How many of you have told your BF or Fianace?

[Jess]

I was curious how many of you have told your BF or Fiance that you were a transwoman?  The first guy I had sex with didn't know. I told him I needed to use lube, but that was because I was dry. Being a guy, he was clueless why I was dry and he helped me lube up     When he first saw me nude, he saw me as a woman. 2 breasts, flat stomach, vagina, and smooth legs. Of course I was wearing make -up since we just went out for the night and assumed I was a genetic girl. He loved that I was "tight" and making love was good for him.

He and I were "best freinds with benefits" for a while, but nothing serious. The first guy I actually dated, I told him and he didn't believe me. I did a private strip tease for him and even still he didn't beleive me. An old picture of me finally convinced him, but he loves me for the woman I am now, not the boy I once was.

Jess

[Jess]

Matilda,

I too am a Woman with a transsexual history, maybe I should have phrased it differently, but the term transwoman seems to be widely used and  accpeted also, sorry if I seemed to offend you.

[Northern Jane]

I considered myself "transsexual" before surgery. But that was cured. Now 35 year just a woman.

In my younger years, I never told anybody. I was pretty wild and there were "a few" men (don't ask for a definition of "a few" because I wont say!  ) I didn't tell my first husband and he didn't find out until after we split. I told my second husband and he was great about it. I dated a bit a few years ago and if things were getting hot and heavy, I would talk about my childhood - POOF! Gone like smoke! Now I don't even go into ancient history. 35 year after the fact, it is irrelevant .

[gothique11]

O_o I feel very stuck on what I should really do in these situations. To tell or not. 

[Starveil]

I'm on the other side of the fence - being the boyfriend.

My girlfriend was surprisingly open about it - we got along amazingly on our first encounter at work (not a date), and she told me the third time we met (also at work, a few days later).

She also clued me in on the fact that there are very, very few people she does confide in. I'm actually the only one outside of her immediate family (parents and siblings). The others don't need to know, and I fully agree with her. The only reason she chose to confide in me, was because we get along so amazingly well.

There will always be people who believe 'they have the right to know' or 'you have the duty to tell'. You don't. You have the right to tell, and that's as far as it goes. It does make things a lot easier in certain circumstances. Dilating for example: my girlfriend is nearly a year post op, almost to the day. She *has* to dilate every day. Try explaining that when you haven't confided in your significant other.

[tekla]

I've never been all that sold on 'relationships are founded on honesty' half seem to be built on lies.  But I'm a firm believer in the notion that you can't ask of someone else, what you are not willing to give yourself. 

So sure, he's working late at the office.  Yeah, that works.

[jade]

It really depends on the person but most guys don't want to know.
Once you tell, it ruins everything, they never look at you the same.
If you can get away with it, just don't bother telling.
Its a lot smoother that way.

[pretty pauline]

It really depends on the person but most guys don't want to know.
Once you tell, it ruins everything, they never look at you the same.
If you can get away with it, just don't bother telling.
Its a lot smoother that way.

I couldnd agree more, I tolded a former boyfriend many years ago and he dump me, told my present BF, we delayed our marriage, but we're still together, just about.

Im a woman with a trans history, but its history, nothing else.

p

[Shana]

I told my then boyfriend, now husband, from the outset. But I was pre-op at the time so it would have been fairly obvious once/if things progressed. He has been extremely supportive. We have been together over ten years with no signs of quitting yet.. 

And after surgery I am trans no longer.. Just a lady with a quirky past

[finewine]

I would tend to agree that it's entirely up to you when and whether you disclose.  It may be difficult to permanently conceal your medical history from a life partner.

If it's a strong, close relationship (which it should be with a life partner), why would you want to live with an unexploded bomb?

When it comes to disclosure, there are other scenarios that can be equally uncomfortable.  Assuming prior knowledge, when does one disclose about infertility or herpes etc.?   Note that I'm not comparing the various conditions, just that they all involve  a choice between a difficult conversation now or a potential bombshell later.

"I hoped you wouldn't notice" is going to sound inordinately lame.

[Natasha]

hubby knows.  we've known each other for a long time.

Identification of those who have fully transitioned as "trans-anything" is at best demeaning and at worst deceptive.

[Dorothy]

I've been with 3 blokes since my GRS.  I didn't tell them anything because there was nothing to tell.  I'm a woman & they were guys and we wanted to have a good time which we did. 

There's this guy though that I've been dating for a month.  He's different. I like him a lot. I think I'm falling for him.  There hasn't been anything intimate between us yet.  I'll have to think long & hard if I decide to tell him anything but there isn't any guarantee that I will.

[Butterfly]

Does my BF know my past?  He does but that's because we met before I had GRS.  If I were single & looking, I wouldn't say a word to anyone.

Once all surgery is completed you are no longer TS but the sex you were meant to be. By needing to divulge the past, its the same as admitting you are still the former gender in some respect.

I'm not, never was & never will be a male. and refuse to tell people that I was. and the few moments I might have enjoyed whilst in the body of a male are not enough to validate the life I've had to this point. I was screwed out of girlhood, and years of womanhood.  I see nothing desirable to look back on and say "this was me," because it was not.  If anything, I was born with a birth defect.  I was born female with all the wrong parts.