detransition

[fatty]

I'm not threatened by discussing these issues.

Did you know that 31 percent of transitioned transgender people regret their choice? If you go on a trans website they will report it at 1-3percent. But if you look it up in real medical journals you will discover that it is 31 percent! That is crazy!

http://detransition.blogspot.com.au/

"I saw the breasts and I saw the long hair and I thought, like, that's what I wanted." – Jait Jr., former transgender teen now a gay man trying to undo the damage to his body done by hormones and silicone.

Removed link to banned blog.

[Devlyn]

Yup, detransition is part of this for some people. They have a longer path to walk than most of us, and need all the support we can give.

"I'm not threatened by discussing these issues."

Cookie, medal, or star on your forehead, hon? Why would you feel threatened? Hugs, Devlyn

[vegie271]

OK, I have my doubts about the validity of this, you how me a site which quotes the DSM-IV which is out of date, also saying that trans are 1  in 30,000 when I can get statistics saying we are far more common than that. and you show me 5 or 6 detransitioning people and then claim this is evidence that 30% of people detransition , on the other hand I was forced to detransition by a church with reparative therapy. how about those statistics?

[Jenni]

I've noticed that most people assume if someone's detransitioned that means they questioned their gender again. That's not always the case. I had to detransition for just over 3 years and I hated every single moment of it. When I finally had gotten to live as myself full time. I was in heaven. Yeah life still had it's shares of stress and problems but I was a little more at peace.  I for the first time, felt free. I didn't have to hide who I was. I was rediscoverying myself and who I was as a person now that the chains of being forced to live as a male had been removed. The only reason why I had to detransition was I lost my job and burned through my savings.  I had to move in with my sister and the rule was to detransition or live on the street. I chose not to starve.  True, eventually I wound up on the street due to her landlord not allowing me to live there but what was done was done and I was miserable. I only just a few months ago got back on hormones. I'm finally going to be retransitioning soon and the day can't come soon enough. No offense to all the dudes in here but this guy thing isn't for me and it's never been for me.

[Elsa]

I had detransitioned 6 months after I started HRT, because I fell in love with an amazing person and I still love her, although that love has changed from that for a partner to that of someone who is my best friend and like a sister to me.

At that time, I had to choose between living as her partner and being myself and I choose the first because she made me feel happy and she worked hard to make me forget my gender issues.

When our relationship ended our future as partners - I just couldn't deny myself for who I really am. So I went back on HRT and I am more comfortable with myself than I've ever been.

I'm not threatened by discussing these issues.

Hon, hope you don't mind if I ask, what's making you think about this topic?

[Ltl89]

I'm not threatened by discussing these issues.

Why would you be?  I think it makes sense that there will be some people who detransition.  One, transitioning isn't easy and there are lots of societal pressures that stand in our way. Two, some people go into this without fully considering the consequences or if this is the right path for them.  Three, transitioning takes a lot of money. 

In particular, I think there are people in category two that we don't often acknowledge enough.  Transitioning is not easy and it's a difficult path.  For the right person it's great.  But for the wrong person, it's a terrible decision.  That's why I think people should really consider if this is what they want before moving forward.  There is no reason to rush in with it.  If you are certain this is what you want, then god bless you.  I feel the same way.  But even then you have to be prepared to face all the roadblocks that may spring up from going down this path.  That's why there are categories 1 and 3. While we all want a bed of roses, it might not turn out that way.  Transitioning can have it's difficulties.  Even if it's what you want and the right path for you, it's best to create a strategy about dealing with the challenges you may encounter.    If you really want this, you need to be prepared for all the difficulties you may face.

Having said that, I think the 31 percent statistic is a bit questionable.  I'm not denying it's validity, but the source is a bit dubious to me. 

[fatty]

I've known a few to mysteriously dissapear over the years. And these girls can't have been going stealth , that's for sure. Also as I've said before, my first doctor said it was rife.

Sometimes some young gay men want seem to detransition because they love gaiety so much. I've heard tell of that.

Hey a thread of mine is actually running smoothly lol

[vegie271]

I've known a few to mysteriously dissapear over the years. And these girls can't have been going stealth , that's for sure. Also as I've said before, my first doctor said it was rife.

Sometimes some young gay men want seem to detransition because they love gaiety so much. I've heard tell of that.

Hey a thread of mine is actually running smoothly lol

Emphasis added by me, herein is  the key!, they never should have been allowed to transition in the first case! they were GAY MEN not tran women!  or trans men, only trans people should transition! if random people off the street are allowed to take hormones and transition haphazardly   any time they want of course the rate is going to be high but I think  your numbers are a little off.

I think they are just  a little exaggerated

[Michelle S.]

Emphasis added by me, herein is  the key!, they never should have been allowed to transition in the first case! they were GAY MEN not tran women!  or trans men, only trans people should transition! if random people off the street are allowed to take hormones and transition haphazardly   any time they want of course the rate is going to be high but I think  your numbers are a little off.

I think they are just  a little exaggerated

Exactly!!! I think that some of the detransitioners might be homosexual men and those who think that transitioning will somehow make them more popular, liked or attractive. The problem is DIY hormones and I think since we are gaining more visibility, "transition mills". DIY hormones allow people who think they're trans to begin a very serious process without adequate understanding of who they are and what they are doing to themselves.

I say transition mill comparing the gatekeeping of legit HRT and the very real issue of pain pill mills. Pain pill mills, this may be a Florida problem, are actually "pain clinics" that will basically write you a prescription for whatever you want if you're willing to pay the price. They're on every corner in some cities. I think this model is slowing being introduced in the transworld. When I first came out and sought therapy, I found 2 therapists who didn't accept any insurance and charged a fortune with the promise that no one was ever denied their letter for HRT or GRS. I was looking for real help, not what I "think" I wanted at the time, so I found a genuine specialist.

[Renee]

Emphasis added by me, herein is  the key!, they never should have been allowed to transition in the first case! they were GAY MEN not tran women!  or trans men, only trans people should transition! if random people off the street are allowed to take hormones and transition haphazardly   any time they want of course the rate is going to be high but I think  your numbers are a little off.

I think they are just  a little exaggerated

When you start talking about who should be allowed to do what, you get into gatekeeping and stuff like that. Should only the really "passable" ones be allowed to, should only the ones that knew it from an early age be allowed to, should only the ones that can stand on their heads and recite the pledge of allegiance be allowed to....

Adults possessing sound minds should be able to do what makes them happy so long as it doesn't actually harm another. Trying to protect everyone from making their own mistakes leads to a lot of unhappy people and likely even higher rates of suicide.

The issue of detransitioning really only needs to be a concern of those going through it, its not up to the rest of us to judge them or their reasons for transitioning in the first place or whatever compels them to detransition. Its like a stigma is being put on them for deciding something just isn't for them after all and that is something that doesn't need to be added to their lives, especially from our kind.

[Carrie Liz]

I actually wouldn't be surprised if those stats are true. When I started transition, part of me was looking toward the end goal as this amazing heavenly sanctuary where, once I got there, baby angels would fall out of the sky and heavenly choruses would sing and I'd never be miserable again. And I'm afraid a lot of people go into it with these same kinds of delusions of grandeur, not even thinking about the negatives.

Well, guess what? It's not like that. It's not like that at all. If anything, transition has taught me how little the two sexes are really different. And yet the social difference, how others see you, is so significant that I can imagine a lot of people are disappointed when they finally reach the end, and realize that it's not the divine revelation they expected it to be, and yet the way other people treat them is so different.

Hell, even I had to recheck my motives after I started going public and realizing that it wasn't such a big deal. The reason why I have kept going despite being very disappointed with this lack of "divine revelation" is because I realized that when I look at myself in the mirror in "girl mode," I smile, and I actually feel happy with myself, which is something that I NEVER feel in "guy mode."

But I imagine that there are quite a few who, when they start with the real-life experience, or when they start hormones, quickly realize that it's not what they thought it was going to be, and quit.

But hey, that's okay. So it's not right for them. Big deal. Transition isn't for everyone. It's all about what makes each individual person happy. And if detransitioning and quitting hormones makes them happier, then that's what they should do.

[Sarah Louise]

Transitioning (or de-transitioning) is a personal decision.  We should not judge either (or encourage someone to do either).

It takes a lot of courage to do "either".

[Naomi]

Transitioning (or de-transitioning) is a personal decision.  We should not judge either (or encourage someone to do either).

It takes a lot of courage to do "either".

[Devlyn]

10. Bashing or flaming of any individuals or groups is not acceptable behavior on this web site and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason.  This includes but is not limited to:

Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term

Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more legitimate, deserving, or more real than any others

[Renee]

Exactly!!! I think that some of the detransitioners might be homosexual men and those who think that transitioning will somehow make them more popular, liked or attractive. The problem is DIY hormones and I think since we are gaining more visibility, "transition mills". DIY hormones allow people who think they're trans to begin a very serious process without adequate understanding of who they are and what they are doing to themselves.

I say transition mill comparing the gatekeeping of legit HRT and the very real issue of pain pill mills. Pain pill mills, this may be a Florida problem, are actually "pain clinics" that will basically write you a prescription for whatever you want if you're willing to pay the price. They're on every corner in some cities. I think this model is slowing being introduced in the transworld. When I first came out and sought therapy, I found 2 therapists who didn't accept any insurance and charged a fortune with the promise that no one was ever denied their letter for HRT or GRS. I was looking for real help, not what I "think" I wanted at the time, so I found a genuine specialist.

Can you say how many detransitioners went DIY?  Going to a therapist, shrink, etc. doesn't guarantee anything. And really, comparing DIYers to those who seek to abuse prescription pain killers? And to be honest, often I'm inclined to think that DIYers are on the whole a bit more knowledgable about what they are actually taking than some that just take a script from a doctor and go get it filled without asking questions that they should be asking.

[Michelle S.]

Can you say how many detransitioners went DIY?  Going to a therapist, shrink, etc. doesn't guarantee anything. And really, comparing DIYers to those who seek to abuse prescription pain killers? And to be honest, often I'm inclined to think that DIYers are on the whole a bit more knowledgable about what they are actually taking than some that just take a script from a doctor and go get it filled without asking questions that they should be asking.

Did I say that? No. I'm not guaranteeing they will do anything. But, there is a reason for a standards of care... Not only is DIY dangerous, but anyone can do it.

Also, if you read my example more carefully you'd find the point. There are people who make pills available for those who want them because it's fast cash for them. They don't care about the patient. Now, I've run into two different "gender therapists" with the same practice.

EDIT:

And to be honest, often I'm inclined to think that DIYers are on the whole a bit more knowledgable about what they are actually taking than some that just take a script from a doctor and go get it filled without asking questions that they should be asking.

I think that's just as much a leap of faith as what I said about DIY...

[Renee]

Did I say that? No. I'm not guaranteeing they will do anything. But, there is a reason for a standards of care... Not only is DIY dangerous, but anyone can do it.

Also, if you read my example more carefully you'd find the point. There are people who make pills available for those who want them because it's fast cash for them. They don't care about the patient. Now, I've run into two different "gender therapists" with the same practice.

You stated that the problem was DIY hormones. I'm not advocating the practice, but for some, its the only viable alternative when there is no readily available help.  I'm not even sure why it had to be brought into a discussion about detransitioning in the first place if someone didn't try to connect the two.


And sure, there are not so great therapists, therapists that milk their patients, etc. but unfortunately you will run into that sort of thing when dealing with any profession, not just those pertaining to us.  Its part of why people need to educate themselves and not rely solely on their doctors, therapists, etc. to hold their hands through it all.

But being a little more readily available should actually be seen as a good thing as its difficult enough to admit this stuff to oneself, much less seek help for it, not to mention the cost. If a few misguided souls make their own mistakes along the way, I'm sorry, but its no reason to make the rest of us jump through flaming hoops just to keep a few from making their own poor choices.

Sorry, but that's just the way I see it and I've seen a lot having been through a lot and talking to a lot of trans people over the years and having had to do what I had to do just to keep myself from putting a bullet through my own head.

[Michelle S.]

You stated that the problem was DIY hormones. I'm not advocating the practice, but for some, its the only viable alternative when there is no readily available help.  I'm not even sure why it had to be brought into a discussion about detransitioning in the first place if someone didn't try to connect the two.

Really, did I? Was it a closed done deal - I said DIY hormones is THE problem? Or did I say,

I think that some of the detransitioners might be homosexual men and those who think that transitioning will somehow make them more popular, liked or attractive.

I can understand the language confuses the point but that's not what I'm saying.
You're reading with your heart and not your eyes. Some leaves the doors open for the rest. I never excluded those that go by the standards of care out. I simply made a social observation of not only what I've seen but also heard about. How many times in your life did you want to be something that today you go, "wow, really? I wanted to be [blank]." Some people have applied this to being transgender. Then you leave the door open for them to get hormones. Then they realize they had no clue what they were doing. They detransition and write blogs about transitioning is so wrong for people. Then politicians dig up this crap and use it as a, "see look it's just a choice, screw their rights." I've got a big problem with that.

If you DIY hormones, that's okay. But, I strongly feel that the "hoops" are there for your well-being and best interest.

EDIT: I'm sorry you felt like putting a bullet through your head. I know a lot of us have been there... More the reason to seek out qualified mental health specialists. What happens if someone thought that transitioning was the cure for their depression, didn't fully comprehend it going in and now are left even more depressed?

[Ltl89]

I don't think the heart of the problem is whether someone started hormones through the traditional path or not.  The problem is that some people really don't think things through and consider the consequences (good and bad) of transitioning.  If you start off unprepared with unrealistic expectations, it's not surprising that one may be unhappy with their decision.  This occurs easily through the traditional standards of care too.  If the patient isn't willing to do the proper self examination and just wizzes their way through everything, there is not much the therapist can do to detect this.  Ultimately, we are responsible for ourselves.  It's best to make sure we do what's right for us an individuals.  Why someone wouldn't is beyond me.  You only have one life.

Transitioning (or de-transitioning) is a personal decision.  We should not judge either (or encourage someone to do either).

It takes a lot of courage to do "either".

That's a really great statement

[Renee]

Really, did I? Was it a closed done deal - I said DIY hormones is THE problem?

Actually, yes...

Exactly!!! I think that some of the detransitioners might be homosexual men and those who think that transitioning will somehow make them more popular, liked or attractive. The problem is DIY hormones and I think since we are gaining more visibility, "transition mills". DIY hormones allow people who think they're trans to begin a very serious process without adequate understanding of who they are and what they are doing to themselves.

I say transition mill comparing the gatekeeping of legit HRT and the very real issue of pain pill mills. Pain pill mills, this may be a Florida problem, are actually "pain clinics" that will basically write you a prescription for whatever you want if you're willing to pay the price. They're on every corner in some cities. I think this model is slowing being introduced in the transworld. When I first came out and sought therapy, I found 2 therapists who didn't accept any insurance and charged a fortune with the promise that no one was ever denied their letter for HRT or GRS. I was looking for real help, not what I "think" I wanted at the time, so I found a genuine specialist.

Or did I say,


I can understand the language confuses the point but that's not what I'm saying.
You're reading with your heart and not your eyes. Some leaves the doors open for the rest. I never excluded those that go by the standards of care out. I simply made a social observation of not only what I've seen but also heard about. How many times in your life did you want to be something that today you go, "wow, really? I wanted to be [blank]." Some people have applied this to being transgender. Then you leave the door open for them to get hormones. Then they realize they had no clue what they were doing. They detransition and write blogs about transitioning is so wrong for people. Then politicians dig up this crap and use it as a, "see look it's just a choice, screw their rights." I've got a big problem with that.

If you DIY hormones, that's okay. But, I strongly feel that the "hoops" are there for your well-being and best interest.

You should actually be glad that people over the years have questioned the gatekeepers, it and the internet has really helped to make resources more readily available for younger people to get help sooner rather than have to wait decades until they have become so dysfunctional that even transition may not be enough to fix them. While standards of care are nice and dandy, they can also be used to refuse help to someone who may well need it just as much as you or I. And just so you know, even back when there were extremely strict rules governing who could transition back in the heyday of hospital run gender clinics, there were still those that jumped through the hoops by lying to the doctors and/or themselves and then later realized they made a mistake. Again, hoops aren't a guarantee, nothing is. Why make it so hard for others just to ease your mind.

just sayin'...