You have to be a woman first before you transition

[angelats]

One Transwoman once told me:
"You have to be a woman first before you transition".
What do you think? Is transition, hrt, srs, ffs only correction of how i look like?

[Anna++]

I think I see what she was trying to say.  If you have any doubt over who you are or what you want out of transitioning then you should hold off and work on those issues first that way you don't have regrets later.

[Ltl89]

Well, it depends on how one looks at it.  At the very least you should be certain that transitioning is right for you.  Whether you identify as a woman before or after, you should be prepared to live as one if you are going to transition and present as a female.   Some people can't see themselves as a woman until after they transition and some see themselves as one before.  So, I don't think that is a pre-requisite.  Nonetheless, you should be consider whether you'd like to live as girl for the rest of your life and if you'd be happy about that.  If not, then you should heavily consider whether transitioning is right for you.  One's overall happiness is all that matters in my opinion when deciding whether to transition. 

[peky]

A girl is a human female that develops emotional and physical to be a woman, and in doing so more often than not she adopts the roles ascribe to her by the society she happens to live in.

Most of us reach a point in our lives -whether is at 4 or 65 years of age- that we cannot longer deny or hide our femaleness...we embrace our femaleness and then we transition

[JoanneB]

This extremely rule bound person says that is all BS!

If your definition of a 'Woman' is an anorexic fashion model.... well then maybe. If your definition is more like mine of seeing regular everyday women around you at the checkout line of the grocery store then you know women come in all shapes and sizes, all with varying degrees of 'Masculine' features.

They feel and know they are women.

I found during my struggle of taking on the T beast is that self confidence brought about by loosing the shame and guilt built up over years of trying to life up another standard can carry you further and all the $$$$ spent on surgeries. If you do need them to gain the confidence then OK.

The main point here is there is no universal 'Cook Book" path for every/anyone to follow. Like all things in life you need to find what works for you, keeping in mind there are no 'Magic pills' to fix things. It takes hard work and buckets of tears

[Northern Jane]

In my simplistic view at the time, a woman IS female so I couldn't be a woman until then, as much as I felt I should have been a woman. With transition and SRS, I became a woman, though I still had a lot to learn and would develop a great deal as a woman in the following years.

[angelats]

@Anna!
"I think I see what she was trying to say.  If you have any doubt over who you are or what you want out of transitioning then you should hold off and work on those issues first that way you don't have regrets later."

Great advice, thank you! That is exactly what i am trying to do.

[angelats]

@learningtolive
"Nonetheless, you should be consider whether you'd like to live as girl for the rest of your life and if you'd be happy about that.  If not, then you should heavily consider whether transitioning is right for you."

Thank you, great post.

[angelats]

@Peky
"Most of us reach a point in our lives -whether is at 4 or 65 years of age- that we cannot longer deny or hide our femaleness...we embrace our femaleness and then we transition".


Thank you for your wonderful input.

To be or not be female is the question. What makes a person female? the body? The Feeling? The mindset?

[angelats]

@JoanneB

Definitely a great post, thank you very much for your input.

"The main point here is there is no universal 'Cook Book" path for every/anyone to follow. Like all things in life you need to find what works for you, keeping in mind there are no 'Magic pills' to fix things. It takes hard work and buckets of tears."

If i am a girl then i am just an average one, nothing special, just a girl in the wrong body.

[angelats]

@NorthernJane

i remember a wise lady from meow chat, that coined the term: Crosby, Stills, Nash and the talented one.
Referring to Neil Young. If i remember right this was you.

i feel honored that you answer me. You are wonderful. And you helped so many of us, with your gentle noble heart. And you see truth as you write:

"In my simplistic view at the time, a woman IS female so I couldn't be a woman until then, as much as I felt I should have been a woman. With transition and SRS, I became a woman, though I still had a lot to learn and would develop a great deal as a woman in the following years."

All i can say is to thank you.
Its great to be alive and to meet someone like you.

[Tristan]

Yes that sounds about right. I mean if your a woman your just transitioning your body right? But if your not a woman and you transition your body into a woman's body this could cause problems I would think?

[Donna Elvira]

Well, it depends on how one looks at it.  At the very least you should be certain that transitioning is right for you.  Whether you identify as a woman before or after, you should be prepared to live as one if you are going to transition and present as a female.   .

As so many posts on this forum attest, it is very difficult  to be certain that transitioning is the right path before actually starting to go down that path. Certainty, to the extent that anyone can be certain about anything in this world, comes with deep experience and that's why concepts like RLE exist. Furthemore, there are lot's of testimonials here and elsewhere indicating that even after transitioning physically, it takes serveral years of day to day life as a woman to really fully integrate the new reality.

I would therefore suggest that it is perfectly OK to take the first steps on the path to transition once one is reasonably sure that it is the right path eg. things like hair removal and HRT, but that is is highly advisable to avoid doing anything too radical like surgeries until the degree of confidence that it is indeed the corrct decision is high enough. Regarding this, I would further suggest that GRS should be the very, very last intervention anyone considers doing. 

My two "centimes" worth.
Donna

[Northern Jane]

.... it is indeed the correct decision is high enough. Regarding this, I would further suggest that GRS should be the very, very last intervention anyone considers doing. 

Of course, for some of us, the decision to have surgery is no decision at all regardless of how unsure one is. As soon as it became available, I was gone! I was not going to survive long without it - barely made it at all. It was like being in a room that is on fire. When it gets hot enough, you WILL jump through that window without knowing what is on the other side!

[Cindy]

One of the concepts that we need to understand is the spectrum of gender identity.

I've never had any hesitation in knowing I was female. That was never an issue. My problem was trying to pretend to be male.

It was how to get to the point I'm at now was the work. And the problems were country, era, money, circumstance.

[peky]

What makes a person female? the body? The Feeling? The mindset?

The emerging research data seems to indicate that a center(s) in the brain produces the innate self perception of being female, male, both male and female, and/or neither male nor female.

The dimorphism of the "gender" center(s) seems to be the results of genes and hormones during embryonic, fetal, and perinatal development.

Why  does this innate feeling is so fix and expressed so early in the lives of certain TG individuals, while in others during adolescents, adulthood, and even late adulhood remains to be explained. What makes some transgender folks bi-gender, gender fluid, or a-gender?

I believe the answers will be at hand in 10 or 15 years,,,maybe even sooner

[Tristan]

It's so cool on how informed all of you are on this.

[Northern Jane]

The emerging research data seems to indicate that a center(s) in the brain produces the innate self perception of being female, male, both male and female, and/or neither male nor female.

Long after the fact I often wondered why, as a child, I had such a strong and unshakable conviction that I WAS a girl, a conviction that was so strong that life had to "beat it out of me"! It took until age 8 to put any cracks in that identity and I later wondered how, as a child, I could have been so damned sure of who/what I was.

A few years ago I ran into a very politically-incorrect book "Why Gender Matters" by Dr. Leonard Sax, a book aimed at educators that talks about the differences in development between boys and girls. The book explains the different aspects of how the human brain and social skills develop at different point in time and in different directions throughout childhood and how boys and girls differ in their development paths.

The book answered my question about my own childhood identity. Of course I identified as a girl because my development was typically feminine and that  is also why all my close friends and playmates (up to age 8 ) were girls! It isn't because I hung around  with girls that I turned out feminine but because I was feminine (mentally and emotionally) that I hung around with girls!

Psychologists who deal with Intersex children have long been aware of developmental differences between the sexes and based recommendations on their observed behaviours but gender differences are not "politically correct" because where there is a difference, a great many people tend to label one as superior to the other rather than just accepting "different".

For those who deal with GD later in life, perhaps it is connected to shifting hormone levels?

[Cindy]

Long after the fact I often wondered why, as a child, I had such a strong and unshakable conviction that I WAS a girl, a conviction that was so strong that life had to "beat it out of me"! It took until age 8 to put any cracks in that identity and I later wondered how, as a child, I could have been so damned sure of who/what I was.

A few years ago I ran into a very politically-incorrect book "Why Gender Matters" by Dr. Leonard Sax, a book aimed at educators that talks about the differences in development between boys and girls. The book explains the different aspects of how the human brain and social skills develop at different point in time and in different directions throughout childhood and how boys and girls differ in their development paths.

The book answered my question about my own childhood identity. Of course I identified as a girl because my development was typically feminine and that  is also why all my close friends and playmates (up to age 8 ) were girls! It isn't because I hung around  with girls that I turned out feminine but because I was feminine (mentally and emotionally) that I hung around with girls!

Psychologists who deal with Intersex children have long been aware of developmental differences between the sexes and based recommendations on their observed behaviours but gender differences are not "politically correct" because where there is a difference, a great many people tend to label one as superior to the other rather than just accepting "different".

For those who deal with GD later in life, perhaps it is connected to shifting hormone levels?

I think there is some truth in the shifting hormone levels but also one of the major factors in my mind is the availability of information.
I am seeing increasing numbers of young people question and address their gender (and separate issue) their sexuality. They have access to the IT and the information and resources are there for them, in private, in confidence,. They don't have to break down in front of their family and beg for why they are different. Although I acknowledge the problems many have in coming out to family.

When I realised I was being brought up in the wrong gender no one had information, I had no access to information. My access was my parents and they had no understanding at all.

My primary source of information was pornography - and I think we all know how well trans* issues are addressed in pornography.

Now we have sites like Susan's, we have access to WPATH, ANZPATH etc, we have wiki information and it is still damn hard.

As I have said before and Jane also has said, I have always known I was female, but the process to allow me to be me was not available. We advise people to consult a therapist, when I was growing up there were no such people as gender therapists. If you were engaging in homosexual acts - no matter your gender - you were sent to jail. Great!!

Let us remember, in the recent past rock stars and movie stars could not come out as Gay without destroying their careers. Nowadays it is almost compulsory . True that in some parts of the world it is still a crime against humanity but in civilized countries it isn't.

You have to be a woman first before you transition is the title of the thread. To be blunt would anyone choose this path if they didn't need to?

Cindy

[JoanneB]

You have to be a woman first before you transition is the title of the thread. To be blunt would anyone choose this path if they didn't need to?

Cindy

Not blunt at all. Sharply focused like a LASER beam.