Told somebody else/ update

[Bookworm]

Well I told another friend of mine about how confused I am about my gender and my sexuality. It went well. Her step-dad was a cross dress and might have been trans. She was understanding, and to be honest that does not surprise me at all. The reason I told her is because she has always been really understanding. She had a lot of lgbt friends growing up.

It was nice. I am a little closer to telling my mom, but only just. That is still one bridge I am not ready to cross.

I am now pee sitting down (that is new for me and I am not sure if that is normal for trans people) and I shaved my torso. I feel great this way, but I am scared somebody will notice. I have been really careful about taking my shirt off in public.

I don't know what else to say other than I am a little relieved and just want to figure things out already. Oh well that is all I have for now.

thanks for listening

[Cindy]

Hi Hon,

Thanks for keeping us up to date.

I shaved my legs etc for years before I transitioned, no one ever made a comment even when I played sport or went out in shorts.

I started sitting down to pee when I was 13, never even really thought about it too be honest. No way could I stand at a urinal

[Veronique]

It's great you are making such progress! You shouldn't be afraid of showing shaved skin, many men shave their legs. And even if some don't approve, why do they think they can control whether someone shaves or not? I have shaved my entire body for years now, those times i went swimming no-one cared, and even if they did it didn't cause me 1 sec of unease. As you start to do more and more things you'll notice people aren't really watching or paying attention. Have you read about the stories of people going fully dressed outside, and no one even looking in their direction? While it's good to be cautious, you can still do a whole lot without getting noticed.

[Jadefyre]

Yea, I agree. There are plenty of cis men out there who shave off body hair, you probably don't need to worry yourself over it. I'm sure there are people out there who might tease you about it, but I don't think it would throw any real "red flags" so to speak.

[Ltl89]

Glad to hear your friend took it well.

As for shaving your torso, who is even going to notice or care?  A lot of men shave, so it's not going to be a big deal to most people.  However, taking off your shirt in public might be a little weird

[Bookworm]

I understand that many men shave their whole bodies. I really want to. My dad is not the most understanding of people. He would most likely give me hell about it. I could be wrong, but with him it is always a crap chute. If he is sober all is well, but let him drink and it all goes to hell. He is the big reason I have not come out about all of my confusion.

I am shaving everything that can be covered up though. I will do my legs once winter comes. or at least once I am not going to be in a pool.

[Ltl89]

When you say give you hell, do you mean josh around or get severely angry?  If you mean the former, I wouldn't worry so much.  Yeah people joke and say things, but that shouldn't prevent you from taking action.  If you mean the latter, then I could understand you wanting to hide it. 

I've always been the opposite in regards to covering up and body hair..  I would always fully cover up my body to prevent people from seeing my hair.  I never wear shorts or even short sleeve shirts.  Hell, I used to wear jackets in the summer to avoid showing off my arm hair at times.  And the pool, you can bet that you would not see me without a shirt on.  Even after I shave I don't feel comfortable showing off things out of fear that people will see the stubble.  I have severe dysphoria when it comes to body hair.  So, I never really had to worry about people catching me shave because either way they wouldn't see my body hair or lack thereof.

[Jadefyre]

My own personal concern with body hair is it really sucks keeping it off without some serious investment. My chest is shaved and between stubble growing back in and razor burn it's a real pain. I love shaving (for I time I even kept my head bald, which I regret now that I want to grow out my hair and it's going to take soooo long.) but once you start it becomes a huge commitment to keep up on, and the more body surface you shave, the longer it takes.

I wish I could just laser the stuff off but that's not really an option for me financially right now. I'm considering Nair but I tried it before and didn't feel like i got results. Plus I've heard horror stories of chemical burns.

I'm not concerned about having a bare chest when i get into the pool this summer, but stubble or razor burn would be pretty embarrassing.

[Bookworm]

Well anger is what I fear. That is why I am afraid to do anything feminine that might give me away. I am still figuring out how I feel on my own gender. The reason I am so happy about my second friend is because of the fact that she will treat me like a girl and give me a chance to be girly if I want to . It is only with these two people that I feel safe enough to do so. I have always had a feminine side, but it is always bottled up. That is part of the reason I am not sure about my feelings.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I feel like I am not trans at all, but then others it is like being a girl just makes so much sense and feels so right. It is like there is nothing in the world that makes more sense for me. It just feels right.

My dad has said before that he would be fine with being gay if I was. The thing is I doubt that is true because on the same token he has made jokes like "boy if we need to take you down to the club to set you strait", or "at least you are looking at boobs". There are a lot of other things that have happened. I love my dad and I know he loves me. The thing is I am scared of his reaction. I don't want to chance anything. That and this is more than my sexuality.

The last two evenings when I have been home and I thought about being trans and really just being female I was okay with it. I am just afraid the feeling of self resentment and the feeling of just being fine with being male returning. Generally when that happens it is like "self you are a guy and you are fine with it, if you are so fine with it then no you are not female and should not worry about it"

I know that was a bit wordy, but that is kind of how it feels sometimes. I know this started off about hair here, but that is where I took it.

Oh and while I am still updating. This morning I skyped with my sis(best and oldest friend, and we see each other as siblings). We looked at stuff on the Victoria Secret website and compared what we liked. It was probably nothing major for cis women, but for me it was amazing. Everyday that passes I am figuring out how I feel and everyday I am exploring a feminine side.  I am still not sure whether or not I want to be a woman or if I just want to express that side of me or not, but hey at least I am trying to figure things out. That is all I can do.

[Ltl89]

I don't know your particular situation, but it sounds like your father wouldn't really freak out if you were to shave.  While he may tease you a little here and there, that's to be expected.  As long as he wouldn't go crazy and become violent (which from what you said that seems unlikely) I think you should feel comfortable about shaving if you really want to. 

[Bookworm]

I think you are right about shaving. It is the other stuff that I am sure he would hate and cause problems with. I am sure he would not understand. My father is one of those people who hates what he does not understand. He gets angry and that is why I don't want to tell him. I have reasons and examples, but those I would rather keep to myself. You are most likely right though about the shaving. I think I will after all. Thanks for the support .

[Jadefyre]

I live in a family where no joke is off the table. We're all a bunch of sarcastic hecklers, women and men both. We mock each other, we make offensive jokes, etc. The thing is, we all know it's all in fun. No one is being mean or taking anything seriously, no one is getting hurt. If a line does get crossed, an apology is made and it's made clear it was just a joke. It can be an intimidating environment, when my brother's wife joined the family she had some difficult acclimating at first, but now she can dish it with the best of us.

See, the soul of it is we all know we truly and deeply love each other and would never want to hurt one another. We feel safe with each other, and we can sit around, drink and laugh all night and it's a really strong bonding experience. We're all very close.

So I know, without a doubt, that if my dad found out I was shaving my chest he would tease me about it. I might get a little embarrassed, but I wouldn't be hurt.

From the outside I'm sure a lot of people would be appalled at the way we talk amongst ourselves. It's not politically correct, it's bawdy and crude, and there's a lot of crass language. Sometimes it would probably appear mean or disrespectful. I call my dad an A-hole pretty much every day, or tell him to F off, but it's always in good spirits. That may seem strange, but it's our dynamic.

My point is, I know my relationship with my dad better than anyone, and that makes me the best judge in how to deal with him. I'm guessing the same is true with you. You know your dad. Ask yourself how you think he'd really feel, and do your best not to project your fears onto him. Try to be fair. Only you can decide how best to deal with him.

In my case, I feel sure my dad could never hate me. I'm still scared about "coming out," because I'm afraid he won't understand and he might get uncomfortable and find it difficult to relate to me. That would hurt because we're so close. But I might not be giving him enough credit, and I know for sure I have nothing to really fear from him.

I hope that helps some, and good luck with wherever your path takes you.

[Bookworm]

My point is, I know my relationship with my dad better than anyone, and that makes me the best judge in how to deal with him. I'm guessing the same is true with you. You know your dad. Ask yourself how you think he'd really feel, and do your best not to project your fears onto him. Try to be fair. Only you can decide how best to deal with him.

You are right I do know him, and I do need to do a whole lot of self thinking. I think my real problem is that I don't want the legs question to lead to any other topic. Like being anything other than a hetero male. I do need to work on the projection of fears though.

[Ltl89]

You are right I do know him, and I do need to do a whole lot of self thinking. I think my real problem is that I don't want the legs question to lead to any other topic. Like being anything other than a hetero male. I do need to work on the projection of fears though.

Unless you walk around the house in a skirt after shaving, I don't think anyone will question your sexuality or gender after shaving your legs.  A lot of straight cisgender guys do it.  While you will probably face a little teasing, it's not anything major that will out you.  Still, if you need an excuse, you could mention something about swimming.  For some reason, shaving helps with swimming ability or so they say since every male swimmer shaves their body hair.  I mention this because you referenced that you go swimming in a pool before.  If that's not a good excuse for you, there is a lot of other things you could say.   

[Jadefyre]

I mean, you don't really even need an excuse. All you have to say is you don't like body hair, and leave it at that. If someone presses you on it just look at them like you would if they asked you why you don't like the taste of something. It's personal preference.

But of course it's up to you what you're comfortable with.