Expectations of a man

[Joanna Dark]

Being able to get away with looking bad isn't a social advantage, it's to balance things out for having a restricted wardrobe with limited clothing expression in comparison to the other sex, for being uncapable of wearing make-up without facing public ridicule, along with a lot of other factors. It simply wouldn't be fair for the same expectations regarding appearence to be equal for men and women... A woman has a pimple? She covers it up with make-up... a man has a pimple? He sucks it up or risks listening to snarky remarks for wearing make-up.

The reason men have a seriously restricted wardrobe is because the overwhelming majority of me could care less about fashion. And when there are nice clothes in a store, somethig I might wear, almost all men would scoff at wearing it. And the makeup thing too is because men don't want to. It's by choice, not design. We live in a very capitalistic country and if there were a market for what you described there would be a supplier.

To me that sounds almost dellusional and insulting to most men and women... I don't think people are hired based on what they look like, nor that whoever is hiring people for a specific job is necessarily interested in who they're hiring, that sounds almost disgusting... there's a point in life where people settle down to raise a family and don't really care what their coworkers look like as long as they're competent? I don't think high school mentalities really stick around with most individuals? People have their own relationships and won't be forever seeking to surround themselves with good-looking people, come on...

People are most certainly hired for what thye look like in addition to skills. If you don't look right, you better be better then the best. Good looking people have it easier. This is pretty much a fact.

[Alainaluvsu]

The way you start your post almost makes it seem like an impossible debate... it's discouraging to discuss anything with anyone who starts by stating that their opinion is a fact. =/

It is not, I'll give it an attempt at explaining why...

This is the worst arguement possible. "Men get to look like crap and nobody will say anything"... Is this really an advantage? Who seriously wants to look "raggedy"? Is that supposed to comfort anyone born in the male sex? Perhaps some appreciate it but I'm sure most men out there want to look their best and feel as desirable as their female counterparts. Being able to get away with looking bad isn't a social advantage, it's to balance things out for having a restricted wardrobe with limited clothing expression in comparison to the other sex, for being uncapable of wearing make-up without facing public ridicule, along with a lot of other factors. It simply wouldn't be fair for the same expectations regarding appearence to be equal for men and women... A woman has a pimple? She covers it up with make-up... a man has a pimple? He sucks it up or risks listening to snarky remarks for wearing make-up. I'm sure most people like to feel attractive and cover their flaws... men aren't given as much option regarding this as women are, therefore men have to be cut some slack.

Me, as a person, regardless of what gender I identify with, want to look good. Is it not fulfilling for most people to feel they are good-looking? It is a human need, not a gendered one.

I always wanted to express my own individuality and to seem pleasant to the eye; women have a lot more tools at their disposal for accomplishing this. I got shunned for waxing my legs as a teen, but the fact is that I was simply trying to be comfortable with myself. Of course that on the other side you have women that will get laughed at if their legs are hairy... my opinion? A man should be able to be as pretty as a woman if he desired to, a man should be able to get rid of every single hair on his body if that's what he aspires to, a woman should be entitled to have a forest under her arm-pits if that's what she wanted. It's basically freedom of expression. Just don't tell men "being able to look raggedy" is something to be thankful for, when most of us know how fun it is to get all dolled up. I will stress again that feeling attractive is a human need, not a gendered one, so men should groom themselves all they want if it makes them feel good and fulfilled. Men have a lot less to look forward to when it comes to pampering themselves and feeling good about themselves... Some men are okay with this, some are not; people are people, not genders. The way I see it, things come down to whether you feel good expressing femininity, masculinity or a blend of both.

The point is, nobody cares if a guy has a pimple or a wart growing on the side of his face. If a girl does, it's cause for all sorts of self doubt. Furthermore, I'd like to offer a theory that men can't wear makeup or be feminine because it's perceived to be awkward to lower yourself to being the weaker of the sexes. Men can look and dress well, but it's not nearly expected to look great as a guy. It absolutely is expected for a girl.

I'd like to point out though, that gender expression is becoming more easier for men. It's quite alright for men to be hairless. I've never known men to get picked on for it if that's what they wanted. Now, if they went on to BRAG about it, then yes, they'll get picked on. It seems to me that as a guy, having vanity and expressing vanity is where the line is drawn.

I think that's a huge exaggeration... there are problems, but I don't think any gender is antagonized that dramatically. Have you ever wondered why women are taken "less seriously" in their workplace? It's to do with the false assumption that they're more emotional beings, whereas men are more likely to suck it up, "be men" and "man their way through it". Men inspire more confidence in workplaces, which is absurd if you ask me... Like I said, people are people, there's a lot of women who're better leaders and more competent than men at any given task and vice-versa. The thing is men are emotional creatures too and if society acknowledged that fact as much as it does with women, there'd be less gender-stereotyping and stupid assumptions being made. Now, it must be stressed that only certain profiles are capable of holding positions of leadership, because they generally involve more masculine traits, such as dominance, power, assertiveness and such. Women can and possess these traits, it's just sort of expected that men are more likely to possess them because society lives on the pathetic assumption that masculinity = men and femininity = women.

I would respect fellow co-workers regardless of their gender and try to make no assumptions of their personality, however, it's a bit of an automated process to question their seriousness if they were say, for example, parading themselves around the office in revealing clothing, which women are much more likely to get away with. I hate generalizations but, to my eyes, it's a little undeniable that women are way more free to exert their sensuality to get ahead and gain attention, whereas men tend to have to downplay themselves and rely solely on their skills. Again, I'm not saying this is commonplace or not, I'm a student and never worked in my life, but the impression I have of society as a whole is that women have the option to exploit their sensuality to get ahead way more than men do, and as such, a whole gender loses a certain amount of credibility. I think it's a defensive mechanism to respond to the way society works...

I used to think like this - until I lived it.

BTW are you on estrogen? It DOES make you more emotional. I used to be a brick wall, until I got mad... then I'd blow up for 15 minutes and I'm back on my game. Now? I tend to worry a lot more. I tend to watch my back more. I also tend to think hard about what others say and wonder how what I do affects them. It's much harder to suck up. So we are basically picked on for our biochemistry. You list the stereotypes, they're there. They're things that we DO have to fight.

As far as displaying sexuality, that's a very fine line with women. You're likely to get away with flaunting your sexuality around men if you do it correctly. However, do it too obviously and it's a turn off. Furthermore, you can kiss them taking you seriously goodbye if that's the tact you take. Do it around women and they'll respect you MUCH less. But a man? They can make all the crass remarks they want! Let a girl talk about nasty stuff in the office... it'll ruin their reputation, whereas men get away with a simple apology and "they're just being men".

To me that sounds almost dellusional and insulting to most men and women... I don't think people are hired based on what they look like, nor that whoever is hiring people for a specific job is necessarily interested in who they're hiring, that sounds almost disgusting... there's a point in life where people settle down to raise a family and don't really care what their coworkers look like as long as they're competent? I don't think high school mentalities really stick around with most individuals? People have their own relationships and won't be forever seeking to surround themselves with good-looking people, come on...

lol... Yeah, okay. Actually, when I was living as a male, one of my previous employers actually told me that he didn't hire an attractive looking woman because he didn't want his wife to throw a fit over it. Here's a short and interesting read on the subject: http://www.thekey2.net/blog/why_are_women_so_hard_on_other_women_at_work_106s99#.UdEmy_msjvY

Think about this: Let somebody find out your sex at work and get fired for it. Stew on that for a while and come back and tell me that looks and gender don't matter in the workplace. It's happened to me.

I think it's more that people are ruthless, rather than women being ruthless... There's good and bad people in both genders, it's not strictly a problem with women. Men are just as competitive in my experience, just the modus operandi of each sex is different because of their roles in society.

I guess. A man is much more upfront about their intentions, that's for sure.

You're basically implying all men are whores -.- That's not been my experience... so many guys just want to settle down with one person and aren't on an everlasting chase for the perfect woman... *sigh* But whatever. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but will a guy who's in love really keep looking for other girls just because they might be more attractive than the person he loves? I don't know, maybe it happened to you or your experiences have been frustrating, but everyone has feelings, regardless if they're men or women, and that's what drives them... perhaps if someone moves away from you and onto someone else it's because there was no chemistry in the first place...

No, I'm not implying that ALL men are whores. I'm implying that enough of them are that it makes things the way that they are for us. You're the one that said women can express their sexuality to lead men on. Why do you think that is?

How about detransition? If not, I don't really think you "wish you were a guy". People (specially cis) say they wish they were the opposite sex far too frequently and far too unaware of the global picture... the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

There are gay guys, there are masculine guys, there are feminine guys, there are guys who want to be strong, there are guys who want to be next to someone strong. Some have it easier than others in our society, a "guy" is an abstract concept, because they're essentially people and being human is what's hard, not being a gender.

I'm not sure if my views are a bit radical, I hope not... but I do not see myself as a "woman" or a "man", I am not a box, I see myself as a person with feminine tendencies that must live as a woman to be able to fit the molds of society and coexist at peace with everyone else without receiving weird looks. I think it's a mistake to see people as women or men, because everyone is unique and nobody should make assumptions about what satisfies anyone or grants them fulfillment. I don't know how one can feel they are a "gender", I just feel me.

I'm more comfortable as a woman, which in turn should make me one, but that's not what I'm trying to be; I feel it's too dull and empty to only aspire to becoming a gender. I think we all are a lot more than that =)

LOL!! Detransition won't help, it'll make it worse. Hell, I can't even pass as a guy if I wanted to!

As you (probably) know, we are who we are. We can't help what we feel comfortable being. I spent 29 years as a male and wanted to die for a good 20 years of it. At least now I can be who I am, which is a female. That makes me never want to transition again. Being seen and lumped in with the guys is just demeaning and disgusting to me. But I do wish I was comfortable being a guy, because it IS easier. The social expectations are a lot less stressful. I think a lot of girls here just don't see it because they're either pre transition or ... hate to say it ... perhaps the outside world sees them as a guy in a dress and they're okay with that - so anything goes. Me? Every time I admit about my last position (telephony technician), people are in disbelief. Thank God I don't fix cars, because nobody would probably let me touch a tire.

Almost every woman I've ever met, whether they knew I was trans or not, told me they wish they were born a guy. At first I thought they were crazy, but about 4 months or so things started to change. I started seeing the every day crap that women go through when trying to actually compete in the workforce or in the social world a year ago. The realities started sinking in about February or so, that in exchange for it being harder to be taken seriously, being stereotyped as some frail, emotional, unstable creature that is willing to bitch somebody out because the AC is too cold, etc, we get doors held open for us and men carry heavy crap for us. Thank God I don't have a period is all I have to say...

The world as a whole sees gender. What we see is irrelevant to the difficulties we face as one gender or the other (or something inbetween). But in my honest opinion as somebody who has seen many things as purely male, and seen many things as purely female, is that living life as a female is definitely a lot more challenging than a male. Huge changes have happened over the course of a civilization, but we're still not equal yet.

[Alainaluvsu]

I think women can lift as well as men. But there are some physiological differences that make it more difficult for women to lift heavier objects. I will lift and carry when I need to, but only according to my capacity. Men just can naturally carry more than I can!

When I was younger, I also hated being stereotyped because of my appearance. Now it is almost expected (willingly or unwillingly) that men carry first before me. I hated carrying things in the past, not because it was a chore, but it was somehow a sexual trait that wasn't obvious in my own very being!

I guarantee it's not psychological. Testosterone creates an anabolic effect in the muscles, causing them to grow faster than they would in people without testosterone. It is possible for a female to get bulk and strong etc etc, but it takes twice the strength training a male would require to get the same effect.

However, not many women are going to want to go through that, because muscles aren't cute. Go figure, right?

[Heather]

To me that sounds almost dellusional and insulting to most men and women... I don't think people are hired based on what they look like, nor that whoever is hiring people for a specific job is necessarily interested in who they're hiring, that sounds almost disgusting... there's a point in life where people settle down to raise a family and don't really care what their coworkers look like as long as they're competent? I don't think high school mentalities really stick around with most individuals? People have their own relationships and won't be forever seeking to surround themselves with good-looking people, come on...

Now I read the part where you said you never have worked. But if you don't think that people including men are hired based on looks you are sadly mistaken. There has been countless studies that show how much life is easier when your attractive and that includes getting jobs. And trust me the high school mentality does stick around in a whole lot of adults. In fact I would say most people never leave that mentality. Sure as something's change but really as the old saying goes the more things change the more they stay the same.

[Tristan]

It's true. How we look plays on if we get a interview, hired or a raise. I know I have been told before its part of the reason I got my raises

[BunnyBee]

You are speaking the truth, Alainaluvsu, even if it's a little harsh.  I'm not going to add anything, because I mostly agree.  If you live in a world where being a girl is not harder than being a guy, you must be in a different universe than me.  I love being a girl, but things about it can be really difficult and infuriating.  I wouldn't be any other way, I just wish the world could be.

[Carlita]

It's easier to live as a man, period.

If a man looks raggedy he can get away with it without being chastised by both genders. Let a girl walk in a room wearing something that makes her look fat. Oh, and if a woman can't get a man in todays society, she can at least make it - but she can almost expect to have a mediocre career that IS somewhat based on looks, where men will not take her seriously and women will target her to take her down if she is better at what she does than everybody else.
As a man, I could go in and interview and almost expect to walk away with a job. As a woman, I'm hoping it's a guy that thinks I'm attractive. If it's a woman, then she'll likely find a man, if it's a married man, then he'll more than likely pick the lady that his wife isn't going to be threatened by if I'm working with him on a day to day basis, if the interviewer thinks I'm unattractive, they'll probably throw my resume away just because women are suppose to uphold a standard of attractiveness.

HUH?? As a matter of fact, young women are now the majority of university graduates, and the majority of new lawyers, doctors and accountants. The highest paid executive in the UK last year was a woman, and she made around $25m. I'm not saying women have it easy, or don't face pressures - particularly over having children - that guys don't face. But they can and do succeed on the basis of being good at their job. (And guys have their pressures, too). But anyway ...

I have a very beautiful daughter who's currently at college studying medicine. If she makes it as a doctor, it won't be because of her looks, it'll be because she worked her ass off for six years getting qualified and then another bunch more being a junior doctor. And I don't know what it's like where you live, but in the UK all newly-graduated doctors are ranked, based entirely on a points system determined by exam results, additional work, publication/research record, etc. It's that ranking that determines how good a job they get. And guess what, 'being pretty' isn't one of the criteria.

All that said, of course it's true that it really matters, in society as a whole for women to look good and dress well,  not least because other women are so incredibly judgemental about one another's appearance and style. But good-looking guys have always tended to get better grades at school and college and have better career prospects, so it works both ways. And with every year that passes, the pressure on men to conform to impossible stereotypes of physical perfection is getting stronger, so that's soon going to be as tough for them as it is for women.

FWIW, I worry MUCH more about my son's life-chances than I do about his sisters'. He's been through an education system that, from the very first years of junior school, is totally dominated by female teachers and seems strongly geared to suit girls, rather than boys. (Hence the huge preponderance of female graduates over male). True, that's just making up for the advantages boys and men used to have. But it's sad that his generation of guys are having to pay the price for all the advantages that previous generations of men have enjoyed. Because the pendulum is swinging. And it's not heading towards the Y-chromosome.

PS: I spent my whole education in boys-only schools and felt totally out of place until I started getting to know girls and could hang out with them all the time I wasn't in class. I've never been 'one of the lads', hate any kind of stag-night, and can barely knock a nail into a wall. My only 'boy' thing is that I've always been keen on sport. I was always super-competitive ... looking back I think it was basically a survival instinct. Just way of not getting the ->-bleeped-<- kicked out of me for being different.

[BunnyBee]

I'm sure it does depend somewhat on the profession, and I can see the medical field being less apt to discriminate based on looks, but if you think that doesn't happen even there, and I mean on a subconscious level, then... Idk.  In 90% of professions though, how you look makes a huge difference in your career.  Not that you can't do well if you look not so great, but on average, it's much harder.

And it does effect men too, but all they need is to be tall and handsome and not dumb and they will get jobs and climb the ladder faster than anybody else.  And with the right type A alpha-male personality how a man looks doesn't even matter much.  For women, it's a bigger deal, plus you have the kind of dynamics alainaluvsu was talking about, where how you need to be and look varies depending on which decision-maker you encounter.  And if you have a type A personality as a woman, you're seen as a bitch and it doesn't help in the same way it helps men.

I am coming from a US perspective, maybe y'all are more enlightened in Europe.  If so, awesome, I'm jealous.

[Shantel]

It seems like you ladies all have varied experiences when it comes to this topic, it may have a lot to do with the particular age groups you are identifying with, as well as demographics. I live in the PNW and it seems to me that maybe 4 out of every 10 women 30 and over really take an interest in how they look, the rest don't seem to care and I dare say that's true for the men as well. I'm noticing though that a higher percentage of the younger females aged 16 into late 20's not only try to be well dressed girly-girls, but excel over the boys scholastically and hold really exceptional GPS's and are headed for a successful professional life. Half the guys in that age group are HS dropouts dress like slobs and wind up in construction jobs, the rest aren't nearly as pro-active about their futures as are the young women.

[BunnyBee]

I wish it weren't so rainy and cold up there.  I love how people in the pnw think about things in general

[Joanna Dark]

In regards to school, the advantage clearly goes to women who are excelling in almost every academic field. It's actually kind of annoying when I see all these commericals about helping poor, poor girls when it is boys who need the help. But it ends there. In elementary school.

For my graduating class in college in the School of Communications and Theatre (I know it's not math. Blech.) I was the only MAAB person who graduated Summa Cum Laude and each year they made me take a picture with the other high-achieving students who were all women. (And I was still made to stad in the front because they were all taller then me too. I can't win! JK)

But in your professional career things certainly change. Looks do matter and the taller you are as a guy the better. Which isn't good for me. Well I guess that doesn't apply so much anymore lol but it did. I was in a pretty female-dominated field (magazine editing) so that didn't matter much but if I was in sales or computers I think it would matter a lot more. Almost all studies say taller guys are more successful.  I once applied as a quarry and they laughed me out of the office. Looks matter. A lot. But as long as your tall as a guy and not a small, femme person, you're golden. Women have to be pretty (and wear makeup all the time whether they want to or not but honestly most want to.) They CAN'T be fat. That's a huge no no in a way that is just not true for men. And you are going to have to work much, much harder to get ahead but this might not be as true in certain fields. Get ready to be dismissed and have someone else's opinion that is the same as your's praised.

Obviously being a man is easier and better. And if you can do that and be happy and comfortable and successful, you prolly should. I would. I tried and I ended up so miserable.

But it comes down to this: Men grow up expecting to be the hero of their own story. Women grow up expecting to be the supporting actress in somebody else's. How many stories have a female lead and a male supporting character? It is so pervasive in stories written by women employ this. Usually in the form of trashy fiction. There are exceptions but really most stories and films revolve around a man and the woman is there to help the man achieve his dreams, not hers.

[Tristan]

Don't forget guys
Alot off jobs these days do depend on how they look too

[Carrie Liz]

You know, girls, the more that you sigh and say "Oh well, life is tough, that guy is probably going to get the job because he's a man and it's so hard for women," the more it will become true. Because when you start thinking like that, it saps your personal confidence, and you start internalizing these beliefs to the point where other people see that you're almost not expecting to get the job, and that lack of confidence ends up sabotaging your credentials.

That is the #1 thing that way too many women lack... confidence. They don't truly believe that they can be as good. And the more they believe it, the more it becomes true. Seriously. That's the gender difference. When guys are good at something, they know that they are good at it, and they aren't afraid to be proud of their skills. Where sometimes it seems like all women ever do is downplay themselves.

I saw it all through high school and college, and I'm still seeing it now. Come on, girls, don't buy into that crap. You're every bit as talented and capable as any man is, just as deserving of getting any job, and you know it. And if you don't, then you've already given up before even giving yourself a chance.

[Carrie Liz]

What if you can't help it?? Like if you just never had confidence, you always doubted yourself, and people always responded to that by making you feel even more incapable.... and you just get terrified of responsibility cause you might ruin it and then they'd hate you...

Sometimes I think for some people it's impossible to be strong... myself included  I envy men's confidence so much...

That is something called the "curse of the good girl." Look into it. It's a serious problem in this country among middle-class white families, where girls are raised in environments that teach them that the number one virtue in life is to be seen by others as "good." Which means that the number one thing they are always worried about is the approval of others. And when that happens, no sense of self-worth develops. It's all about how others see you and how others perceive you, and you're afraid to take risks and afraid of disappointing others and eventually it comes to the point where you have no self-confidence.

This is something that SERIOUSLY has to change. And again, it's all about the problem of deriving your own self-worth from others. Where in the professional world, if you don't have a strong sense of conviction, and you're constantly doubting yourself because others don't agree with you, let's face it, you're toast.

And I'm only saying this because I find myself falling into the EXACT same trap, and I only can tell you about it because I went looking for books on the topic to help me figure out how to have more self-confidence. And now that I recognize what's going on, it disgusts me every time I see it.

[BunnyBee]

As trans women we have all proven that you can overcome things not being laid out perfectly for you.  That doesn't change that they weren't though, nor does it mean that you shouldn't fight for things to be more equal.  Things are def getting better and that is why we need to keep pushing.  Some time from now I think it will become more even.  I think that is why there is such a backlash against feminists in certain circles—they can see the writing on the wall.

And that good girl syndrome or whatever, idk how I got that cause I sure wasn't taught it, well maybe from my dad cause he was kind of controllingish, but omg can I identify with how you describe it.  I would also love to just have some confidence in myself.

So how do you become not just the good girl if it's how you built your value system  Like how do you escape that kind of conditioning? Can you even re-condition yourself...?

I want to... but at the same time the approval of others is like a potent drug as much as it is a prison... it's like my entire reward system and I crave it so much. I don't know if I can live without that release of feeling "good" or pretty or lovable to people in my life...

And sometimes I think maybe it's just me, not only my conditioning, cause my dad and his family did condition me like that and I know it but also my sister didn't turn out like me with this problem...

Whoa that is awesomely written and I identify with it so much... D:

[Sammy]

Yes, You actually can re-condition this "good girl syndrome" but You would have to be very careful so not to affect other parts of Your personality. I know one method, because essentially I was raised with the same problem, except my parents did not raise me as good "girl", but I was expect to be nice and calm and most importantly - not to shame them in the eyes of others. Bringing shame, so my mother would suffer was like my worst nightmare for so many years. Essentially, I reconditioned myself when I created my male alter-ego for protection and survival, but this method would not suit anybody here, because, if successful,  it leads into deeper denial mode. However, the approach which I chose back in those days could be probably re-adapted and what I did - I chose a lot of role-models for me and created a whole set of situations and scenarios where my chosen role-models would have different reactions, so if I found myself in one of these scenarios I would simply have to "play the role". I wonder if this could work with successful female role-models? One of the drawbacks which I see - there could probably be less female role-models for "anti-good girl scenarios" as they would for "dangerous boys"...

[Joanna Dark]

I wouldn't say I lack confidence so much as a backbone. People can walk all over me because I am too nice and I try way too hard to get people to like me and when they don't, it really hurts. So I either conform or become a total b!tch. It happens on this forum, it happens in real life it happens in my professional career. I aim to please and I'll get down on my knees if that's what it takes. (OMG not like that get your mind out of the gutter!) Well...nevermind

My sister has the same problem and will overburden herself with all kinds of activities if she is not careful. Anytime I have had to negotiate I have taken my mom as I easily get talked into things. My mom's tough. Growing up in the projects will do that.

But here is a useful guide I have found helpful in the past: http://www.amazon.com/Good-Girls-Guide-Negotiating-Effectively/dp/0712670858

The Good Girl's Guide to Negotiating. It is not juts about getting a better salary or moving up the ladder, it's just about standing up for yourself. And everyone here should give themselves more credit.

@So Over You: You moved far, far away from your home and started transition at 20 years old. You have more strength then you even know. Being trans is toughness.

And yeah obviously it is easier when you pass and thank god I have never had to deal with being clocked cause I would prolly never leave the house again (Thanks boobies) but just being passable doesn't mean you don't have a slew of other problems that need overcoming. In fact it has it's own problems in itself because, for me, now I'm thrust into a world I wasn't socialized into and I am in that world now whether I like it or not. [Tangent sorry].

[Elsa]

Right now it's extremely difficult for me to try being a normal guy and it makes me depressed angry and very irritable. Even if I tried I have way too many feminine mannerisms to be seen as a straight guy.

So far I've been rejected several times in interviews after clearing all their requirements and stuff only to get rejected because they don't like me or the way I look or behave. It really sucks when you know you are more than capable of doing what they ask you to do but reject you simply because they can't take someone seriously. And in my previous job there were too many jokes and comments for me to be able to handle without going insane or coming home crying.

Since I've been trying to transition I've had to pay extra close attention so that I don't do things I could have gotten away with had I been guy.

As a kid I could only get along with a few guys and had to get into fights with them and I wouldn't mind helping with lifting stuff if I could.
Although now I am so weak I can barely lift anything more than 5 kgs, if it weren't for the conditioning I put myself through to defend myself as a kid I don't think I could carry anything heavy at all.

I've always been so bad at sports that I always got passed over or ignored except for soccer which I loved and I played in defence.

[Lilyyy]

i cannot help but be a little feminine at school, mainly around the girls. They always say stuff like "Boy's don't do that," when i do something small like cross my legs coz its comfortable or when i describe my ideal relationship. everyone at school thinks i'm gay because of the way i talk, act, move etc. the boys especially. everyone sees me as a joke and physically and verbally push me around. people say i'm ugly when in reality they have hideous faces and as many of yous know i'm not ugly at all. they say i have a crap body and always say i suit Matina (this obese girl in yr 10 who weighs like 150kg and is really short too). they reckon i'm not worth dating because i'm not masculine and they (like 150 girls) all go for this selection of about 10 boys at my school, many of who are jerks, drug addicts, alcoholics, disrespectful to women, nasty, cruel, selfish and absolutely 100% obsessed with sex. Literally none of the girls are bisexual and only like 7.5% of the boys are bi and then for some weird reason they are sex obsessed and always saying mysogynistic things and treating people, including me as if we're sex objects (verbally, not actually having sex with us). like guys sometimes ask for sex and i am disgusted (especially when they ask me to be active parter, you know i'm trans). sometimes i get so badly harassed i almost give in but decide not to encase i catch chlamydia or HIV. i'm just generally sick of the way people treat me. i hate being treated as a boy.

[Tristan]

To lilyyy and Alexia I say be yourself. At least a little. Especially at school. I mean they most likely won't pick up on it right away and if people in your lives do. Just deny it and say ," I don't know what your talking about?" Until your ready to go public