New to the transgender world

[futuregirl]

Hello,

I am a 32 year old man who lives in a major East Coast City. Right now, I am reflecting on my life and trying to determine:

A. To what extent, I am a transsexual, transgender, crossdresser, whatever.

B. Whether, I should or not undertake the plunge.

Besides, having mixed complex feelings about my gender identity, I am not sure how good a transition I can accomplish in my thirties transitioning somewhat later in the game.

While, I am not someone who is definitely a pure vanilla man since by definition I have been doing much thinking about my gender identity and do feel a genuine female self deep down inside, I am not a textbook traditional transsexual since I am not completely uncomfortable as a male or deny that I am at all male.

In other words, I am not one of these two extremes: Regular guy totally comfortable as a male with no desire to become a female whatsoever or someone who hates their male body and must transition or they will kill themselves.

I wonder if anyone would have any advice on questions to ask myself to determine:

A. To what extent I am transsexual?

B. Whether I would be happier as a male or a female?

Thanks

[Jamie D]

Welcome futuregirl!

First, some "housekeeping"

Please be sure to review:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

I would caution you about worrying whether you are "textbook" anything.  We are a diverse community, all falling beneatr the transgender umbrella.

Some of use are, indeed, MtF or FtM transsexuals.  Other are androgynous, or crossdressers, or neutrois, or pangendered, or non-binary.  There are dozens of terms, if labels mean anything, to help describe how we identify.

The question is not what your genotype or phenotype tell us, but how you feel about yourself, inside.  I have many times written about my "girl inside," who really is the better part of me.  Whether or not I will ever be able to get my body to conform to my identity is unknown, but I can live and present in a way that minimizes my gender dysphoria, and gives me greater peace of mind.

[Keira]

First of all, Welcome!

A. To what extent I am transsexual?

Transsexual means that you identify as the gender opposite to your sex and you wish to live and/or change your body to match said gender identity.

Transgender includes any gender variant person that identifies as a gender that doesn't match their GAAB (Gender assigned at birth). And transgender also includes other identities that blur the lines of the "normative gender binaries".  I should note that "Transsexual" falls under the transgender spectrum.

Feel free to look up "transgender" in the wiki here at Susan's or elsewhere for a more comprehensive list.

Basically you probably want to explore various gender identities. I think that only we can really pose the important questions, since we know ourselves best.

B. Whether I would be happier as a male or a female?

How do you feel (self esteem wise) about having a male body?

How about aging in a male body?

Do you enjoy social interactions as male, or would you prefer to engage in girl talk?

If you could begin life again, what would your body be like? A mix of male and female, or one of the two?

Just a few questions to get you started

From what I can tell, you may also wish to enter the forest and explore for awhile (the Androgyne section of the forum). Some of the more knowledgable non-binary members reside there, and are quite friendly and helpful.

-Skye

[Cindy]

Hi and welcome,

Well the best way to help make those decisions is to have a talk with a gender therapist. They are there to help you through your ideas and thoughts. And good ones do help, they really do.

As for transitioning so late in life

I was 58.  I can no longer pass as a guy, and I've been totally accepted by family, work, life, everyone.

You my dear are a spring chicken!

Hugs

Cindy

[Cosi555]

Hi and Welcome futuregirl

I can completely relate to every single word you typed as I am in exactly the same place in my life (tho a few years younger - im 29).

its an equally confusing place to be - sitting on the fence between both genders, and ive often had days (and nights) of my head thinking through every possible thought relating to being a guy or girl.

my only piece of advice is to echo the advice of others, and to go see a therapist/doctor about it.
yes, its a big step, and can be quite scary ( i was terrified i had to write it all down in a letter and give it to my therapist at our first session because i couldnt talk) but peace of mind and peace of body are definitely worthy outcomes

i am positive that early 30s is the best age to transition - if transitioning is right for you - (no offense to anyone else) as we still have most of our life ahead of us and we are still quite young, but we have a bit more life experience under our belts to make "change" work

for support and wisdom you have definitely come to the right place

sending lots of love and hugs for your journey

Nikki xx