Telling YOUR Parents

[cannedrabbit]

I've seen plenty of threads talk about when and how trans folks should come out to their parents, but what about for us S.Os.? When and how did you or do you plan to "come out" to your parents with your partner's gender identity issues? How did your parents react? My wife has pretty much given me free reign in talking to my parents, saying that I should tell them whenever I feel the time is right, but I'm not sure when that would be.

I'm not sure how my parents will react, but I don't think they'll be overtly disapproving. My mom always thought my wife was "weird", asking me if I was sure she wasn't gay when we first started dating, so I think it won't come as too much of a surprise. I think she'll just be worried about our kids, and our money situation, and about us facing discrimination. I'm pretty sure I'll just get what I'll always get when I make "suspect" decisions; "It's your life"! 

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

There are several articles in the Reference Library, such as TELLING YOUR PARENTS

[cannedrabbit]

Thanks for the link. Is there anything regarding coming out to one's in-laws in the reference library? That's more along the lines of what I was looking for. My wife is MtF and I am trying to figure out how to tell my parents. Thanks again!

[blueconstancy]

I told my parents the same day and in much the same way (in person, using more or less the same "script") as my wife did hers. The major difference was that for me it also involved coming out as bisexual, since that was the only way to make sense of my willingness to be partnered with a woman. We also couldn't find any resources for telling in-laws as such, so we just sort of adapted the "how to tell your parents" guides for trans people.

(Unfortunately, my mother promptly disowned me. Looking back, I'd've not bothered with the tremendous effort we put in, since she ignored it and rewrote her own history anyway! But she had long been abusive and manipulative, so a) not a typical response and b) not particularly distressing for me once I adjusted to the peace and quiet of not dealing with her.)

Good luck!!

[Crackpot]

I've always had a strange relationship with my parents. My mother also mentioned after my wedding, considering how open minded and accepting I am, she's surprised I married a "white, heterosexual male". So I guess she won't be totally surprised by the news. She's also considered my SO to be a generally odd duck. My mom and dad are generally both pretty closed minded individuals, when I came out as bisexual when I was 19 they both independently told me I'd realize it's not for me someday. So it might be the death of rather strained relationships anyway. HOWEVER, they are divorced and absolutely hate each other so I wouldn't put it past either of them to both "be cool" with it to try to one up the other person and look like the better parent. I guess I'll find out at some point.

Regardless of all that though, I'll just sit my mom down and be pretty blunt. My dad I'll probably have to write a letter as he doesn't live close by. I can word things pretty precisely that way and I think it might be easier for him to process as well. The letter option is one that my husband is considering with his family who we both anticipate a strongly negative reaction from.