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Should I come out to parents? Is the time right?

Started by Jen♀, June 25, 2013, 02:18:54 AM

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Jen♀

Well, long story short (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,142341.0.html for the long story :P) I think I may be MTF transgender/transsexual. I have only told my girlfriend about my feelings and cross-dressing practices thus far. In my previous post on the forums I was suggested to talk to a gender therapist by numerous people. The trouble is that I am still a teenager. I don't have a job yet, or a car... There's really no way I can secretly make an appointment at this point in my life. My parents would have to set it up and pay for it. So this kind of forces me to tell them about my possible transgenderedness if I would like to visit a specialist before going off to college (I just have my senior year of high school left). I would like to talk to a professional, and I do believe my parents will be supportive. I would even predict they would allow me to buy my own female clothes and jewelry if it meant I could discover myself and find where I'm comfortable. And coming out to my girlfriend was so good-feeling and relieving it kind of made me more eager to tell my parents.
So, would you suggest I come out now and start seeing a therapist a.s.a.p.? Or hold off, see a therapist on my own time in the future (it would probably have to be in my freshman year of college, so a little under two years), and come out to them when I'm more certain of my feelings?
Thanks! :)
(p.s. I just noticed this "coming-out " forum is under "Transitioning", so I'm sorry if I'm posting in the wrong area :/)
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Agenda Dysphoria

Sooner is better than later. If you feel the time is right and that your parents will react well, I'd say you should tell them! The sooner you tell them, the earlier you can start transitioning, and transitioning while you are still a teen is always good I suppose. But don't base your judgement on my opinion, only tell them if you feel you should. I'm not sure if this is breaking the rule about minors posting their ages or not, so in the future try not to imply that you are minor :)
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Jen♀

First off, I'm sorry for possibly breaking the rules... :x
Second of all, I did it! We were discussing some other things and I figured the chance may not pass again, so I just decided to come out then. At first my mom was pretty frozen... My dad was the first to ask some questions. My mom really didn't say much and eventually they both cried... But my dad reassured me that they would love me no matter what. Also, that night and into today my mom has started to overcome the initial shock and has brought it up a few times. My dad too has called me (they are divorced) and talked as he normally would, and that night he called and once again reassured me that he would love me no matter what. We're going to set up an appointment to see a therapist too.
After I told them and my dad left, my mom went out alone for a bit. I felt pretty sick to my stomach and started having feelings of denial and regret (although the feelings have started to die down). Is this normal?
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Agenda Dysphoria

Quote from: mwandishi on June 26, 2013, 11:36:59 PM
After I told them and my dad left, my mom went out alone for a bit. I felt pretty sick to my stomach and started having feelings of denial and regret (although the feelings have started to die down). Is this normal?

I felt the same way after I told my parents. Sometimes I regret telling them, but I just tell myself that it was necessary
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xchristine

I believe that is something you need to do if
You believe you won't jeopardize yourself..
Immediate family will always find out ...
So its best to not let them have surprises
If your body attitude needs wants emotions
Face change.. they are than armed
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dpadgett628

I agree, there is an initial shock when coming out for you as well. It's normal and it will die down. I've always thought that it was a person's way of fully admitting to themselves what is going on. But that's just how it was for me when I came out.

It seems that they have had a pretty positive reaction so far, just be patient with them and everything sounds like it will turn out how you want it too :)
"The future I'm living now, is not what I'd thought it'd be. The person I was before, is nothing like me. The future I'm living now, is the way I want it to be." -Sick Puppies

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smile_jma

Technically 18, 19yro is still a teenager and legally an adult.. I know you said you're still in HS, but for all we care, you could've started late ;)  hehe..

I saw one once when I was 17 or so without my parents knowing and there wasn't any issue. Just paid cash...Apparently money talks. But that was the only time I ever spoke with one, maybe not the best idea, but its worked for me.

Good job on telling them, though. I still haven't told anyone face to face. Someone says I told her face to face...but I don't remember it. Every other person in the know has been told electronically (except for the doc giving me the meds). So sad.
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Jen♀

Thanks for the support everybody :D
I haven't responded until now, but I do want to say that I saw all the responses days ago and you all are helping me get through this kind of stressful and confusing period :) more of my immediate family now knows (parents, brother, his girlfriend, and one set of uncle and auntie whom are psychologists). It's been sort of a relief for me with some of them knowing... My brother and his girlfriend were really okay with it, his perception of me and how he acts around me hasn't changed at all; if anything he's been acting closer with me. His girlfriend is actually already friends with two transgender people, so yeah... No prejudice with her either :P I haven't seen my uncle and auntie yet (my mom told them) but I'm not too too nervous about that considering they're psychologists and would understand what I'm dealing with... They are actually the ones who found a therapist for me. I think I feel pretty good about my dad knowing too; I still feel kind of meh when I think about my mom knowing cause she definitely took it the hardest... But I can't really complain, I mean, after reading other stories of people who came out I think things are going beyond okay.
Just an added note: I will be seeing a therapist for the first time very early in August, so.. yep!
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