This is a very very interesting topic. I am asking this question a lot these days "Am i trans enough or not?" I am only talking to myself of course!
I insisted i was a boy ever since i could talk, i would drive my mother crazy because i wanted to dress like a boy, play with toys and with other boys. I was angry with my mother every time she called me by my real name and every time she called me a "she". This was what i really felt like - a boy.
But now, i am looking back i am kind of questioning all that. I have never wanted to have a penis. Of course there were times when i thought it would be great to have one but those were only thoughts, it wasn't like i felt something was missing down there. I have never had any dysphoria about my genitals. I just don't care about them. They are there and that's it. Whatever. However, I have a HUGE chest dysphoria. I can't even walk around without thinking about this! So i know i need a top surgery, i am 100% sure about it.
But the rest... T and the bottom surgery... I don't know. I am still thinking about it. I know it will bring a LOT of huge problems related to my social status, my documents, my job, my friends, my relatives, my neighbours (yes them too!) and finally my place in this world. If i was rich i could do whatever i wanted, i would definitely start T and have the bottom surgery and just go to live to some other country and tell everyone i was born a man. But i am not rich, i can't change my documents that easy, i can't leave my country forever, i can't just start from the beginning for social and financial reasons. Plus, there is a risk for your health too.
So it's a VERY hard decision to make. Do i really want to do this or can i SURVIVE (not LIVE but barely SURVIVE!) in my body too?! I have also had a LOT of psychological and mental problems like: depression, SEVERE OCD, panic disorder (with one exceptionally awful panic attack when they took me to the hospital), social anxiety and a general anxiety too. I have also suffered from Trichotillomania (hair-pulling disorder) since i was about 11 years old. It's ok now, i only do it like once a year now and before it used to be almost everyday. I have been suicidal since i was 13 years old and sometimes i am ok with my life but most of the time i am sad, angry or absolutely indifferent to everything.
So for a person like me, it's very hard to pursue their dreams to become someone they have always wanted to be. I am always asking myself "Is all this pain really worth it? I will die sooner or later so what's the point? i am not gonna live 150 years anyway so why would i want to do something about it?". And i feel like ->-bleeped-<-. But for some strange reason i am still here........
