anyone else. She's in shock, a bit of confusion and denial. Proud of you! 2 people who I relate to and look up to with the girl that's a part of me. Chris crocker and a 11 year old transgender girl named jazz. They inspire me and are who gave me the courage to tell a friend to her about my girl side. She treats me right. Family again is always much more harder. Again Im proud of you dude!

[Kade1985]

Aaaand she threw away the pamphlet

[Ltl89]

I'm sorry to hear it is going so rough.  Don't let it get to you though.  You still are home and have a relationship with her.  It might take her some time to accept this, but she really didn't reject you.  You just need to show her that this isn't going away and that this is who you really are.  She will need to time to adjust, but there are many parents who have reacted the same way and shifted gears in time.

By the way, I like your new avatar

[spacial]

Aaaand she threw away the pamphlet

Do you not think that was rather predictable?

[Kade1985]

Do you not think that was rather predictable?

I guess I sort of hoped she wouldn't

[Kade1985]

By the way, I like your new avatar

lol thanks.

[spacial]

I guess I sort of hoped she wouldn't

Of course you didn't.

But if you think about it, you took the issue and made it into a pamphlet.

If you take the attitude that it's only the small things that change then eventually, she will as well.

For now, you told her. Let her stew

. It's not as if you can do anything else.

[Kade1985]

Of course you didn't.

But if you think about it, you took the issue and made it into a pamphlet.

If you take the attitude that it's only the small things that change then eventually, she will as well.

For now, you told her. Let her stew

. It's not as if you can do anything else.

True enough