I find this thread extremely interesting in how different people would have responded and how other's have responded in similar situations.
I myself am starting to think that we a group (even though I hate grouping people together) have more diversity in our thinking and actions than any other group (ughh, there's that word again) in society. And that is a very good thing.
Misato. In the fisrt part, I have been in the same situation in all diferrent spectrums and thinking what you should have said or done later. All the times it made me feel worst by not standing up for myself. The second part showed more of an assertiveness instead of aggressiveness. Bravo to you.
I think the key to situations like these are to be assertive and acknowledge that the person tresspassed on your feelings or whatever else and don't allow them to get away with it scottfree.
Agrression may breed more aggression from the other party just depending upon how arrogant they are in their feelings of being right.
I face rude, arrogant, unpleasant and just plain old idiotic people everyday with my work. This has nothing to do with being transgendered though but can be applied to any situation. These people think they can get away with anything they say because they are the customer and all I am is a driver delivering their stuff. I used to let it go and would feel horrible later on down the road in "I should have said this or that" or a number of other things.
I have also been aggressive with the same type of people, Nothing good ever came from it. Sure I felt better but they would call and complain and then I would have to explain myself, which all times I was in the right and the people I work with backed me up because I am not a rude A-hole always looking for a fight.
Now I am more assertive in that I will not let them talk to me or look upon me like I am scum of the earth or crawled out of a cesspool. Now when they complain about me being what they consider late, I enforce the idea that there are other vehicles on the road, that a truck doesn't run under sheer willpower and needs fuel, that I have rules and regs to go by that doesn't even pertain to them or their industry in general, that my license is my livelyhood and that I can't drive 90MPH because I will lose that license, that I have bodily needs and functions too. I will also ask then if they ate lunch and tell them I ain't no robot and need to eat too. I gotta pee when I gotta pee. The number one closer if all the other stuff fails to make them understand is that I will tell them that the last time I tried to walk on water, I damn near drowned and instilling the idea that I can't work miracles. I say all of this without an ounce of aggression in my tone, but looking them straight in the eyes while saying it. I can tell, they still don't like it but will back off rather quickly, but really, what can they say.
There are still other's that call in and the company will tell me about it but don't even ask my side, because when the person calling in explains what I told them, they tell the person that I am 100% correct.
I am and have never been an aggresive person, but was starting to meet aggression with aggression. Now that I use assertiveness when somone else is being aggresive toward me, it kind of knocks the wind out of their sails and they really don't know how to react. Assertion carries with it an air of confidence, even though you may not feel it. When you are calm and cool in a normal tone telling them how wrong they are, I think they think twice and it kinda' scares them that they can't get a rise out of you. All they are doing is pushing you into an argument so that they can call in and complain about you. And I feel better because I didn't allow them to make me feel bad about myself an hour down the road and stood up for myself at the same time.
I still applaud Cindy. It was an off the cuff reaction and she stood up for herself and in no way, hon, should you feel bad about it. If I was in the same situation though, I probably would have said to the lady, "Oh yeah, What makes you so special, Ma'am? I can see just as many faults with you as you can with me." And then take it from there.
Anyway, just a little I have learned about using assertion compared with aggression.
And Devlyn, you are so right, two wrongs do not make a right. But if you can assertively point out a wrong that a person is doing, you have one right and one wrong and the balance is restored. Hopefully it will let the one in the wrong see that what they did is indeed wrong and the next time it may not happen. We all need to look in the mirror sometimes and if I can suggest to someone to look at themselves and see their own faults, then they may become more humble.
