Anyone else hate the FTM label?

[AdamFinally]

I feel like I can't relate to the FTM label because I never really identified as female. I understand that conceptually I am a female and I will be transitioning medically to a more masculine body and mind, but realistically I just don't feel like a girl. I first thought that I might be transgender because I had trouble filling out those forms that ask you to check a box for your sex. Now, I know that I am transgender because I find the term FTM to be too feminine for me. Am I alone in this?

[Jack_M]

I dunno if it's the med school student in me because I have no issue with it, and actually kinda like it.  I was born anatomically female and I embrace and accept that.  I like the label because to me it show that I truly understand myself and embrace my position.  Yes, I was born female, and that issue can't be changed.  But in order to transition I think it's important for myself at least to acknowledge that it's a change physically to what's right in my head.  I personally think that if I was to hate the label it makes the transition less of an achievement because it doesn't acknowledge the change.  I like to think it of terms of the way I describe it to people I'm coming out to now.  Mentally there's no change.  I am still who I am and will continue to be who I am because my brain was wired to be masculine.  The only real changes are physically in terms of my body where my body will go from female to male.

For me I separate the terms 'female' and 'male' from the terms 'feminine' and 'masculine'.  I've always been masculine in a female body, and that's the root of my problem; I'm in a female body.  But now I want to change that (female to male) so I can become masculine in a male body.

[Contravene]

I don't like being identified as FTM simply because when I transition I want go stealth so I don't want it being public knowledge that I used to physically be female.

Other than that though, I don't mind the term even though I've never really identified as female either. I see "FTM" as meaning that someone has changed (or is planning to change) their body from female to male to match their mind, it's not the mind that's actually changing.

[AdamFinally]

You're very articulate and respectful in your post, thank you. I just don't feel that way, though. I feel like I'm a guy with girl genitals, not that I'm a female transitioning to a male. It's a subtle distinction, but one that makes complete sense to me. This has all been a journey for me, though, so I might find my perspective changing anytime soon. Right now, I feel like I've never been enough of a female to become a male. At the same time, I do understand what you're saying about the difference between sex and gender. I am aware that I was born with female genitals, I just have never identified as female.

[Jamie D]

There is a similar topic on the MtF talk board.  If you view the term(s) in the sense of changing the body's morphology, it is reasonable.

[Jack_M]

I guess for me I just see it as anatomically something I can't deny, but I can part change.  Like no matter what, if I die and someone like Bones finds my skeleton, I'd be identified as female.  Lol.  But again, ex med student here .

It's just back to what I personally feel and that's different for everyone.  I just think of the term female and male as physical and anatomical and I can't consider myself male right now, so I identify personally with the FTM description because that's my goal.  However, no one can deny that I'm definitely masculine and that part isn't changing, just the physical.   

[Simon]

I don't care about labels. The only ones that mean anything are the ones I assign to myself. Nobody else can tell me who/what I am. That being said, I've never identified as a female (or a lesbian for that matter) either but I understand the fact that I was FAAB obviously. Outside of the internet I don't label myself ftm. I'm a male, period.

Now I am flexible in certain situations (like with the DMV or the fafsa) right now because of the circumstances I am in. Once the rest of my surgeries are completed and I can get everything including my birth certificate legal I'll never admit to being FAAB again.

[AdamFinally]

So, maybe part of the story is that I've never really identified much with my physical body at all. I'm less concerned about physical changes in transition than I am about psychological changes, for example. (Although, I would like a nice beard.) Perhaps there's some mental orientation that influences how we perceive ourselves or identify. Jack, I am not anywhere near the medical world so I appreciate your story, thank you for sharing.

[Jack_M]

I don't care about labels. The only ones that mean anything are the ones I assign to myself. Nobody else can tell me who/what I am. That being said, I've never identified as a female (or a lesbian for that matter) either but I understand the fact that I was FAAB obviously. Outside of the internet I don't label myself ftm. I'm a male, period.

Now I am flexible in certain situations (like with the DMV or the fafsa) right now because of the circumstances I am in. Once the rest of my surgeries are completed and I can get everything including my birth certificate legal I'll never admit to being FAAB again.

Oh I can relate to that.  I'm FTM right now but once I've transitioned and had the surgery and all the M designations, I'm just going to consider myself male and FTM was like a thing of the past if that makes sense.  Like I went through FTM transition, but now I'm male.  I like the term FTM for the transitioning phase.  I think once you've transitioned it's like you belong somewhat in that label but more as someone who has gone through the FTM process to come out the other end as strictly Male.

End of the day it's like you said.  We don't have to fit in, or agree with/like specific labels but it's part of the process.  I'm not a major fan of 'Gender Identity Disorder' myself.  It doesn't really sit right with me.  I know my gender identity so I don't consider that the disorder, it's my body that's wrong, not how I identify, if you catch my drift.  But I accept it just to kinda move on in the process.  We're all different with what we accept or like .

[Simon]

Oh I can relate to that.  I'm FTM right now but once I've transitioned and had the surgery and all the M designations, I'm just going to consider myself male and FTM was like a thing of the past if that makes sense.

Yeah, I understand that. I'm already at the point where I pass 99% of the time. Going to a gay bar with my gf Wednesday to see one of her friends perform in a drag show...I'll see how that goes. If you can pass 100% in a Queer space then there is no doubt you've made it in that sense.

I only ID as a transguy on Transgender forums or sites. Anywhere else or outside of the internet I just ID myself as just male and always have. I do think I'll never leave trans spaces online or not want to have trans friends. It's always going to be a part of me. It's not something I am ashamed of or run from. I just don't feel the need to wave the flag everywhere I go.

[Jack_M]

Yeah, I understand that. I'm already at the point where I pass 99% of the time. Going to a gay bar with my gf Wednesday to see one of her friends perform in a drag show...I'll see how that goes. If you can pass 100% in a Queer space then there is no doubt you've made it in that sense.

I only ID as a transguy on Transgender forums or sites. Anywhere else or outside of the internet I just ID myself as just male and always have. I do think I'll never leave trans spaces online or not want to have trans friends. It's always going to be a part of me. It's not something I am ashamed of or run from. I just don't feel the need to wave the flag everywhere I go.

Yeah, I don't wave the transgender flag myself.  I won't be able to be entirely stealth right now because I have IMDb credits that will say (credited as [female name]) so one IMDb search at work and jig is up.  However, I'm looking to go back into engineering (I quit because I couldn't take the idea of dressing in pant suits as a female - yes, that disturbed me enough to quit) and at that point no one need know.

[VenomGaia]

I agree with Simon here.
I personally go by "male," although I know I don't pass IRL.
I won't shove the fact that I was once physically female in someone's face, I'm all about stealth. Of course, there's always the fact that you have family and friends who will know about my past, and I can't change the fact that they will refer to me as an FTM transsexual than an actual male. While it's frustrating, I can live with that. Also, I don't mind having transgendered friends, especially "flamboyant" ones. I would just like it if they don't include me in their antics ;P

[FTMDiaries]

Ironically enough, considering my username here, I hate it too. In fact, this was something I mentioned to my Gender Therapist last month: I told her I don't like the label 'female-to-male' because that implies that I was once female... and I've never identified as female.

Rather, I spent far too many years trying to figure out how to be something I'm not by copying the girls and women around me, before throwing in the towel and finding the courage to align my physical appearance with my innate gender so that I can preserve my own sanity.

I'm looking forward to getting rid of as much 'female' stuff as possible, because it was forced upon me without my consent.

[Liminal Stranger]

I get how you feel, some days it irks me a bit and others I'm fine with it. Like others have said, I believe I'm only FTM while in transition; on my rational days, I look at it as a roadmap. Me as I started, I was known as female presenting clearly female until middle school. The T part is the means to get to my goal, that ever so elusive M. Whether we figured out at 3 or 43 or 83, each of us has a journey to embark on from how we were known (F) to how we want to be known (M). The details within the middle road or the destination are unique to each of us.

[WorkerBeast]

I do and I do not have an issue with the stamp of FTM. Frankly, I was never really given a chance to be anything other than what I was told I was or what people perceive me to be until recently. Then I realized that the FTM stamp is for those who lack the creativity or the empathy to understand what it is like to be here. I know that I am a man.

[aleon515]

I more identify with being FTM than male as I think I feel a bit more non-binary. I am pretty out as far as being transgender and don't intend on ever going stealth.

--Jay

[Natkat]

I actually feel it opposite in a way, that many ftm seams very maculine. some of the FTM only groups I seen are very focused on how long one been on testrostorone, the training the mucles bla bla bla man talk youknow. and then I come and are like.. "wow I should totally do drag and paint my nails"

its the only issue I got with the ftm label. or also people thinking that I might be more of a girl who look like a guy, than a guy who kinda looked abit femenine.

[Nygeel]

I like calling myself a "Trans man" as opposed to "FTM"

Here's my reasons:

FTM to me is female to male, as in I was once female in the past and will be male in the future. I have a problem with this because it's saying "you're not one or the other" when I am very much one of those. It also says "this is where I'm coming from" which I don't really like. I'd like to be seen as I am now, and who I identify as now. It also emphasizes the idea of always being in transition, which I feel kind of complete in many ways. It also means that there's a point A and point B, sort of seems like a clear cut point A and clear cut point B. Possibly with an emphasis on gonads/genitals and surgery instead of how you feel.

Trans man to me is simple and explains everything easily. There's a space between "trans" and "man" since I use "trans" as an adjective to describe the type of man I am. It doesn't mention anything about who I might've been, or am going to be. I feel that transman/trans-man would also be a word used to mean a different kind of gender, maybe somebody who identifies their gender as primarily as trans and secondarily as a man.

[sneakersjay]

I dislike all labels.  I'm male. Period.  That's what I want people to see, that's how I identify and have identified my whole life.  I want to forget I was forced to live as F for the vast majority of my life.  I was a fraud, I was not happy, even though some good came out of it (my kids).  I do have a good family for the most part but they, like me, were also clueless.

So yeah.  It also turns out I'm likely (or was) intersex.  not that it has any bearing on my trans-ness (at least I don't think it does, but who knows).


Jay

[Arch]

It also turns out I'm likely (or was) intersex.  not that it has any bearing on my trans-ness (at least I don't think it does, but who knows).

I've been thinking about this. Doesn't it seem possible that if your intersex condition was caused by, say, too much T in the womb, your transness could have sprung from the same cause? After all, the fetal brain is very sensitive to hormones in the womb, or so I've read.

I don't like the FTM label myself, and I haven't for a long time--although I do use it. Calling myself female in any capacity--past, present, or future--just doesn't seem to fit me. But the term is clearly better than "female transsexual."

I just prefer male. If I have to admit to my unusual origins, I prefer the term "trans," without anything added on.