I don't quite know what to do about it...

[stephanie_craxford]

This is the second time at work that this has happened to me, and by the same person. In the first instance I was out at one of the schools checking up on how the drivers were doing, did they have any concerns, or problems that needed addressing etc... and this driver turned his back on me and completely ignored me. It was quite obvious what he was doing, and in the second instance it was more of the same. This time at the same school, same drivers, I was going from bus to bus chatting with the drivers. When I got to his bus, we exchanged hellos, and then he made an excuse to leave and talk to the driver behind him. Again it was fairly obvious. I don't quite know what to do about it as I'm pretty sure it's to do with who I am.

Other than that today went pretty good. I was taking part in a Defensive Driving Course, observing the procedures as I will be taking the Instructors Course in December. I'm looking forward to that as it will be a new experience for me. I'm a little nervous, but that understandable given that I will be interacting with a lot of complete strangers for a whole week.

I did a re-evaluation on one of the drivers in the afternoon and that went very well. The children were great. I'm starting to get very comfortable with who I am and many of the anxieties that I once had have gone.

Chat later,

Steph

[Northern Jane]

Steph,

There will always be people who turn their back on you in one way or another. It is their problem, not your's!

I have run into cases over the years where someone simply takes a dislike to me for whatever reason. If it is the workplace and is someone I have to deal with on an ongoing basis, I go out of my way to be nice to them and to be friendly. It is almost impossible for a person to keep up hostility in the long term if you always treat them nicely.

Remember, the problem isn't who you are but what you were! For some men, that is a BIG problem because they are afraid of what they might see in themselves.

Be friendly and cheerful and see if it works. If it doesn't, you will have the satisfaction of bugging the heck out of them! 

[beth]

                         I agree with Jane, being nice is the first step to try, but don't let him think it is out of weakness.               

BTW you will be doing his evaluation wont you?




beth

[Leigh]

Repeat after me:  It is not my problem, its his!

[stephanie_craxford]

Thanks everyone,

Of course you're right.  I have to try and stop being everything to everyone.  It is his problem, as I'm fine with who I am, and as you've suggested, he's probably uncomfortable with who he is.

And yes Beth, I will have to do his evaluation.  Hmm that could be interesting.

Thanks again,

Steph

[Cassandra]

One thought that crosses my mind and perhaps I am just deceiving myself, but as I look back on my life I cannot remember a time that there was not someone who did not turn there backs for no apparent reason. As such I tend not to give much credibility to those who turn there backs to me now. Perhaps it is because I am TS perhaps it is just because they don't like me no matter what, but as Leigh said, It is not my problem it is theirs

Cassie

[Thundra]

In this incident that you describe, you did not mention the age of the person involved?

Now, men in general have a problem taking orders from a woman, and some have difficulty dealing with a woman superior even if they do not have to communicate with her directly?  But, men of my generation or older, tend to have more of a problem with this situation than younger men, who have grown up with this scenario.

One need always be careful not to assume why someone is discriminating against them, until you know for sure. Make no asumptions about the why.  Paranoia will undo you.

Further, and most importantly, it is always smart to document your dealings with a potential problem person.  Record the time and day, the general situation, and any others that are present.  If the problem escalates, your written record will go further than the other person's heresay at the moment.

In general, try to remember that women always need to protect themselves in their career aspirations from people that have an axe to grind.

Good luck.

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Thundra,

That's very true.  The person in question is the same age as myself, and your points add credibility to his actions.  Assumptions can be our undoing, so I have documented both incidents, just in case.  That's a good point as well about how we have to protect ourselves against those who have an axe to grind.  I know there are a few men here who find it a little awkward having to be examined and assessed by a woman.

Chat later,

Steph

[Northern Jane]

I know there are a few men here who find it a little awkward having to be examined and assessed by a woman.

BAW HA HA HA HA!!! Sweetie, MOST men have trouble with that!    I learned some time ago that it is quite a trick for a lady designer to command a rough tough macho construction crew - they don't call me The Drangon Lady for nothing  > When asking nicely doesn't work, hobb-nail boots do 

[LostInTime]

I transitioned in place and have had coworkers close the door in my face, while my hands were full of computer equipment.  I would get mad and then I would laugh.  I mean it is such a juvenile reaction and I really have no desire to sink to their level or even deal with them.  I did mention it to my boss though, who is over top of everyone except for the director.   

[Denise01]

Steph:

It is their problem not yours.
When I was working before I retired, I periodically had people who had a bad hair day ( as we girls refer to it ) who would just ingnore you or not respond even though were were in a supervisory position, and the task we were chatting about was in their regular line of duties.
I still at times get people who for one reason or the other tend to ignore me, and carry on in their own way.  As the saying is " Pay me now, or Pay me later".
Documentation for whatever the situation is,  as I have also found is so important, in that if you are ever required to defend your self you have it in black and white, and not putting your self to recollecion several months or years later,
You are doing a fantastic job Steph, and keep up the good work

Regards:
Denise

[Hazumu]

Pardon me for posting a 'me, too!' reply, but here it is.

There's a TS woman who works in my building.  She's getting ready to retire from the job at age 62.  She transitioned in about '87, according to some friends of hers that knew her both before and after.

First, I 'made' or 'clocked' her the first time I met her upon our section moving into the new building in the summer of '04.  It wasn't hard, because in my line of work (video production,) I'm very sensitive to pitch and timbre of voices.  Later, the mis-match between index and ring finger lengths only confirmed what I already knew.

Now, knowing she was TS didn't bother me particularly, but I avoided contact with her just the same...

After I had my epiphany, I realized I hadn't been avoiding her -- I'd been avoiding myself...  Now I needed an excuse to make contact with her.

As she was getting ready to retire, her friends had gotten together and arranged a couple of fun and interesting events to mark her 30+ years of service to the organization.  I was asked to follow her around for the day and videotape her at these activities.  The raw footage has been dumped to DVD and given to her as a memento, and will be edited into a video to be shown at the farewell luncheon in her honor.

I also got the opportunity to tell her, "I'd like your support -- I'm seriously thinking of transitioning..."  <two...> <three...> <four...> "You mean like me?" she replied. ;-)

Nice story.  And I hope I get a happy ending to it (I'm selfish like that...)  But Stephanie, my point is that I think those people who are turning their backs on you are really turning their backs on something inside of them.

I think there is the potential for great danger when dealing with such people -- they may lash out at you in some way in order to defeat the 'demons' within them -- and could possibly do great physical harm to you in the process.

Be grateful they have alerted you to their presence and try to limit your contact with them.

And cherish the contact with people who value you as a person, and respect and support your choice to follow your path to the true you.

[Leigh]

I also got the opportunity to tell her, "I'd like your support -- I'm seriously thinking of transitioning..." <two...> <three...> <four...> "You mean like me?" she replied. ;-)

Did you maybe think that what you did violated her right to privacey? 

Some of us may choose to not discuss the past with people that are not on our "friends" list.

Leigh

[Peggiann]

Steph,

I agree with many that have said it is his problem not yours, yet there may be a different motive behind the actions. There may be another thing behind this all together... As you say you are the one that will be doing an evaluation about this person. This person is aware of this too, most likely. So wouldn't it be possible that this person is not quite sure he is up to par with everything and the less he opens his mouth the less you have to make any judgment in evaluation until the actual event takes place? Maybe this person feels keeping his distance is hiding his insecurities about how you might see he does his job. Not that it is the smartest strategy.

Leah says If she owned a company she would want all women foreman because of the attention to detail and the amount of more things they can find for others to do. Maybe he is afraid you'll find something he should do.

Just remember it may be the roll you have in his career that he is intimidated by and maybe not who you as a person are at all.

See everything ... over look a lot... and always begin with praise.

It might help to keep contact to a minimum for now but in the future begin your comments with praise...when you have them listening you have only one...two if your lucky, statements to get your points across... before the drift in paying attention...so make sure they count for what is most important.

Being one who worked the dispatch with truck drivers for ABF, I remember only to well the day I was hired, I was told to document all the calls and conversations between the drivers and myself in a tablet I was given during orientation. They said Start with the date you start and continue through to your last day on the job. That came from a Male manager. He said it might come in handy for your defense if ever needed.

So do keep an on going log or journal.

Keep your chin up,

Peggiann

[Hazumu]

Did you maybe think that what you did violated her right to privacy? 

Some of us may choose to not discuss the past with people that are not on our "friends" list.

Leigh

I see your point.  And perhaps my overeagerness to start building a network (which I see as a very necessary part of transitioning,) led me to be a bit indiscrete.

But I didn't give all the details in my write-up, prefering to keep it as brief as possible.  The friends of hers who aranged the farewell activities were friends of hers before her transition, and were were up-front about her TS status.  And although I had not actually spoken to her before about being TS, I knew she had had conversations with others in my workgroup about it.

I willl endeavor to be more discrete and considerate in the future.