FTM Stealth Shaming?

[Liminal Stranger]

To each their own, really. Some guys are out and proud of it, which is wonderful for them so long as it keeps them happy. Others want to disassociate themselves as much as possible with the F, which is also wonderful for them so long as it keeps them happy. It's sad that people are criticized for their decision either way, because really it's no one's right to decide but their own. There are pros and cons to each- for example, being out and a successful person gives younger guys an answer that it's not a death sentence to be trans, and can allow for increased influence and support in the public eye. On the other hand, having people see you as just cis allows for a normal life without your female-bodied past following you, which is also really nice.

As much as I'd love to advocate for our rights as a transguy, the desire to be free of my past living under the guise of a girl once and for all is too overwhelming. I'm stealth to a fair amount of people in my school (big school, makes it possible to do that) and it's lovely not to be bothered with any sort of pronoun slipups or usage of my birthname or half-exclusion from participating in a conversation because it's a bunch of teenage guys discussing very male-specific things. The full inclusion and assumption of maleness without poking around for information on my "real" name or "real" sex is what makes me happy, for someone else the opposite could be true if they don't have such crippling dysphoria or have grown comfortable with what they have.

Two shiny coppers in the bucket for you guys.

[Chamillion]

I dont feel the need to be thanked for or recognized for receiving treatment for a medical condition. Also, I disagree with your assumption that people "have to be stealth" because they worry they wouldnt be accepted as men. I could personally not give less a fak about whether some one thinks I am a man. I fail to see how that assumption is any more valid or logical than assuming someone is jelous that they cant be stealth.

What if when I was constipated I could be open about it? What if I didnt have to keep my bowel movements secret because everyone saw constipated people as regular people? I think that would be a better world.

I just think its private. Yes, the people that are "out and trans" are making the world better for themselves, and for other out and trans people who want to talk about it. And honestly, good for them. That's great. They can work on encouraging non gender conformist to have an easier life. And I even agree that people should have free gender expression. But I find the belittling and insults come from both sides. Out people sometimes see themselves as gender heros, and then look down on those who choose to not share there genitals with the world.

I can also see that it works the other way. Stealth people can be just as unkind to out people.

anyway, i think the bottom line is that everyone should do whats best for themselves. I come on here and a few other boards in order to help other bros. I have nothing to say about my medical experience to the rest of the world. I am here to help and offer advice to my brothers. I have Lots of desire to dialogue with those who are going through the same thing I went through. I dont feel like you have to be 'out' to 'make the world a better place'

I'm not saying that people deserve to be thanked for fixing a medical condition. I'm saying that those who out themselves with the intent of educating other people, even though it's not an easy thing to do, deserve to be thanked. I have huge respect for activism of all kinds. And no, you don't have to be out to make the world a better place. I don't know why you would think I'm saying that.
I didn't make the assumption that everyone who's stealth is doing it because of people's misconceptions; I stated that is why I personally am stealth. However, it applies to many. Anyone who is stealth because it's an easier way of life is stealth for this reason. It's easier because you avoid the negativity.
Your constipation remark is irrelevant. People DO have weird ideas about us and when they realize that the regular guy they know is a trans guy, their ideas change. This is how homosexuality has become much more accepted; most people know an openly gay person now and realize they're just people. Telling someone that you're constipated would not have this effect as most people experience it at some point and don't have misconceptions about people going through it. You mocking me was pretty rude but if you made a good point I would have been fine with it.
I agree everyone needs to do what is best for themselves. That is what I stated in my post. I was not attacking stealth people, in fact, I am mostly stealth as I said. I was simply expressing disapproval for some of the negative comments I had seen. If I had seen it coming from the other side, I would also disapprove.

Even if people didn't have misconceptions I'm pretty certain I would still just identify as male. To me, I am doing this to live my life comfortably as a man. I wouldn't want to identify myself as a transguy in society regardless of how it was perceived. Right now if I wanted to be open with people I would, no matter what their reactions would be. I would be doing it for myself...as I have done all of this just for me.

It's not that I'd identify myself as a trans guy specifically. Describing myself as a trans guy is similar to describing myself as an American guy, to me. I am neither proud nor ashamed of either one. They are adjectives that describe me and don't make me better or worse than other guys. So it's not that it's a big part of my identity, but on occasion things get brought up and it would be nice to not have to make up certain aspects of my childhood with random work acquaintances, you know?

[wheat thins are delicious]

But what if people didn't have these misconceptions? What if we didn't have to be stealth because everyone accepted trans men as men? I think that would be a better world.

I don't see that ever happening.  And even if it did, I would still be stealth.  I don't want people knowing my history because while they may view me 100% as male, there is going to be that part of them that is most likely going to be thinking and wondering about my life before transition, what my genitals may or may not look like, how I may or may not have sex, etc. 

[aleon515]

>But what if people didn't have these misconceptions? What if we didn't have to be stealth because everyone accepted trans men as men? I think that would be a better world.

Couldn't find just this statement, so I'll quote it the old fashioned way. Yes, I used to think this was the case, but i now feel that some guys feel very different on way they are trans and it is sometimes what might separate "out and prouds" from "stealths".  I tend to think that I am just different in a way that trans is a varient of the human and in some ways the living world. While I think the term "constipation" might be a bit flippant, I think the feeling that it is a "birth defect" is not. I don't feel this way-- now see that this difference is very real though and that it makes up a lot of the feelings of how we are alike and different in the trans community.
I know some guys who feel they have a birth defect eventually become out and some who feel it is a variable of the living world, for a lack of a better way to put this, become stealth. But pretty sure it explains things in a certain way. Also I think if we reach understanding like this maybe there aren't so many issues. I feel that there can be antagonism for those who are open too.

Hope this is clearer than mud.


--Jay

[mangoslayer]

I don't see that ever happening.  And even if it did, I would still be stealth.  I don't want people knowing my history because while they may view me 100% as male, there is going to be that part of them that is most likely going to be thinking and wondering about my life before transition, what my genitals may or may not look like, how I may or may not have sex, etc.

This is exactly how I feel.

[Natkat]

>But what if people didn't have these misconceptions? What if we didn't have to be stealth because everyone accepted trans men as men? I think that would be a better world.

it would diffently be a better world
while some people say it won't happent I somehow disagree. No it might not happent right now, and people might not be 100% accepting like people still have prejugding of gay, women, and black people (just making some exemples)

however, looking at diffrent countrys around and looking at the past it moving forward, its still taboo to be bisexual or gay, yet I have no problem where I live to tell people that im bi, If it would be as easy for me to tell them I was trans I would be happy.
For simple 50 years ago, this where very diffrent. I think we tend to forget those facts.
-------
I agree pretty much with Chamillion first of all, Im not out to be special, it can actually be kinda annoying if people are too facinating of being trans. yeah first time it might be funny but after 5-9-15 times of people going like "OMG when did you find out?" it started getting abit tiredsome..

also I dont force people out because i'm jelous of them being stealth.
I do not want to be 100% stealth so im not jelous of someone being something I dont want to be.

Even when I live in a country where I cant be 100% stealth when im not sterilized, I dont see myself being 100% stealth if I got the option to move away. its my own choice and for most part I also see it as many stealth people do so as a choice even when many also sadly are forced to be stealth due to ignorance in the world.

If people want to be stealth, and I see theres a good reason for it and they just threat people nice then its not a problem. I only have problems when people who is stealth are making behaviours or say comments who put down people who is out, or somehow make it less worthy.
I do prefern if people to be out cause it makes me more equal with the person somehow, I dont need to keep you a secret and you dont need to keep it for me, and you dont need to worry what you say and to who as much. But I do have friends which I said more or less its fine for them to be stealth or not come out Because of the situation they where put in, It all depends on the person and there situations there put in. Sure if someone choice to be open and do activism its cool, but it can be risky and hard, so it all depends on the person whatever or not its a good idea. I do activism and want to be open both because I prefern to be honest, but also because I care about people and its more easy doing activism and make changes who would infect me or my friends if your open.

So making it short, it dosent nessesarry makes me more happy being out but I do feel more honest, also I feel it to be somehow nessesarry part of me to be open for educate and change things who in the end could make me and my friends life better.

[Chamillion]

>But what if people didn't have these misconceptions? What if we didn't have to be stealth because everyone accepted trans men as men? I think that would be a better world.

Couldn't find just this statement, so I'll quote it the old fashioned way. Yes, I used to think this was the case, but i now feel that some guys feel very different on way they are trans and it is sometimes what might separate "out and prouds" from "stealths".  I tend to think that I am just different in a way that trans is a varient of the human and in some ways the living world. While I think the term "constipation" might be a bit flippant, I think the feeling that it is a "birth defect" is not. I don't feel this way-- now see that this difference is very real though and that it makes up a lot of the feelings of how we are alike and different in the trans community.
I know some guys who feel they have a birth defect eventually become out and some who feel it is a variable of the living world, for a lack of a better way to put this, become stealth. But pretty sure it explains things in a certain way. Also I think if we reach understanding like this maybe there aren't so many issues. I feel that there can be antagonism for those who are open too.

Hope this is clearer than mud.


--Jay

Yeah this is helpful to me. Yet I'm someone who feels it's a birth defect, because if I hadn't been able to transition I would've been deeply unhappy my entire life. That's a defect to me. So maybe I'd put the line of separation somewhere else. But you're right, there are some who feel the need to reject their history at all costs while some just don't feel like it's something that needs to be hidden and ashamed of.

Natkat, you make a good point. The world is moving forward in terms of discrimination of many kinds. 50 years ago, it was totally unacceptable to be gay. Maybe 50 years from now, people will look back at how trans people were treated and realize it was wrong. It's not totally naive to imagine a better world, it can happen.

[aleon515]

it would diffently be a better world

I didn't actually say this-- just quoting someone else who did. But I agree it *would* be a better world. Doubt it would end going stealth because there are other reasons besides lack of acceptance.

Another thing I didn't talk about, I always considered myself to be androgynous with maybe a strong male streak, but some people have considered themselves to be male. I think we also might represent some difference in how we are trans in the world.

--Jay

[Dark.Knight]

Of course it could be a better world when I'm old as hell or dead. Naw hopefully by the time I'm 40 or so. It can happen and it will. The world changes and there wont be 100% acceptance, but change occurs over time. Blacks being equals, interracial couples, homosexuality, women in pants, women in power, etc. Proof the world changes. I don't think an accepting world would change my decision to be stealth. Why would it matter then or now.

[spacerace]

People willing to fight the war shouldn't hate on those that want to stay at home, but people at home should be glad the war is being fought and won - basically my opinion on this in analogy form.

[Twin Hammer Tommy]

well I think part of it is there is a divide (though not a clear one because people's identities are not always perfectly boxed and rigidly definable) between those of us trans guys who are basically gender/hetero normative guys, except we're trans and those of us who's behaviors and identities don't follow along with expected societal norms (be they femme or genderqueer or what have you).  And I think the latter group is more likely to view going stealth as a problem, because it allows someone to blend into the norms.   I imagine many of them feel stealth men assume cis-privilege to some degree (the same way that people argue that bisexuals assume straight privilege in heterosexual relationships).  Which is not entirely untrue, but that privilege is awfully precarious as anyone who's had it and then been outed can probably tell you.

That said, as much as I applaud people who are out and visible, and I sure wish there was a lot more of them, shaming someone for being stealth is a total dick move.

I told guys i was completely stealth and that I thought that sometimes people running around screaming about being "transgender" can be a detriment to trannsexuals.

Frankly, this is a really problematic thing to say.   And since I posted about this not that long ago, I feel like a broken record but it bears repeating.   Trans people are not to blame for cis-people's transphobia no matter how they choose to live their lives.   Everyone is responsible for their own transphobia, and if the cis population is made uncomfortable by the out and proud, then that is their problem, and their problem alone.   Please stop blaming gender-variant people for transphobia.

[chuck]

People willing to fight the war shouldn't hate on those that want to stay at home, but people at home should be glad the war is being fought and won - basically my opinion on this in analogy form.

I really dislike this analogy. In the end It doesnt really matter becuse they identify as trans-something and I identify as male. The attitude that openly trans people are somehow these brave soldiers of gender noncomformity is obnoxious to me. Be out and proud but dont act like youre doing me any favors by calling everyone's attention to your gender issues and showing off scars so that everyone who see's mine can make an idiotic comparison between my private medical condition and your political agenda. And i really do mean it. It is fine if someone wants to be openly trans. I do respect that choice and I get it that openly trans people are making the world better for themselves and other openly trans people. But no, you are not making it better for me.   

By the way i mean 'you' collective, not 'you' personally.

[chuck]

well I think part of it is there is a divide (though not a clear one because people's identities are not always perfectly boxed and rigidly definable) between those of us trans guys who are basically gender/hetero normative guys, except we're trans and those of us who's behaviors and identities don't follow along with expected societal norms (be they femme or genderqueer or what have you).  And I think the latter group is more likely to view going stealth as a problem, because it allows someone to blend into the norms.   I imagine many of them feel stealth men assume cis-privilege to some degree (the same way that people argue that bisexuals assume straight privilege in heterosexual relationships).  Which is not entirely untrue, but that privilege is awfully precarious as anyone who's had it and then been outed can probably tell you.

That said, as much as I applaud people who are out and visible, and I sure wish there was a lot more of them, shaming someone for being stealth is a total dick move.

Frankly, this is a really problematic thing to say.   And since I posted about this not that long ago, I feel like a broken record but it bears repeating.   Trans people are not to blame for cis-people's transphobia no matter how they choose to live their lives.   Everyone is responsible for their own transphobia, and if the cis population is made uncomfortable by the out and proud, then that is their problem, and their problem alone.   Please stop blaming gender-variant people for transphobia.

your statement is also problematic there hombre.

1. i never blamed anyone  anything
2. I never lumped all gender variant people into one group
3. I also never even said anything about transaphobia

Are people marching in gay pride parades wearing a pink thong and a ball gag problematic to gay guys who just want to be seen as 'normal'? probably. Are they to blame for homophobia. Nah. But that conservatice gay dude has all the right in the world say that the thong and ball gag guy is problematic for him.

[aleon515]

your statement is also problematic there hombre.

1. i never blamed anyone  anything
2. I never lumped all gender variant people into one group
3. I also never even said anything about transaphobia

Are people marching in gay pride parades wearing a pink thong and a ball gag problematic to gay guys who just want to be seen as 'normal'? probably. Are they to blame for homophobia. Nah. But that conservatice gay dude has all the right in the world say that the thong and ball gag guy is problematic for him.

Good points Chuck. While there may be differences among us in certain ways in only goes so far. It might be helpful in explanations to ourselves, but it only goes so far. We are brothers in all this. We might always see eye to eye but it's still true. Btw, I went to pride yesterday just had a good time being there and didn't wear any thongs or ball gags.

--Jay

[Arch]

One of my main issues with SOME of the "out and proud" trans people is that SOME of them do not respect my stealthness. Perhaps these folks are so used to being openly trans that they completely forget that it is NOT okay to walk up to other trans people in public and start talking to them in a way that outs them. Or perhaps some of them really don't care. I have a problem with either scenario. We must respect each other's boundaries and choices, and we must protect each other as much as we are able. If it means being more conservative in public than we normally would be in other situations, sobeit. But I've run into a few too many difficult situations in which a trans guy either didn't make the transition between trans meetings and socializing out in the world, or he assumed that all the others were out like him. We are not.

For example, in my opinion, it is NOT acceptable to ask a stealth trans person in a crowded coffee house, "Hey, dude, are you going to the gender variant meeting tonight?" In fact, I would never ask ANY trans person a question like this in public because you never know what their situation might be from one minute to the next. Maybe they are out at the LGBT center or school but not in their own neighborhood. Maybe the store you're browsing in is one of those places where the usually open trans person likes to be stealth and just be a "regular person." Maybe the person is only "out" to a certain degree. And so forth.

Case in point: Another trans guy, pre-everything, ran into me while I was out socializing with my gay men's group. Suffice it to say that I am stealth everywhere in my own home town, but especially in that particular group. When talking to the other guy (whom my friends apparently saw as a lesbian), I was very careful to use guarded language such as "the community" instead of "the trans community" and that sort of thing. I was afraid that he would say something inopportune, but he didn't. So I thought that he was being careful, too. We bumped into each other on two separate occasions like this. Later, in an e-mail, I mentioned something about his not outing me--maybe I thanked him for being careful; I really don't remember. When he e-mailed me back, he said that his discretion had been a complete accident and that it had never occurred to him that I might not want to be outed. Naturally, I was furious at such obliviousness.

I've experienced too many uncomfortable and possibly dangerous situations in which these sorts of things happened (and have been outed to strangers on a number of occasions), and it's one reason I don't hang out in the trans community anymore. Some of these people cannot be trusted to practice a little discretion, and I'm not willing to put up with that. If I thought I could trust them, maybe I would be more involved in the community, but (honestly) probably not. At any rate, I cannot trust all of them to be discreet. So they do their thing, and I do mine.

[spacerace]

And i really do mean it. It is fine if someone wants to be openly trans. I do respect that choice and I get it that openly trans people are making the world better for themselves and other openly trans people. But no, you are not making it better for me.   

So...if it makes the world better for other trans people, you still don't want it because you're done with transition and successfully stealth?  I'm not judging you or criticizing you for this opinion at all - to each their own for real. I just want to make sure I am understanding you correctly.

Trans activism does so much for every trans person, and personally, I'd rather see the whole ordeal of transition improved for every trans person in the present and the future.  Personally, the benefits of trans activism far outweigh things like the chance someone, somehow, somewhere may notice scars that mean a person might maybe be a transsexual randomly.

These benefits are enormous and I just don't see how the drawbacks outweigh any of them.
Things like:

-Expanded social awareness which can reduce the visceral reactions from people upon learning someone is trans.  Even for people that are stealth they generally have to tell family and previous friends - just knowing more about trans people going into it could make it so much better for others to deal with.

-Helping people realize they have options and things can 'get better'.  Out trans people on the Internet have been instrumental in helping trans people of all ages learn about surgery, etc.  You can say, "stealth trans people can provide information too"  Which yes, definitely, obviously.  But seeing someone willing to be comfortable with themselves in a public way can be really confidence building for some types of people.

Especially for things like coming out, showing off hormone changes - even anonymous people who appear openly on youtube videos are taking a risk under your thinking.  Imagine all the non-trans people that can see the telltale signs of trans surgeries after all the top surgery reveal videos they could randomly stumble across while browsing youtube.

-Increased access to affordable surgeries under expanded health care benefits.  The pressure on insurance companies and state health care systems from trans activism has no doubt helped more people get coverage.  I don't have coverage under insurance, so not me. But 20 years in the future? The groundwork is laid now. 

-Easier,  transparent procedures for legalities such as gender marker changes and name changes

All of the above would have made your transition easier, but now that you are finished the benefits are irrelevant  because of the minute chance your stealth status could be compromised by some unlikely connection someone makes?

Stealth people can stay stealth and be happy.  I'm not hating. "Flaunting your medical condition" is not for you, but people willing to do it are undeniably doing something that benefits every single trans person coming to terms with themselves and beginning to transition.

[Darrin Scott]

I think that people that are stealth and are against trans activism should remember early transition. Before a name change, surgery and HRT and how difficult it was. I remember because it wasn't that long ago. Things like using the mens room, getting your name called in a public office or even attending school/work was difficult. Open trans people want to make that process easier for those who live out or those starting out, who can't pass, have a legal name that usually doesn't match their gender and do not have the aid of surgery and hormones. Some are lucky and pass and have no difficulty right out of the gate. The majority of us do. I've seen it all over. Trans activism helps that and helps people who are at least starting out so their transition can go smoother than without. I'm so happy other trans people have been open with me about their transition and helped me find a dr for HRT and have shared their stories so I can transition myself.

On the other hand, I get it. I personally am not "out" and "flaunt my medical condition" for the world to see. I don't tell people I am trans and I don't say I'm FTM every 5 seconds everywhere I go. I live and interact as male. Some people in my life don't know I'm trans at all. While I hear all the time that people who flaunt it are ruining it for the stealth people, I believe they have that right to flaunt, like I do to not flaunt. I don't believe people should cease being themselves because of me or because of how I want to live my life. It goes both ways.

I think of all the gender non-conforming people who came before me and fought the battle for things to be as they are now and while not perfect, it's a lot better than it was 40 years ago. Imagine if no one spoke out or helped anyone? We'd all be up a creek without a paddle. I'm thankful for those that speak out and give me the ability to be myself.

[aleon515]

Case in point: Another trans guy, pre-everything, ran into me while I was out socializing with my gay men's group. Suffice it to say that I am stealth everywhere in my own home town, but especially in that particular group. When talking to the other guy (whom my friends apparently saw as a lesbian), I was very careful to use guarded language such as "the community" instead of "the trans community" and that sort of thing. I was afraid that he would say something inopportune, but he didn't. So I thought that he was being careful, too. We bumped into each other on two separate occasions like this. Later, in an e-mail, I mentioned something about his not outing me--maybe I thanked him for being careful; I really don't remember. When he e-mailed me back, he said that his discretion had been a complete accident and that it had never occurred to him that I might not want to be outed. Naturally, I was furious at such obliviousness.

Yeah most of the guys I know are out, but a few are not. I saw one at gay pride yesterday. I'm sure nobody thought anything of it, after all, they could read me as butch, but I was careful not to mention anything trans to him. Of course, me talking to him would imply I knew him and so on and early transition. But I would never go up and say somethign about the ftm meeting, say.

Before every meeting at the trans center they talk about not "outing" anybody in public by casual comments or whatever. I think it is a good thing because at least some stealth people do come.

A little reminder here for us out folks.

--Jay

[Natkat]

I do respect that choice and I get it that openly trans people are making the world better for themselves and other openly trans people. But no, you are not making it better for me.   

I disagree with that.
I do not remember where you live, But wheverer it is im sure theres been someone who have infected the way you can live without you knowing it. we generally dont think about those things, on what we have or dont have, it just when we know it by history or personally we start getting a view of it from before and after. People who is much invold with activism and generally follow it see those diffrence in those things, but you can also notice it if you read old books of GLBT and compare it to the present, looking up who made which changes, and how it happent.

One of my main issues with SOME of the "out and proud" trans people is that SOME of them do not respect my stealthness. Perhaps these folks are so used to being openly trans that they completely forget that it is NOT okay to walk up to other trans people in public and start talking to them in a way that outs them. Or perhaps some of them really don't care. I have a problem with either scenario. We must respect each other's boundaries and choices, and we must protect each other as much as we are able.

im sorry for your experience,
I am luckely kind of the opposite, one of my friend is pretty stealth somethimes when we go out he got to say something and afterward he apoligyse like "sorry I got to say this.. and I didnt knew if you felt it okay they knew you where trans"
for me it dosent matter cause around 99% of the times I dont care as long its not put up in a unpropriate way. But I can see the issue, and I guess many people who used to be open might find it difficult to read the situation when to be more open and when not to, I should try take it in notice myself.

[AdamMLP]

Y'know, some of this thread is starting to sound a little stealth shamey.

I think that out trans people are useful to the trans movement in some respects, but not entirely.  I for one have serious worries that one day I'm going to be outed by the scars I'll get from top surgery one day, to the point where part of me is leaning towards considering peri even though I generally don't like the look of the outcomes as much.  When I'm done with transition I just want to forget about it all, I'm just a regular man, and I want to forget all of this bs we have to go through to be seen as one.  There will always be little reminders, but I don't want one of those to be people noticing my scars in public and saying things, because once one person says something I'm going to be forever paranoid that everyone who stares, even if they're just curious because people can't always help looking at big scars, knows my past.  And if those scars are publicly broadcast around the place the whole time then it might become a big problem.

My next point sort of contradicts the above one a little, but I've never met an out trans person, and I don't think that a brief encounter with one would educate me, or have been enough for me to realise I was trans, back before I knew the name of it.  I'm all for people going on TV for well thought out documentaries, or even well written trans story-lines, because that's how I discovered what my feelings meant, but I don't think that having a bunch of trans people being out would ever touch my life enough to spark up the "that's me" warning light in my brain.  I also don't understand the dynamic of how it works to be an out trans person, except for those who don't pass, but if we want to be accepted as "normal people" (by this I mean not the freaks that some cis people view us as) then surely we should be making being trans a minor part of our lives, not some big deal that we have to tell everyone about?  That said, I have no interest in ever being out, and I don't understand how some people manage it, or how they go about being out.

One day all trans people will be seen in the same light as cis people, but honestly, I think that's a long time coming.  In the 18th century african-american slaves started revolting, and 300 years later the colour of peoples' skin is still something which makes people unequal, despite years of fighting to make it not so.  Maybe more relevant, the sixties held the first public protests against homosexual discrimination, and fifty years later most of the - for lack of better terms - western countries are only just coming around to the idea of equality, and there are many who are still homophobic, and potentially in positions of power.  In my personal opinion, people just being out isn't enough to change the state of play for trans people in our lifetime, we can't rely to be carried on the backs of the LGB movement, and no one ever got anywhere in history on their own.  If people are going to be out in order to progress society, then they need to do more than just be out.  It might help their personal social network, but not that of their state, country, or general society.  Just to clarify, this is entirely my opinion, and I'm not saying that to be out you need to be fighting tooth and nail for our rights, and nor can only out people fight for our rights, but if that's people's motivations for being out then I don't think it'll achieve very much.

In short, there are both pros and cons to being out, and to being stealth.  Without some people being out then there's much less of a chance of trans people understanding that being trans is a thing, but there's the problem that some people could end up being outed due to other trans people being out.  Of course that's always going to be a problem, but it could be lesser if the layperson doesn't know our tell-tale scars, etc.