trouble cross dressing

[Emmaline]

My therapist suggested spending time wearing gender appropriate clothes around the house to explore the female role.
But for me at this pre hrt stage it just draws attention to my male body, and that triggers disphoria.  Waxing helped as I could feel my legs as feminine.  But though I fantasize about the feel of wearing skirts and tights, and loose cut tops, (though not in a sexual way, from a feeling of 'right' ) I cannot look in the mirror.

Likewise wigs just highlight my jaw and shadow.  Uhg.

Anyone else experience this?

I am hoping once I am six or more months into hrt and post laser I will be able to do this.  Kidding myself?

[Cindy]

May I suggest a mind shift?

I realised I was cross dressing when I went out in male clothes. I wasn't cross dressed in female clothes since I'm female.

OK I'm not the most attractive woman in the world but woman are like that, we all think we have to look like a movie goddess or a fashion model.

Guess what? We don't.

You may perceive yourself as ugly or male or whatever. But go to a shopping Mall and look at other woman. 99% look like you. Ordinary people look ordinary.

And I do not mean that rudely.

First symptom of not passing - try to look like a princess, movie star or fashion model.

First sign of passing - look like every other woman does.

It's an in your head thing. We think we have to look like Miranda Kerr to pass. We don't: she can't go out without bodyguards. We can. just like every other woman can.

What do most woman wear around the house BTW? High heels and a mini or track pants and a sloppy top.

I look professional at work and I strip to trackies and a top at home. Hell babe the bra comes off at home and the make up is off. Comfort rules!!!

Cindy

[Antonia J]

My approach has been to dress in a way that fits my stage of transition. For example, I started with undergarments and foundational items.  As I got more comfortable I addressed pants and shoes.  I then worked on accessories including jewelry, belts, glasses, and even getting my ears pierced a few weeks ago. My latest addition is carrying a pseudo androgynous purse. I am now working on tops.

The thing is that I have done this over 4 months.  Don't pressure yourself to figure it all out in one weekend.  Enjoy the discovery and make sure to congratulate yourself when you find something that works.  Try thrift stores to get a feel for sizes and to avoid spending a lot of money. Goodwill was and is my friend. I have bought some lovely outfits like skinny jeans, flats, tanks and cardis for under $20 all in. You can even try things on and seriously no one will care.

Also, the library has been a great source for me to find books on dressing for my female body type

Good luck and don't pressure yourself so much

Toni

[suzifrommd]

Anyone else experience this?

First time I put a bra over my hairy frame, I was sick to my stomach. Thought, "Oh crap, this means I'm not really TG." Then realized it was the hair, not the bra that bothered me!

I am hoping once I am six or more months into hrt and post laser I will be able to do this.  Kidding myself?

Emmaline, don't wait. Be yourself as soon as you can.

Let me tell you how I got over it.

I refused to allow myself dress in female mode until I actually looked female. I had to get a wig, makeup to cover beard shadow, shave all exposed skin, wear clip-on earrings, even stuff rags into my bra so it looked like I had a chest. I kind of made an engineering project out of it, complete with checklist (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,123727.msg968260.html#msg968260, if it helps.)

Only then did I begin to accept myself in female clothes.

[Sara Thomas]

Well... I know that there is a learning curve in finding appropriately-fitting clothing (not only in terms of actual fit - but also finding items that play down a masculine physique), because I'm somewhere in the middle of it. I have no idea, of course, where on the curve you are - but p'haps it's the clothes (and what Cindy said)?

[Emmaline]

Such great advice already, and its good to hear I am not alone in this. I see people taking comfort posing for photos early in transition before passing and it worried me I could not separate the body and the clothes.

It feels like is worsens the dysphoria for me.

A gentle glide through sounds like the approach for me. 
Grabbing some female trackie dacks for around the house is a brilliant idea.

So I could go more androgynous in my clothing to begin with... go for a slim cut of jeans, unisex sweaters, maybe black my nails to be a touch goth outwardly.  I imagine this will help my friends adjust as I change too.
I am thinking I will switch out my satchel to a smaller A4 sized leather satchel, which will work when part timing too and make me feel more feminine.

I am hoping the hormones will shape my jaw muscles and cheeks enough after the six month stage.  In the meantimeI guess I just focus on dropping weight.

[Misato]

Dresses were the worst cause they always go to extremes for me.  Either they're awesome sauce or eye sores.

But that tidbit does get to a point that, the early days are loaded with discovery of what will work with your body.  Shaving/Waxing/Epilating legs for me led to me shaving my arms, painting my toenails toward the end of trying to look more feminine.  Even after I went full time I was tweaking by starting to get my eyebrows shaped.

It's process, and one that's loaded with trial and error.  But, you have every reason to expect you'll move forward learning new tricks to bringing out the real you along the way.

[suzifrommd]

I also had to give up the image of myself as the ideal female. Females comes in millions of shapes and sizes and I had to learn to accept the female I was going to become not the female I wanted to be. It had to be enough that I was going to live as a female.

It helped me to realize every cis woman (except a couple supermodels, maybe) goes through the same process.

[Emmaline]

Has anyone found a tipping point where clothes soothe the dysphoria rather than magnify?

I should really get a breast form mocked up, that may help too I guess.  At least I can take out my contacts and see blurry me.

Laser should help too.

Uhg, it feels like I have just discovered the door out of my prison but it keeps moving away from me.

[Sara Thomas]

I'm doing alright. I ain't pretty, but I don't have that expectation.

I'm currently in a loose-fitting blouse that neither makes my pecs look like breasts under duress, and ropes my shoulders in to a manageable dimension.

Which is a good sight better than my earlier outfit selection. 

[Beth Andrea]

Unless you're lucky, 6 months won't be enough to be 100% rid of beard stubble, or to have an HRT-enhanced face, or breasts.

I think most of us endure about 18 months worth of laser and/or electrolysis, except those who choose to go the "executive" route, where one has two electro-techs working your face for 8 hours at a shot...and even that takes months (due to hair growth cycles).

Breasts take about 6 months just to start peeking, another year or two to become "gazongas" (if that's their destiny).

The face...ahh, the face...HRT will help soften a few of the male edges, but the most dramatic changes will be when you allow an FFS surgeon near you.

So until these things happen...learn to accept yourself, to recognize what you can do to help your appearance...and learn to not be too concerned about how others see you. Our fears play a gigantic role in cutting ourselves down, far more than criticism from random people whom you'll never see again. (And if you do, they'll tire quickly if you don't bite on their antagonism.)

Good luck!

[Emmaline]

Thanks!

I should say that I dont expect a huge change at just past six months... its just when I watch timelines, thats roughly when the first glipses of the girl within start to peek out.  My hope is the moment I see *me* starting to peek out I can gear up on exploring clothing.

I had a bad patch today walking around a vintage clothes market... there where such cute clothes.  I suddenly felt very aware of my body and how far I have to go.  Still, it helped realising I would one day walk around the market and pass enough to shop there, and that got exciting.

Bless my partner, she is making me some basic long skirts to wear around the home to get used to the feel.  We picked out some wonderfully textural fabrics to concentrate on feel.

[Robin Mack]

For me, a gaffe was a *big* help... and shaving chest/legs/etc every day or two.  I could never get the shaving perfect, so I found coming back the next day was a help.  I rarely see/expose my male package, preferring to keep it reigned in with tight panties in at least an OK tuck.  Oddly, the farther down the path I get the greater the urge not to see *it*.  :\

[Emmaline]

Gaff is something I am investigating now.  Great tip!

Oooh, I should update this thread with new experiences...

The dysphoria of dressing as a girl lifted a great deal once I got onto the system ready for hormones.  I can now do the 'okay that bits a work in progress but it will change.'  with various features.

My shadow is most dysphoria triggering... when masked I can look in mirror a bit.  So I expect laser is gonna make a huge inroad here.

I have a lovely flowing skirt now and one top that fits great.  I still need some forms.
I am aiming at getting to a size 18 as fast as I can so I have decent clothing options.  Designers hate plus sizes.  You can see the tide mark of 'fabulous, fabulous,  fabulous.... <not allowed> YOU FATTY- HERES A MUMU...' happen at size 20 here.  Designers.  What world do they live in?

[Beth Andrea]

Gaff is something I am investigating now.  Great tip!

Oooh, I should update this thread with new experiences...

The dysphoria of dressing as a girl lifted a great deal once I got onto the system ready for hormones.  I can now do the 'okay that bits a work in progress but it will change.'  with various features.

My shadow is most dysphoria triggering... when masked I can look in mirror a bit.  So I expect laser is gonna make a huge inroad here.

I have a lovely flowing skirt now and one top that fits great.  I still need some forms.
I am aiming at getting to a size 18 as fast as I can so I have decent clothing options.  Designers hate plus sizes.  You can see the tide mark of 'fabulous, fabulous,  fabulous.... <not allowed> YOU FATTY- HERES A MUMU...' happen at size 20 here.  Designers.  What world do they live in?

LOL!

And I wonder where the word "mumu" came from?! Good Lawd, it even *sounds* like a cow...

Found it: Wikipedia to the rescue!

For bigger sizes, look into "Woman Within" and "Lane Bryant"...much better selection than most brick-nn-mortar stores. That's where I get a lot of my clothes.

[Emmaline]

Ta, thanks!