Coming out while in the military?

[Jean24]

Hi everyone, sorry if this is a little long but I really need some advice. So, I recently came out to some close friends and family members as being transsexual. My life is kinda complex right now. I had put my education and professional life first since my transgender feelings became very powerful during adolescence. I was ignoring it in the hopes that my feelings would go away or change. I was ashamed of them. Well I joined the military about 3 years back and have 3 years to go. Recently my job changed and I disliked it so much I was forced to confront my feelings in an attempt to find some area in my life that I found satisfaction in. They are still very strict though when it comes to any kind of gender or sexuality issues. For example, even though DADT was repealed, sodomy is still a punishable offense in the military, so forget about being openly trans or transitioning in the military (for now). I also work 60 hours a week and finding time to get therapy is hard. Here's where I stand, but I could really use some advise from anyone who could provide some insight:
-I feel compelled to begin transitioning ASAP since I have been neglectful of my feelings and that area of my life for so long. I'm in my mid 20s now.
-I would like to go back to school and get a part time job while I do this. I'm feeling over the military for obvious reasons and I want to get out and continue on my journey since I can't while I am in.

[Jean24]

I'd also like to add that I'm not a negative person and am not bitter at the military or military members, just ready to move on since that seems to be the best route. I might be wrong, but that's why I need advise.

[Jess42]

I would like to say, thank you for your service. Pretty much all I can tell you is suck it up and drive on because you really don't have much choice if you are in the military and have gender identity issues. Six years with three done? I was starting to have a hard time with a year to go, I can only imagine how you feel with three more.

Is there anyway you can get out early? When I was in they were retiring people left and right, changing wieght requirements and upping the drug testing frequency. Pretty much all you had to do was to fail 2 PT tests and you were gone under a general discharge. If you were overweight an honorable discharge.

I don't think I would go to therapy or anything else having to do with trans issues through millitary channels. If you are stateside, seek therapy on your own and pay out of pocket for it. If you are overseas I really don't know how you could go about it.

Since you are only in your mid twenties, you still have plenty of time. I know it's hard but that millitary record will follow you if you mess it up. Ask around and see if there is some early way out. I don't know what the discarge is for being trans but I doubt it would be full honorable. It would probably be general or less than honorable. That may be another route to go if it is honorable. Just keep in mind that it may take months for the paperwork to go through and whether or not you are gonna get hassled by the brass, stripes or your peers.

It's funny that all levels of government jobs are liberal when it comes to LGBT issues. All except the millitary.

Good luck and I wish you the best and hope you can find a solution but I really think it will be pretty hard so be prepared.

[Tristan]

I have know of a few people that took blockers in the military to buy some time and did online therapy via the Internet Skype

[Jean24]

I would like to say, thank you for your service. Pretty much all I can tell you is suck it up and drive on because you really don't have much choice if you are in the military and have gender identity issues. Six years with three done? I was starting to have a hard time with a year to go, I can only imagine how you feel with three more.

Is there anyway you can get out early? When I was in they were retiring people left and right, changing wieght requirements and upping the drug testing frequency. Pretty much all you had to do was to fail 2 PT tests and you were gone under a general discharge. If you were overweight an honorable discharge.

I don't think I would go to therapy or anything else having to do with trans issues through millitary channels. If you are stateside, seek therapy on your own and pay out of pocket for it. If you are overseas I really don't know how you could go about it.

Since you are only in your mid twenties, you still have plenty of time. I know it's hard but that millitary record will follow you if you mess it up. Ask around and see if there is some early way out. I don't know what the discarge is for being trans but I doubt it would be full honorable. It would probably be general or less than honorable. That may be another route to go if it is honorable. Just keep in mind that it may take months for the paperwork to go through and whether or not you are gonna get hassled by the brass, stripes or your peers.

It's funny that all levels of government jobs are liberal when it comes to LGBT issues. All except the millitary.

Good luck and I wish you the best and hope you can find a solution but I really think it will be pretty hard so be prepared.

I've done a little more research. Supposedly a GID diagnosis will get someone automatically separated - but there are some exceptions as one of my sources shows (I will post them at the bottom). That generally means honorable if not a general discharge for someone who doesn't have problems. I have known about the PT failures, but they have upped it to 3 failures in 4 years and the discharge is honorable unless you have performance or disciplinary problems, then it is a general. It is getting rough though. I can't be myself and my new job is long a bunch of long and stressful hours spent thinking about what to do vs what I can do to improve anything about my situation. Thanks for the advise though, at least it is the truth hahaha. Oh, and here are the links:

http://outservemag.com/2012/01/the-new-dadt-the-militarys-ban-on-transgender-service/
http://www.glaad.org/blog/pentagon-recognizes-transgender-service-member
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?136938-GID-amp-The-Military

[Jean24]

I have know of a few people that took blockers in the military to buy some time and did online therapy via the Internet Skype

Can you post some info on what exactly blockers are, their effects, and where I can get them? I'm actually very interested but I'm poorly educated on the matter.

[Emily Aster]

I got out on a GID. It was an honorable discharge, but it doesn't say GID on the DD214. It says Personality Disorder. Most jobs in the states don't actually ask for the DD214, but it should still be taken into consideration in case you ever need to present them.

[barbie]

I was in obligatory military service in S. Korea for 6 months. I did not clearly recognize my GID at that time, but I had a chance to wear silk stockings in a barracks, which was a kind of tradition to avoid blistered feet. Some platoon members praised my legs, saying like your legs look like those of models. During Vietnam war, Korean soldiers wore lady's underwear pants, believing a superstition that bullets will miss those who wear women's underwear. I do not know the exact reason, but I guess this kind of crossdressing was allowed in that kind of men only society. I am not sure about the US army, but I remember that sailors tended to like me when I was in the ship, not necessarily involving any sexual context.

barbie~~

[Jess42]

Like I said yesterday Gene, I really feel for you. I had self expression problems after Basic Training and AIT when things slowed down. Since I was overseas for two years and experiencing different cultures, my mind was active so it really wasn't that bad. But.... when I got back to the states it hit me really hard. It really isn't the military's fault, like you said, but I have always been the odd one out. Not just with trans issues but self expression issues in general. I have never worn another uniform after, not even for work. My self expression issues though are not for attention as much as a separation and uniqueness.

It's really good Emily, that it is an honorable discharge. I think the only time a possible employer wante to see mine was when I started working after the Army as a means of a reference. Other than that I have never been asked for it again.

Wow barbie, were you an ROK soldier or a KATUSA? I was in Korea for 2 years in the lovely town of Pusan. I loved every freakin' minute of it and think often of going back for a couple of months just to visit.

Funny about pantyhose though. In addition to helping prevent blisters, they also supposedly keep leaches off, will help keep you warm and there are others that I can't recall right now. 

[barbie]

Wow barbie, were you an ROK soldier or a KATUSA? I was in Korea for 2 years in the lovely town of Pusan. I loved every freakin' minute of it and think often of going back for a couple of months just to visit.

Funny about pantyhose though. In addition to helping prevent blisters, they also supposedly keep leaches off, will help keep you warm and there are others that I can't recall right now.

Jess,

You were in Pusan (Busan)? I mostly lived in Busan during my life time. About 30 years ago, there were one or two U.S. army bases in Busan, but now they have been moved to other suburban places. New towns have been developed in the evacuated areas such as Haeundae.

I was in a kind of military academy, and it was also a kind of provisional exception. As I got a master degree, I was eligible for that. Most people at that time spent 3 years, but I just served 6 months in the military.

Haeundae was so much changed, especially in the 1990s. Once I could not locate the house of my mother in law in the Haeundae area, because the landscape was changed so dramatically just in 3 years.

Me in Haeundae last year.



barbie~~

[Jess42]

Yep, good ol' Camp Hialeah from mid 89 to mid 91. Pusan Storage Facility or PSF was the other one. That's why I spell it Pusan instead of Busan. I saw where they had closed them down and it kind of broke my heart. I think I acutally had tears in my eyes kind of like when they bulldoze the house you grew up in. I stayed there for two years instead of the obligatory one year. I have to say that I felt more at home and comfortable in Korea than most cities here in the U.S. I usually feel extrememly crowded and uncomfortable in cities but I didn't feel that in Pusan, Jinhae, Osan, Taegu or Seoul. I have often heard that people with introverted personalities are more comfortable in the cities of oriental countries for whatever reason so it must be true.

I have spent a lot of time on that very beach you are standing at though it does look a little different. I can almost smell the smells of the beach now with all the vendors that they had when I was there just by looking at the picture. Even in the U.S. I'll catch a whiff of something and memories come flooding back.

I would go to the clubs outside of the gate at times but I would usually try to experience Korea on the Korean level. In other words I would go out with a lot of the Nationals that I worked with or by myself to places in which most Americans wouldn't go because they would feel out of place.

I usually don't miss things very much after I've moved on but Korea is definately one of the places that I really miss and long to go back to.

[barbie]

Yes. Interesting.  I was near Taegu (Daegu) for military service in 1989-1990.

Nowadays there are many foreigners living in haeundae area, which means it became a kind of international town. Vendors still exist but only in the confined sector where the city allowed.

I once visited New Orleans in 2002 summer. The city looked very exotic and spiritual to me compared with other big cities. I was in Maryland for 11 years.

Barbie~~

[Jess42]

OK now, this is getting kind of scary barbie. I live pretty much in New Orleans, was in Korea and worked mainly between Taegu and Pusan during the same time frame. As for the Big Easy, it is way too crowded here for me anyway. I don't really care much for living here but I will say that it is a nice place to visit. There is a lot of culture here and a mysterious air about it.

It's really ashame about the vendors on the beach. It was kind of like going to the fair in the way of food and drinks. From seafood to hamburgers and from rice beer (can't really remember the name of it but it was pretty good) to OB.

[skin]

I am currently in the military and was recently diagnosed with GID.  I was placed on limited duty for 6 months to treat depression.  As far as I have been told so far, I will not be discharged because of the GID diagnoses at the end on the limdu period.  However, being placed on limdu caused me to lose my security clearance.  I was told I'd need to disclose my diagnosis to get it back.  I was then told that in order to get my clearance back once I am cleared by medical, I will have to be completely open about GID otherwise it is something people could use to blackmail information out of me.  So based on my experience right now, the medical side is fine with me serving after a GID diagnosis, but the admin side is not.

[Jess42]

I am currently in the military and was recently diagnosed with GID.  I was placed on limited duty for 6 months to treat depression.  As far as I have been told so far, I will not be discharged because of the GID diagnoses at the end on the limdu period.  However, being placed on limdu caused me to lose my security clearance.  I was told I'd need to disclose my diagnosis to get it back.  I was then told that in order to get my clearance back once I am cleared by medical, I will have to be completely open about GID otherwise it is something people could use to blackmail information out of me.  So based on my experience right now, the medical side is fine with me serving after a GID diagnosis, but the admin side is not.

Oh the good old run around. One says OK and the other says NO. What will happen if you tell your chain of command about your GID? You may not be discharged but they can mess with you really bad and that may lead to more depression.

[skin]

Right, I have never seen being open in order to keep my clearance as an option.  I just hope they don't wait the whole six months before clearing me so I can just move on with my life.  I am tremendously disappointed that I am not getting to finish my time and just hanging around on med hold isn't helping with the guilt associated with that.

[barbie]

It's really ashame about the vendors on the beach. It was kind of like going to the fair in the way of food and drinks. From seafood to hamburgers and from rice beer (can't really remember the name of it but it was pretty good) to OB.

Vendors are still there. The city just wants to regulate them on price and hygiene. Haeundae 2 years ago:



About 10 years ago, a new bridge was constructed to relieve traffic jam from and to Haeundae. It is called Gwangan bridge, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gwangan_Bridge .



Rice beer is called makgeolli http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Makgeolli . The quality of rice beer has been greatly enhanced, as anybody is allowed produce it, once getting a license. Nearly every night I drink it before sleeping. Grape wine usually causes some bad thing to my stomach as it is very acidic, but rice wine is fine to my body.

Busan city is now constructing a park in the place of Camp Hialeah: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Busan_Citizens_Park

I am not quite sure, but you may spot the place in the background of the photo:



The photo was taken at Lotte Hotel Busan located in Seomyeon http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seomyeon,_Busan .

barbie~~

[Jess42]

God, barbie, your makin' me home sick. I really can't see what is in the background of the picture though. And..... if I can remember right Soemyeon was just outside the gates. I remember Soemyeon Circle a little ways from the Hialeah. Am I right?

That's the name of the rice beer. Loved the crap out of it though and most of the vendors knew what I wanted and many of them started knowing me by name. They would hand it to me without me even asking when I would walk up.

I am soooooooooooo jealous of you because you get to go back often. I really wish I would have fully accepted myself back then and found a nice Korean man to settle down with and lived happily ever after. But if I knew then what I know now. :'

(

Right, I have never seen being open in order to keep my clearance as an option.  I just hope they don't wait the whole six months before clearing me so I can just move on with my life.  I am tremendously disappointed that I am not getting to finish my time and just hanging around on med hold isn't helping with the guilt associated with that.

I don't want to be the bearer of bad news skin, but my experience tells me it will probably be the whole six months. Before my ETS there were people getting out for being overweight and the process took everybit that long and in some cases longer.

As for feeling guilty and/or dissapointed, don't. I know it will sound cliche' but you are who you are and the military just don't allow transpeople to serve openly. I surpressed who I was the whole time and believe me I would not suggest doing it. That was harder and worst than Basic Training.

[skin]

That is definitely what I plan on.  I figure they will wait the whole six months until starting the discharge process and then that will take months on top of the limdu period.  I just really hope I am wrong.

[Jess42]

I do to. Just be prepared for rumors, possible "dumb" duty to where every little BS thing they want done will be on you and catching a lot of crap from your peers. People will be people and in groups they can be extremely viscious in trying to fit in that groups. Mob mentality you know. If ever you get down during the process and need to talk or vent or cuss or just cream, in all capital letter, I'm here for ya'.