Change my sex or live with what I have?

[AmyClover66]

Ok so I don't know if this is where I post this so please don't be mad at me. Here it goes.I have known something was wrong way back when I was a little kid. I always hung out with more girls than boys through school. I would steal my sisters clothes just to wear them in my room back in elementary school and use my moms make-up when no one was around in middle school. When high school came around I would get very jealous when those same girls got boyfriends and I was left behind. I thought I was going crazy and would even break down and cry. Then I decided I had to move on. So I suppressed it for two years. Then it came back 10 fold. I started dating men and tried to tell my family which blew-up in my face. So after a year I told them it was a phase I was going through and that I am back to normal, but really just keep my relationships secret from there on. I wanted to change my sex so bad, but knew it cost a lot. Yet, I wasn't happy with just being gay. I had a hard time with gay men because they would always want to suck me or have me in them which just felt wrong and most hated the fact that I would wear girl clothes at home. Well, I just stopped dating all together because it was too much for me. 10 years have past and I am starting to date men again. I found one guy who thinks I need to go all the way with a sex change or I will never be happy, but I am 30 years old now and still don't have money for SRS. What should I do? I feel lost and I feel as if I have waited too late. Not to mention I have kept this secret for so long that I have many good straight friends (most make fun of me because they say I am way to girly sometimes like I cry at movies, I like shopping, I shave my legs, or etc.) that do not know this about me and of course there is the homophobic family. Sometimes I feel I should just keep suppressing it and try to live with what I have. Any thoughts?

[Flan]

I would recommend a therapist versed in gender identity issues to help sort the things out (sexuality and what makes up you). Once that's done then you can figure out what's going on as far as permanent change (to your body) or if cross-dressing is good enough to keep the happy rolling.

[Jennygirl]

Ok so I don't know if this is where I post this so please don't be mad at me. Here it goes.I have known something was wrong way back when I was a little kid. I always hung out with more girls than boys through school. I would steal my sisters clothes just to wear them in my room back in elementary school and use my moms make-up when no one was around in middle school. When high school came around I would get very jealous when those same girls got boyfriends and I was left behind. I thought I was going crazy and would even break down and cry. Then I decided I had to move on. So I suppressed it for two years. Then it came back 10 fold. I started dating men and tried to tell my family which blew-up in my face. So after a year I told them it was a phase I was going through and that I am back to normal, but really just keep my relationships secret from there on. I wanted to change my sex so bad, but knew it cost a lot. Yet, I wasn't happy with just being gay. I had a hard time with gay men because they would always want to suck me or have me in them which just felt wrong and most hated the fact that I would wear girl clothes at home. Well, I just stopped dating all together because it was too much for me. 10 years have past and I am starting to date men again. I found one guy who thinks I need to go all the way with a sex change or I will never be happy, but I am 30 years old now and still don't have money for SRS. What should I do? I feel lost and I feel as if I have waited too late. Not to mention I have kept this secret for so long that I have many good straight friends (most make fun of me because they say I am way to girly sometimes like I cry at movies, I like shopping, I shave my legs, or etc.) that do not know this about me and of course there is the homophobic family. Sometimes I feel I should just keep suppressing it and try to live with what I have. Any thoughts?

Well it's never too late. It sounds like you are definitely gender dysphoric, and I second the motion to find a qualified therapist to help you figure out the best way for you to tackle this! The one guy who thinks you will never be happy is semi-right. You possibly can be happy without making a transition so to speak, but the feelings of gender dysphoria definitely never go away.

There's a best course of action for every individual, and places like this as well as in a therapist's office are wonderful places to start figuring out what that may be for you!

Welcome to Susan's

By the way, I am almost exactly the same age as you and just started transitioning 6 months ago. It is never too late!

[JoanneB]

If there is one thing I learned after some 50 years of dealing with being trans is that is never too late to try something different. If there is one thing I need to constantly remind myself of is stopping my black & white thinking.

There are plenty of things that can be done to help alleviate the pain of being trans. Loosing the shame and guilt are the hardest but most worthwhile. I finally figured that one out a few years. Much of the credit goes to finding a fantastic support group. I cross-dressed about all my life which helped. Twice in my 20's I experimented with transitioning. Both times stopping out of fear, shame and guilt. 

Over the past few years I've spent a portion of my days living part-time as a woman. I relearned what a joyous and happy life feels like.  This carried over into male aspect of my life. Only when I started over-thinking, What next-ing, thinking in terms of absolutes such as "if living as a do as a woman makes my life more joyous, then I must go all the way" I've never been fixated or goal oriented towards GRS. I also know all too well how much my life will totally change going full-time. I would love to, but there is a cost I am unable to bear at this point.

Thinking too much about about the future, and end game, sends me into major funks. The black and white thinking. My group members as well as my wife remind me to stop that. You are happy now. You found a way to deal with the gender dysphoria that is working. Why mess with it?

When a new member shows up their first meeting. The group moderator always tells them that there are no absolute solutions. No path that must be followed. The trick is to learn what works for you which is not always what works for everyone else.

[JulieC.]

I can't add anything more to what has already been said.  I will just say you've gotten great advice.

[Ltl89]

Ok so I don't know if this is where I post this so please don't be mad at me. Here it goes.I have known something was wrong way back when I was a little kid. I always hung out with more girls than boys through school. I would steal my sisters clothes just to wear them in my room back in elementary school and use my moms make-up when no one was around in middle school. When high school came around I would get very jealous when those same girls got boyfriends and I was left behind. I thought I was going crazy and would even break down and cry. Then I decided I had to move on. So I suppressed it for two years. Then it came back 10 fold. I started dating men and tried to tell my family which blew-up in my face. So after a year I told them it was a phase I was going through and that I am back to normal, but really just keep my relationships secret from there on. I wanted to change my sex so bad, but knew it cost a lot. Yet, I wasn't happy with just being gay. I had a hard time with gay men because they would always want to suck me or have me in them which just felt wrong and most hated the fact that I would wear girl clothes at home. Well, I just stopped dating all together because it was too much for me. 10 years have past and I am starting to date men again. I found one guy who thinks I need to go all the way with a sex change or I will never be happy, but I am 30 years old now and still don't have money for SRS. What should I do? I feel lost and I feel as if I have waited too late. Not to mention I have kept this secret for so long that I have many good straight friends (most make fun of me because they say I am way to girly sometimes like I cry at movies, I like shopping, I shave my legs, or etc.) that do not know this about me and of course there is the homophobic family. Sometimes I feel I should just keep suppressing it and try to live with what I have. Any thoughts?

I am so mad at you for posting this in this section 

I can relate a lot with the earlier part of your experience.  I wore my sister's clothes and tried on makeup around the house at a young age.  I originally came out as gay to a few friends, but realized that was lie and wasn't being truthful to myself.  I never really dated, though. 

What should you do?  Well, that's entirely up to you.  Transitioning is not mandatory.  It's a great path for those who need it, but it can be disastrous for those who don't.  Judging from your post you have lots of gender dysphoria.  I think it would be wise to work through this with a trained therapist who has dealt with trans patients before.  That way you can explore all the different options available to you and see how you feel emotionally about them.  I wish you lots of luck and success

[Anna++]

I found one guy who thinks I need to go all the way with a sex change or I will never be happy, but I am 30 years old now and still don't have money for SRS. What should I do?

Something to look out for - make sure the guy is only giving you something to think about and that he's not trying to push you into transitioning.  Taking hormones or getting surgery should be YOUR decision.  I agree that you should seek out a gender therapist and work out your issues before starting anything.

Sometimes I feel I should just keep suppressing it and try to live with what I have. Any thoughts?

Again - this should be your call, but I urge you to work out your issues rather than suppressing them.  I know that I could have kept existing as a guy for a long time, but existing and living are two different things and I need to be able to live my life

[AmyClover66]

Thank you so much everyone  I live in hick town Saint George, Utah which is ran by the mormon church so they oppress everybody: most races, any other religion, gays, lesbians, and of course transsexuals. So there is only one transsexual therapist within the confines of this misguided town I hope she is not corrupted by the church because I just sent her a e-mail. I will keep everyone posted so thank you for all the advice. oh and PS: Learningtolive, you had me worried for like 5 seconds when you said you where so mad