Fears and Regrets on HRT

[J_Ellone]

I'm 26, haven't started my HRT yet, but I'm closing in on the date that my therapist will recommend it for me. He's working on the fears I have about my age first. I tried ignoring my worries about it, but I buried it so much that I just sit here in a shroud of depression about it.

I'm afraid that since I'm 26, I wont transition well. I'm afraid that It won't do much, and I'll be an "in-between".

I'm afraid that I'll lose my father, since he's still dealing with when I told him I was "gay" in high school.

I have to say, my main fear is the age thing. I've seen people transition as a teen, and I get envious of their courage. I could have told my parents back then. But I didn't. I told them I was gay, instead. Even though I knew the truth.

The other thing I'll worry about is..ever since I was a kid, I wanted to "grow up and be a mommy." I'm trying to show myself that I can adopt, and be a mother. Just because I cannot carry a child to term, doesn't mean I'm not a mother.

But that doesn't make the pain go away.

I'm hoping someone here will help, since..well, I don't know any transfolk around me.

[Tristan]

i can shed some light on this situation for you. 26 is def not to old to start HRT and then get FFS, BA and SRS if you want a few years later. your results i would think are still going to be good. i mean theres so much you can to in order to sculpt your body to be the way you would kind of like it to be. but its not as easy as it is for guys. guys can work out a little and get the body thing going, for girls its way more difficult normally. now the parent thing like with your father thats a tough one. he may be really upset at first but then come around. the key to that though is you have to try to spend alot of time around him and help him to adjust as smoothly as possible. if he only sees you on holidays then it doesn't work so well. he needs to know that your still you and your relationship wont change that much unless its going to change for the better. and the last thing the mommy issue. well that one cost money, you can adopt if you want to or bank your sperm and get someone to carry the baby for you. its actually all the rave now. lots of woman do that if they can afford it to save there bodies. i know im doing that option. im just saving up for it so i can do it. i hope this helps some.

[J_Ellone]

Thanks That does help a little. At any rate, it's better than quitting, and always wanting it.

I'm going to ease him into it. I won't go Full time right off, I'm going to kinda..introduce him to that little by little.

[Tristan]

Thanks That does help a little. At any rate, it's better than quitting, and always wanting it.

I'm going to ease him into it. I won't go Full time right off, I'm going to kinda..introduce him to that little by little.

thats a smart idea. my dads a macho type too and all military special forces type. it took him some time but now im a daddys girl and our relationship is great/ better than ever

[Ltl89]

Don't worry about your age.  26 is relatively young for the most part.  While there is never any guarantee whether hrt will work great, you are in a good age group to start.  I'm going to start June-July and  in your age group (just a little younger), so I know what it's like to worry about whether it will work or not.  Just do what you want and don't let fear control you.

As for your father, I can totally relate.  I never came out to my dad, but he knows I'm different. He has even jokingly refers to me as his little girl at times.  He isn't really the most open guy and is fairly mainly; however, he loves me and accepts my oddities.  I don't know the relationship you have with your father, but there is a possibility that he will accept this. Many here have had accepting family.  It just takes time for them to adjust. 

I know what you mean about wanting a child.  Remember, you can always store "the stuff" if you want to have a biological child.  Of if you are like me, you could always take faith in knowing that you will have the ability to adopt one day in the future. 

[Alainaluvsu]

Don't give up just because you're 26. You'll end up waiting longer and doing it anyways and wishing you did it at 26. Just because you're not a teenager doesn't mean you'll always get clocked. I started at 29 and I'm almost never clocked.

[Carrie Liz]

Don't give up just because you're 26. You'll end up waiting longer and doing it anyways and wishing you did it at 26.

THIS. 100%.

I didn't even bother trying to start transition back in my teens, even though I desperately wanted it, because I didn't think I could ever be female after having gone through a male puberty.

Now here I am, 27 years old, just starting HRT, and really wishing that I'd have started younger.

Don't let the age thing get you down. If you are sure that you want to be female, don't wait. 26 is still easily young enough to get excellent results. Most of the trans-girls on Youtube that I idolize were early-mid 20's transitioners, and they almost consistently look GORGEOUS after a couple of years on HRT. Hormones really do have the ability to change everything. And if you start while you're still young, your results will be that much better, and you'll have that much more of your life as your true self.

Here's one of my favorite Youtube videos on the subject. Paige puts it really well. (the relevant part really starts at about 2:45...) And just so you know, Paige didn't start transition until she was 32, and she was only at 8 months of HRT when she made this video.

[JenAtLast]

I started HRT at 49.  I had the chance to make a move in this direction when I was 30, but let defeatism, doubt and frustration cloud my mind.  What I wouldn't give to go back and bop myself on the head and say "think, McFly, THINK!".

No regrets on HRT.  Decades late, but no regrets that I started.

[dentifrice]

I'm thinking about being a girl since I'm young, and thinking about hrt since I'm 17-18.
But I never feel ready, I'm not sure I want to be full time or something... I'm just delaying the choice for 7years --'

But I think it's never too late. And it's better to take time to make your mind.
If you finally choose to change you'll probably regret not having start 10 years earlier. But if you finally choose not to change you'll be ok.

I'm still wondering what I really need. Balancing my disphoria with the social and medical issues linked to the transition... And every time I blow out 1 more candle I feel like I'm loosing time.
In order to feel better I use to think : Not choosing it's a kind of choice.
So, if I'm still wondering what I want it's that I'm not ready.

When you realize you're sure, the time spent look like wasted. But it wasn't.

[Joanna Dark]

I'm thinking about being a girl since I'm young, and thinking about hrt since I'm 17-18.
But I never feel ready, I'm not sure I want to be full time or something... I'm just delaying the choice for 7years --'

But I think it's never too late. And it's better to take time to make your mind.
If you finally choose to change you'll probably regret not having start 10 years earlier. But if you finally choose not to change you'll be ok.

I'm still wondering what I really need. Balancing my disphoria with the social and medical issues linked to the transition... And every time I blow out 1 more candle I feel like I'm loosing time.
In order to feel better I use to think : Not choosing it's a kind of choice.
So, if I'm still wondering what I want it's that I'm not ready.

When you realize you're sure, the time spent look like wasted. But it wasn't.

Spot on! I don't think time spent not transitioning is time wasted and I have been trying to (thinking about) transitioning since I was 10. Well really 6 but I obviously knew nothing about anything at that age. By 10 I knew for a fact. I actually convinced myself I was intersexed. And maybe I am. But it wouldn't change my medical needs even slightly so I don't have the money to find out if I have some aromotase disorder or am XX male or something.

OTOH, yes, I do wish I transitioned earlier but only like five years earlier. So being five years late is leagues better then ya know if I waited another 15 years or something. It seems like a lot of people get these creeping doubts though and I am worried that I am not worried lol and I am just so certain about the whole thing and I guess it is weird for me to be so happy about how I look and feel.