Tired and frustrated

[Bookworm]

This is a sort of rant of sorts. I am out with my mom, but she does not accept it. I know she is worried that I will be okay in life. I know most parents worry about their kids. I am just frustrated because it seems like she wants me to be happy, but she won't help me be happy. Like when we talk trangender seems to be a taboo word. It just seems to start arguments. I am tired of those. I want her to support me in some way. It would be nice to hear from her that things will be okay and I will try to support you. I am just tired of hiding things from her. My brother wont know anytime soon, but there are many times where it is just my mom and I and if I can be even a little girly around her without the scorn it would be nice. Am I crazy for wanting this? I dont think I am, but who knows.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! You're not crazy for wanting understanding, but however long it took you to figure things out, it will probably take your family longer to understand. They don't have the benefit of feeling it as you have, and have to learn everything through you. And right now, that conversation isn't coming easily. It will get better! Hugs, Devlyn

[Jess42]

Bookworm, I don't think you're crazy. Sometimes people are just uncomfortable with transgender issues and become defensive for whatever reson. A lot of us were even uncofortable with them in the beginning. As for acting girly in front of your mom, you could just do subtle things a little at a time to allow her to get used to the "new and improved" you.

[Bookworm]

I know that it will take time. I am just tired of the all all the stress. I broke down for a good 10 mins of my best friend the other day. I know it is normal to break down every once in a while. It was like the flood gates were opened and now that I feel a little better I dont want to go back to the stress. It just builds up until it breaks. I don't want that to happen.

Side note I know but the guy I am now working for does not like gays. He goes on about it being unnatural. It would not be so hard, but he is one of my role models and that hurts more than anything. I don't know. I just wish I could relax. Everyday just adds to the stress. I fee crazy.

[Rachel]

Hugs,

Acceptance is important. Acceptance from those who matter is very important. You are not crazy.

Role models, perhaps having a few would be helpful. Are there any female role models you can associate with?

[Bookworm]

At the moment any I do have are not really helping much

[Jess42]

I know that it will take time. I am just tired of the all all the stress. I broke down for a good 10 mins of my best friend the other day. I know it is normal to break down every once in a while. It was like the flood gates were opened and now that I feel a little better I dont want to go back to the stress. It just builds up until it breaks. I don't want that to happen.

Side note I know but the guy I am now working for does not like gays. He goes on about it being unnatural. It would not be so hard, but he is one of my role models and that hurts more than anything. I don't know. I just wish I could relax. Everyday just adds to the stress. I fee crazy.

Unfortunately living in stealth you will always hear things like this. If it offends you, casually say something to try to coax acceptance from them. They probably won't change too much but it might open their mind a little about it. Too often people are ignorant of others and probably never met any actual gay people, or at least he thinks anyway. Just tell him you have a really good friend or family member that is gay and it kind of hurts you when he says negative things. On a psychological level this bring him closer by asociation to gays and more aware of hurtful things he may say. It may work and it may not but at the very least he wil probably not say those things in front of you.

[Emily Aster]

I agree with Jess on this. As long as you don't counter what he's saying, he's just going to assume that you agree with him and keep doing it. I'm also pretty sure that anti-gay speech in any workplace (in the states at least), is grounds for HR and/or legal action. If he thinks you're offended by it, his need for a paycheck may outweigh his opinions.

[Elle16]

Have you talked with your mom about how you might move forward in transition? I think getting things clear and making sure your parents know that you have to DO this in order to live your life properly!

Breaking down happens all the time, I regularly feel upset but I try to tell myself getting through the hard days is the only bad part of this process  it's about moving forward and accepting you need to do this and you know it. Maybe acting as yourself will make your mom feel uncomfortable at first but if you ease her into the new you she will be accepting in time, I'm sure.

Mom's are pretty clued up when it comes to all this - maybe she needs time and will get there eventually

xx

[Ltl89]

I understand how you feel.  It can take time for parents to come around.  I wouldn't expect full support or acceptance in the very beginning.  They need to adjust before it becomes comfortable for them.