Help! My therapist ask me the toughest questions! How would you answer them?

[cutehappyjackie]

My therapist asked me what my life would be after my MTF transition and how people would treat me differently as a woman? How can I know these given I never be a woman in a single day? How would you answer them?


I think she asked me the follwoing quetions,

"• Do you have a clear mental picture of what you want life to be like
after you start hormones? How do you think you might feel if the
results don't match that mental picture?


• What parts of your life might change after hormone therapy? What
do you hope might change, and what do you fear might change?"

How would answer them?

[RachelH]

I'm sorry to be a little unhelpful, but the reason why the questions are difficult to answer is because they are designed to make you appreciate what the effects maybe and how they may differ from your expectations.  These answers are personal, and you need to think about them yourselves and not copy one of our experiences.

Think about how you want your life to be, and are these hopes realistic? Think about if you could cope if you will never pass, becoming sterile, family and friends acceptance, employability and career implications.  You need to think about this, and there is no right or wrong answer, only your answer. 

[JoanneB]

I am surprised you haven't been asking yourself those questions long before the therapist did. Transitioning and hormones equates to major life changes. Plenty to think about and question.

[cutehappyjackie]

I am surprised you haven't been asking yourself those questions long before the therapist did. Transitioning and hormones equates to major life changes. Plenty to think about and question.

Can Hormone therapy be for people who are just starting to question,
explore, and think through issues around gender identity?

[Rachel85]

Can Hormone therapy be for people who are just starting to question,
explore, and think through issues around gender identity?

I wouldn't be advising people to start HRT before they know what they want or who they are because it is a pretty serious thing.
There are health risks involved and some of the effects are permanent. Long term use can lead to sterility in males or at least a long "recovery" in returning to normal sperm function/production.
I would recommend continuing with your therapist and consider those questions long and hard.

[Heather]

When I first started going to therapy I went in already knowing I was trans. But I wanted a therapist that would challenge me and not give me hrt from the get go. I kind of also wanted to see if I wasn't somehow wrong. I think it's good for a therapist to ask the tough questions because it really makes us think about who we really are. I don't think anyone should jump into transitioning without being completely sure of themselves and knowing the consequences involved. There is a lot more than just physical changes that take place on hormones the emotional/mental changes are far greater and can drastically change you. I think you should ask yourself these questions that your therapist asked you. The most important part of transitioning isn't looks hormones or even the surgeries. It's accepting who you are completely and being sure your doing the right thing. So when something stands in your way you want fold and just quit.

[Matthieu]

I agree with Heather.  You should look forward to being challenged and having to answer dense thought provoking questions.  If having to answer a few  strategically pointed questions cause you this much stress maybe you're not as far along in the process as you think. 

[Ltl89]

If you can't answer these questions to some degree, I would really start doing some thinking.  Transitioning is a big step.  You want to make sure that it's the right path for you.  In order to do this you have to consider all the different aspects that may change in your life.  Essentially, your doctor is checking to see what your idealized vision is and whether you can handle if that never comes to fruition.  I dream something similar that most women do: I want a career and family/friends that I love and experience this all as me. If I don't get this, it will be tough and sad that this wouldn't happen, but I would manage to find happiness in my life.  Living as me is what's important, whatever the costs may be.  This isn't the case for everyone.  Look into what you want and whether you would be happy with transitioning if that fantasy never came true.  That is important self introspection that needs to be done.  The second question is especially important if you want to go on hormones.  If you haven't done research on hrt, you really want to look up the effects they can have.  These are things that you NEED to think deeply about.

How would you best answer this question if you were to take a stab at it?  No one else can answer these things for you.  They are very personal and differ between individuals.  If you are ready for this, you need to start thinking about these things. 

[Cindy]

I think these are very standard questions and things you do need to think about.

Lets put it in a different perspective.

You are me, you have been hormonally reassigned, you are out to everyone, your job, your family, society.

What do you do if you decide you don't like it? How do you deal with being misgendered? How do you deal with being female ALL THE TIME.
Ye going to bed, having a shower, getting dressed, going to work.

There is no; I think I'll not do my hair and make up today for work, I'll just do the old guy thing. No way. I would make a fool of myself.

Oh I need to change a tyre on the car, muscle up and do it, no way, I no longer have the physical strength (some woman do of course).

Some one insults me, how do I deal with it? In my case? Tear their balls off and feed them to them.

In your case?

I look like a 'guy in a dress' so? How will that effect your life?

The opposite; I look pretty damn good and guys are attracted to me, and me to them (in my case), how do you deal with that?

I like to look good, so I get my hair done, my nails done etc. How do you feel going into salons and asking for stuff to be done?

You can no longer get an erection, you have a sperm count of less than zero, you will never father a child. How will that affect you?

Full hormonal reassignment from male to female has profound and deep effects on you.  For many people it is bliss, but if it isn't truly what you want it would be Hell.

Good questions and they need thinking about and being answered honestly.

Hugs
Cindy

[JoanneB]

The most important part of transitioning isn't looks hormones or even the surgeries. It's accepting who you are completely and being sure your doing the right thing.

+1

The most important and perhaps the hardest part.

[Erin Kay Howell]

After talking with my therapist now for a few months it seems I ask myself the harder questions then he.

Im so hard on myself that I still find myself asking if this isnt just a problem with me instead of a real life change.

I dont know, it seems like when I speak with him I can answer all his questions with ease because I know what needs to happen. I tend to ask him the harder questions about what I should do/feel/think.

*shurgs*

[Cindy]

After talking with my therapist now for a few months it seems I ask myself the harder questions then he.

Im so hard on myself that I still find myself asking if this isnt just a problem with me instead of a real life change.

I dont know, it seems like when I speak with him I can answer all his questions with ease because I know what needs to happen. I tend to ask him the harder questions about what I should do/feel/think.

*shurgs*

Well IMO a good therapist should be able to help with answers about specific problems. How do I deal with Government Agencies, what toilets to use that sort of stuff. But we need to be in a mind frame to know what to expect of ourselves.

[Jess42]

How I would answer them? Honestly.

[Chloe]

re: OCD and GID ( from someone who's already "been here" )     

One "example"...  if ya read entire thread might gain some insight into what therapist expects of you. Whoa, way too "how time flies" (check dates)!!

If you don't honestly have gender dysphoria you might be a bit more cautious about the possibility you're not being realistic about your fantasies

( a good link is top page 2 )

[Emily Aster]

I'd answer them as honestly as I possibly could. They're just making sure you've thought everything through.

[Shannon1979]

But I wanted a therapist that would challenge me and not give me hrt from the get go. I kind of also wanted to see if I wasn't somehow wrong. I think it's good for a therapist to ask the tough questions because it really makes us think about who we really are. I don't think anyone should jump into transitioning without being completely sure of themselves and knowing the consequences involved

Agreed I thought about self medicating and all sorts a couple of years ago. In the end i spent a year in therapy for personality disorder. and im glad i did that instead of the other. though now i am sure its what i want, back then i was in no fit state of mind to make those decisions. So although transitioning is the right thing for me, Two years ago wouldnt have been the right time, i would have ended up worse off or worse than that (if you catch my meaning).

[Rachel]

Great questions to ask.

I am still formulating the answers myself. I know what I do not want, which is a start. I need to write things down to keep it clear. I have even used a mind map as an aid.

[dpadgett628]

Great questions to ask.

I am still formulating the answers myself. I know what I do not want, which is a start. I need to write things down to keep it clear. I have even used a mind map as an aid.

I agree. My therapist asks some of the hardest questions and most of the time, I cant answer them because, in a way I know exactly what I want. But I don't know how to get it out and show it.

I think gender therapy is more about exploring yourself and learning about what you want and how to deal with things, than just jumping in and starting HRT.

[Elle16]

I think you need to look deep inside and see if this really is what you want/need to do. Presenting as female is hard, undoing all the things I've grown up with even though I know there's a girl at heart, it can be difficult. In my case I tried to be other people and it's messed me up for so long. But during all these periods I kept saying to myself "this is NOT me!" 

That's how I know I am trans and now my old self is coming back and I'm so happy about that <3

Imagine not ever being able to pass or look as you want too. There's loads of vids out there for people who look amazing following transition - but not everyone gets the same results. What if the hormones didn't do enough? Can you accept that and just go on looking as you do? These are things you must think about before making the descision to transition from Male to female, espeically where hormones and their effects are concerned.

I'm going to continue on this road because the person I look at in the mirror just isn't me - I cannot go on looking at myself as a boy. I know in my heart I want to be a girl - that's the only thing I want, it has to happen. Also living my life as a boy I lied alot - because I am lying about who I really am and I cannot do that anymore!

Just today I was gawked at by a gang of 3 people - I didn't care really. My mum was with me and she got quite cross as the tall guy muttered something about me - we didn't hear what it was. But has it affected my choice to transition? NO! I'll keep going as I need to be happy in who I really am, doing this part time is not an option for me anymore.

Fear and rejection go hand in hand, of course people will not understand or get it when they see me or any trans person but they are just so uninformed about it - why should I care they don't even know me from Adam!

Being yourself takes alot of courage and you need to be 110% sure you really want this otherwise it'll be hell - going back is also very difficult as you cannot reverse the effects after so long.

Have a long think about it - decide what you want and then move forward. Not everyone gets it but you have to be true to yourself if nothing else

xx

[Tristan]

They do ask hard questions. I guess it's to get inside your head and see how you are doing.