Carrying The Torch

[gennee]

Why Most Transitioned People Don't Carry The Transgender Torch


Where is it written that someone who has transitioned MUST help the (transgender) community?" asks reader Karyn Maynard in response to someone else on the comments board of a GLAAD post about Dawn Ennis.
Karyn makes a good point, and the fact of the matter is, most people who transition move on from trans issues. They don't actually see themselves as transgender people, even if they embraced the cause of "->-bleeped-<-" at some point in their journey. But they don't live between the gender binary as so many transgender people happily do: the transitioned MtF person IS a female, and the FtM person IS a male. The point of transitioning was to fully live life as a female (or male in the case of FtMs). Hence, many just ride off into the sunset, or go "stealth," as some like to say.
When I was going through therapy, my psychologist lamented the fact that there is very little medical/psychological follow-up on people who have fully transitioned. Of course, she understands why (see above paragraph). I know several people — friends and former readers — who have transitioned and are no longer interested in transgender issues. Even this blog, which will be 5 years old on May 16, has mostly moved on from transgender issues, though I still point to the bigger news stories about trans people. (This is a newspaper, after all.)


Transgender Torch


I stumbled upon this article today. It does make some interesting point. I would like to know what are your thoughts about this topic.









Edit: Repaired link.

[Ltl89]

The link seems to be broken.

Nonetheless, I get the gist of the topic.  I understand that sentiment.  Honestly, once I pass, I think I would be very much in stealth.  I would still be there for those in need and open when I must be, but I don't think I would share with most people.  I probably will continue to post on support forums and continue my usual lgbt political activism through petitions and lobbying politicians, but I don't know how much more active I would be than that.  It really isn't anyone's business to know about my medical history and I don't want to share it unless necessary.  I can be supportive without having to identify as trans in real life and share it with everyone.  To be honest, I long for the day where I can live just like any other woman.  I know some will disagree with me, but this is the way I feel.

[xterra]

As much we want to think that we can melt within binary society, for many of us it is just simply not possible. Transition is not perfect by any means and there are some that will always stick out and will be punished for being themselves. Society does not understand what it means to be transgendered. Society mixes up sex and sexuality. It is more acceptable for a young person to transition then somebody who is much older and this is because of the double standards that exists. Now ask yourself, how difficult it is to find a job for somebody who transitioned and why people want to hide the fact that previously they looked much different. There is stigma attached to it. Thanks to people that came before us, society begins to see us in different light.

One more thing. Number of transgender people that made at least one suicide attempt is more then 40%. There is also a group that thought about suicide but did go through it and finally there are those that killed themselves but were never even recognized as being transgendered (they did not understand who they are). Their families just lost a child and do not understand even why.

[Devlyn]

I got the link up and running for those who couldn't read it earlier.

[Cindy]

Gennee,

Thank you for that link (and Devlyn for fixing it)

It hit me in the face like a brick.

I am struggling with this at the moment and never thought I would. I feel split in half, a lot of my soul was created for helping people. But a part of me is desperate to be just me I would like to disappear and be a normal woman and get on with life.

I feel I never can.

As the TG dwarves sang:

'I owe, I owe, off to activism I go' - sorry

[aleon515]

I think I will be out, but more has to do with my own history and so forth. But you bring up another issue I hadn't thought about when I made a video about being out Friday. (I have a youtube channel.) I don't see myself as completely binary, so maybe that matters more than I was thinking.

Thanks for posting.

--Jay

[StellaB]

The article misses a key point which I think is very important - some of us have diversified in our activism and moved beyond the point where we need to carry the torch.

Yes being trans does involve a lot of stigma, discrimination, harrassment, and all the issues from others that we know all too well. But there comes a point when the level of discrimination and prejudice that you're dealing with levels out to the degree suffered by other (cisgendered) social groups and/or you learn to either accept it or find effective ways of dealing with it.

When it comes to activism you are in a much stronger position if you can show that you have overcome the struggle than if you are clearly and evidently still struggling.

The article seems to miss the point that support can be a two way street. Just because someone is trans doesn't mean that they can't reach out and be supportive of other (non-transgendered) causes.

While I'm still supportive but not as active as I once was, my activism has expanded into other areas such as working to increase diversity and inclusivity to the performing arts, working with the homeless, supporting the cause of Iranian people, women's rights, the LGBT community, and activism against the death penalty.

I've spent a few years as a volunteer at the CRISIS at Christmas night shelter for the homeless where I was the only transgendered volunteer.

Rather than expecting others to carry the torch perhaps one way of raising public awareness and gaining wider acceptance is to reach out to others and support them. I mean, it's not like the trans community is the only disadvantaged or stigmatized group of people out there, is it?

[Ltl89]

Gennee,

Thank you for that link (and Devlyn for fixing it)

It hit me in the face like a brick.

I am struggling with this at the moment and never thought I would. I feel split in half, a lot of my soul was created for helping people. But a part of me is desperate to be just me I would like to disappear and be a normal woman and get on with life.

I feel I never can.

As the TG dwarves sang:

'I owe, I owe, off to activism I go' - sorry

I believe it is possible to have the both worlds if you make some sacrifices.  I think you could continue to support the community through the forums and partake in  political activism, but maintain anonymity in your personal life.  No one has to know about your identity in real life unless it is absolutely necessary.  While living a stealthy life may seem like a betrayal to some, I think it is totally acceptable given that most of us just want to pass as our identified gender.  Also, don't feel pressured into maintaining a presence in online communities if you no longer feel comfortable exposing yourself.  You have given a lot and no one would think less of you or all your contributions.  What's important is that you do what makes you happy.

[Shantel]

The article misses a key point which I think is very important - some of us have diversified in our activism and moved beyond the point where we need to carry the torch.

Yes being trans does involve a lot of stigma, discrimination, harrassment, and all the issues from others that we know all too well. But there comes a point when the level of discrimination and prejudice that you're dealing with levels out to the degree suffered by other (cisgendered) social groups and/or you learn to either accept it or find effective ways of dealing with it.

When it comes to activism you are in a much stronger position if you can show that you have overcome the struggle than if you are clearly and evidently still struggling.

And that needn't necessarily imply that one is required to become completely congruent in either particular gender, but instead have found a certain level of inner peace on a plateau of personal transitional goals in spite of the rants of the militant types who would insist otherwise.

The article seems to miss the point that support can be a two way street. Just because someone is trans doesn't mean that they can't reach out and be supportive of other (non-transgendered) causes.

Rather than expecting others to carry the torch perhaps one way of raising public awareness and gaining wider acceptance is to reach out to others and support them. I mean, it's not like the trans community is the only disadvantaged or stigmatized group of people out there, is it?

Absolutely, these are my very sentiments and very well spoken Stella!

[Devlyn]

"And that needn't necessarily imply that one is required to become completely congruent in either particular gender, but instead have found a certain level of inner peace on a plateau of personal transitional goals in spite of the rants of the militant types who would insist otherwise."


+1 for a beautiful sentence, Auntie Shan!

[Joanna Dark]

Just to offer a different opinion, if everyone that successfully transtioned in the 1990s and 2000s decided to go stealth and never carry any torch, would transition be as easy as it is now? I have to admit I am a bit jealous of younger transitioners not because they are more pretty or passable as I am almost 100 percent sure I will be able to go stealth at some point in the next three years if I so choose, but because of the relative ease of transition now as opposed to the early 2000s. I wanted desperately wanted to transition at age 20 when I could no longer pretend that my GID would simply go away and that I could simply date women, who I was barely attracted to.

But there was no YouTube showing others who have done it, no advertisments or web sites for the clinic in my area, and only this abstract concept of what I thought then were about a handful of individuals who transitioned. Part of this is my fault as I have been visiting trans web sites since I first went on the internet. But info about actually transtioning was sparse but I still should have pursued it. What I did do is go to college. I thought then that the only way I could do it is if I had a lot of money. Which is still true to a point. And if it wasn't for some foolish personal and finincial decisions I would have transtioned years ago and would be about three years post op. This is my only regret. And I dwell on it a lot and then i start crying at my idiocy.

But if the copious amount of info that is available now was available then, I would have transtioned medically in 2003 or 2004. A lot has changed since then and it is because other forged the path ahead. I'm not bitter or anything cause I'm still young and it could be much worse and nothing could have changed and right now I could be stuck in some loveless marriage with a woman I can not pleasure who hates me and thinks I'm gay. But the reason that changed is because some trans men and women didn't go stealth, they didn't hide, they rallied for greater awareness and I am reaping the benefits and the one thing I used to pray to God everyday, day in and day out, to change is no longer some vague daydream but my reality. I thank God for this everyday as for the first time in my life I actually feel like myself and happy. (I was pseudo-transitioned in the mid-2000s but that was nowhere near enough even if I told myself then it was.)

And I owe a huge debt to the trans community for making it this easy for wimps like me. Will I go stealth? Well, I'm certainly not going to go around advertising it. And I do want to as I'm certain I will pass as I have only been on HRT for 76 days and I basically pass now. But then this other part of me says what about the younger trans girls who are now 10 years old? Shouldn't I do something, anything to make sure they don't have to suffer like I did, so they could get the experience I didn't and so they can make the choice I never had. I still think if society takes a left turn and we don't fight for our rights that will be taken away.I read a paper yesterday on trans women and prison and in Wisconsin for the longest time trans women (all 8 of em) could take HRT in jail. Then in 2006 they passed the Inmate Sex Change Prevention Act. WTF? Yeah they did. And I know a lot of people on this board prob say oh they're prisoners, well guess what? Soon going to bathroom will be a crime in some states so being trans may be a crime. Think about that. Our work is not done. Plus, if I get everything I want and I am really passable and even pretty (which I don't think is a stretch to think will happen in fact it is happening right now) the public is more likely to listen to someone who looks 100 percent cis then a trans women who does not pass. I am sorry it is that way but I do not control the public. I really haven't decided what I will do. When I started, I said I will go stealth and never tell anyone not even any boyfriend (or Husband???) lol now I think a may have an obligation to help fellow trans girls.

EDIT: Oh, I don't think any trans girl who doesn't want to be public with their status should feel any obligation if they are not strong enough or just plain don't want to. I totally understand the urge to just become another cis girl as that is basically what I want 99 percent of the time.

[Shantel]

Good thinking Joanna Dark, Secret Agent Girl! Had I known these things were possible before I turned fifty it would no doubt have impacted my own transition dramatically, but even so I like the idea of reaching out and being supportive to others who are younger and have a greater portion of their life still ahead of them. Many are here because we have the time and patience for the sake of others.

[suzifrommd]

Many are here because we have the time and patience for the sake of others.

Count me among those. I wouldn't have dreamed transition would be possible for me until I started meeting a bunch of women who were doing it.

[xterra]

For years I thought I was alone in this world. Here I am a girl that looks like a boy. Many years later, I was walking on the street and I saw 2 girls coming towards me. At some point I realized that one of them is a boy who wants to look like a girl. It was like looking at myself in the mirror. We kept staring at each other eyes for minutes and I did not even understood why. I had no concept of GID or Transgender. i wish my life was different and if messed me up so badly in my head that there is not enough tears inside me.










Edited for profanity.

[Shantel]

For years I thought I was alone in this world. Here I am a girl that looks like a boy. Many years later, I was walking on the street and I saw 2 girls coming towards me. At some point I realized that one of them is a boy who wants to look like a girl. It was like looking at myself in the mirror. We kept staring at each other eyes for minutes and I did not even understood why. I had no concept of GID or Transgender. i wish my life was different and if messed me up so badly in my head that there is not enough tears inside me.


Edited for profanity.

We are here with you xterra, you are not alone. (hugs)