What made you unhappy today? v3.0

[MadeleineG]

• Telling my wife that I want a divorce for the second/final time.

[Lauren5]

@ Jamie D and Willow I asked him what does a road sign mean when it's looks like a sideways capital T ( Kind of like l- ) and is it illegal to always keep your high beams on?
My father makes me feel like an idiot and that it's wrong to ask questions.  He never answers any of them and he told me that he didn't want to hear another word from me and to keep driving.  I just wish he was more caring.

That sign means that there's a T intersection ahead, most likely it's not very visible, so it's marked for safety reasons.
As for high beams, I don't know about illegality, but when there's oncoming traffic, for safety reasons, it's best to turn them off until they've all passed.

I get that feeling too, like I can't ask questions because it means I don't know what I'm doing and don't have control, two things I claim to have.

[Apples Mk.II]

Support group today and I'm running late at everything today. Could not have lunch until 16:00 end the shrink there wants to meet me 30 minutes earlier to tell me some sort of story.

[Edge]

I have a chemistry midterm on friday and don't know what I'm doing.
As usual, I feel isolated, shunned, and lonely. I wonder what's so wrong with me. I wonder if people here are reading these things I keep saying and hating me because I am such a loser and won't shut up about it. Maybe that's one of the reasons why people here don't really talk to me either. That and I got upset when I just started T and was wondering if I should share my joy or if people wouldn't care and ended up reading a post that said, not only would people not care, they'd be upset by it. I'm not allowed to be upset. I know that. Everyone else is, but not me. I don't know why. I lost so many friends because of that. They do something that hurts me (or it's a misunderstanding), I show anger, I am suddenly the root of all evil and no amount of begging for forgiveness will make them even pretend to treat me as an equal. I do something stupid like politely correct them on the cause of Down's syndrome (I've reread it over and over and I still don't understand), they blow up at me, and suddenly my friendship is worth nothing because I want to be treated like an equal. I've even had people "quit" (their word) because I calmly asked them stop insulting things I like. Sorry. I should shut up. No one gives a beaver-made structure. What is so wrong with me?
Oh and, even though I know there must be something wrong with me (it's the only thing that explains the large numbers), I still won't stand for being treated as anything less than equal.

[LordKAT]

BS Edge, you are allowed to be as pissed off as the next guy.

(it's the only thing that explains the large numbers),

What large numbers? What did I miss?

[Lauren5]

I haven't passed a math test all year.  I studied so hard for this one and I only got a 45%, while most of the class hour over 90%

[Edge]

BS Edge, you are allowed to be as pissed off as the next guy.


What large numbers? What did I miss?

I just mean I have a long, ongoing history of not getting along with people everywhere I go.

[NathanielM]

Edge, I've been reading your posts and doubting about replying because I don't feel like I'm qualified to say anything to you but I can't keep quiet. The thing is I'm sort of familiar with what you're saying, I've always been the one no-one really liked. People just didn't connect with me, they thought I was weird, abnormal,... I was always the one who 'ruined' the sort-of friendships by being to weird, by talking about weird stuff, by not doing everything for them when they didn't do anything for me...
Someone once said to me that we look for what we think we deserve, you seem to think you're unlikeable but even if it seems everyone feels that way that doesn't make you wrong or abnormal. For me it was the moment I started liking myself (only recently) and truly putting myself first that things changed a little. People still think I'm weird, and if they do that's fine to be honest I think people are weird too :p I don't put energy in people that don't put energy in me. You say you won't put up with being treated badly and you're right! You shouldn't put up with 'friends' that don't care as much about you as you do about them and if that's what they expect of you they are wrong! Look I don't know what to tell you but I'll tell you that since I came here you've been one of the people I've wanted to talk to the most. You impressed me because you seem smart and a fighter and I still feel that way. Only reason I haven't is because I'm shy and because I was a little starstruck :p Feeling like you do now isn't wrong, it isn't pathetic and it isn't forever. I'm sure no-one thinks your whining here, and if someone did I'm sorry but who cares! I wish I could become your friend, so I could show you that there are people who can like you!
Sorry it's become so long and stupid.

[Megumi]

That's unfortunate, Meg. It really sounded like your parents had your back before. Wonder if they are just confused. Best of luck to deal with them.

That's what I thought but my mom is having a very hard time with letting go of what the "good book" says. I have given them plenty of info on what being transgender means and they can carry on a conversation about it now. Funny thing is as far as I can tell is that my dad is cool about everything. He's been in the neutral zone ever since I came out.
I'm just not entirely sure how long I'm going to put up with her resistance on this as I am a independent adult and can just walk away and cut off all contact even though that's something I really don't want to have to do unless there appears to be no hope in her actually accepting me as I am.

[Megumi]

That stuff is expensive, right? Sell it. As for your mom, she's dumb if she thinks you'll be "cured".

It was 20 bucks from a christian company. Hardly worth the effort to sell. She might demand to see that I've used it and I'd have to present a "used" container of the stuff to show that I've tried another cockamamie cure. Right now I'm in the I'll bear her resistance to my transition phase. I almost feel bad lying to her but I've had T in me for a long time and I know more of it is only going to make me feel worse.

[LordKAT]

Empty the fake T jar and fill it with cold cream, then she can see you are using it all she wants.

I say fake because no script= no T, cream or otherwise.

[Megumi]

Empty the fake T jar and fill it with cold cream, then she can see you are using it all she wants.

I say fake because no script= no T, cream or otherwise.

I was thinking the same thing. She got it off of a Daystar TV program that we watched because it explained why I feel the way I do . The ingredients if legit are found in real T creams from the research that I did.

[MadeleineG]

It was 20 bucks from a christian company.

Intolerance in a jar. 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Meg.

[Edge]

Thank you. Thank you as well, Kat. You have no idea what it means to me to get a response. Usually, I feel like I talk and get silence in return.

Edge, I've been reading your posts and doubting about replying because I don't feel like I'm qualified to say anything to you but I can't keep quiet.

Not sure what qualifications one needs to talk to me, but if they're needed, that might explain something.

For me it was the moment I started liking myself (only recently) and truly putting myself first that things changed a little.

I like myself a lot (not that anyone believes me). It's difficult not to take it personally and, sometimes I do (like now), but I am very grateful to be who I am. Other people still disagree with me on this though. Nothing has really changed aside from how I react to it.

Look I don't know what to tell you but I'll tell you that since I came here you've been one of the people I've wanted to talk to the most. You impressed me because you seem smart and a fighter and I still feel that way. Only reason I haven't is because I'm shy and because I was a little starstruck :p

Starstruck? Why? Thanks for the compliments.

Feeling like you do now isn't wrong, it isn't pathetic and it isn't forever. I'm sure no-one thinks your whining here, and if someone did I'm sorry but who cares! I wish I could become your friend, so I could show you that there are people who can like you!

I know it's not forever. I just wish I would hurry up and get over it. I also know that, sometimes, I just need to wallow. It'll pass and then I'll feel better again. People will still want nothing to do with me, but I'll feel better until the next time I need to wallow.
Eh I'm just wondering since it usually turns out to be the case wherever and whenever I mention something that is in the slightest bit not positive. Sometimes, even when it is positive. I once knew someone whose response to "life is fascinating" was "I don't like to think about that. It's too depressing." People are weird.
Thanks, but why do you wish you could become my friend? I mean, I know it's not the same since it's online, but what's stopping you?


Er... On the subject of the T cream, isn't it dangerous to be taking hormones without a prescription and the advice of one's doctor? Do they really just hand it out like that?

[KabitTarah]

Last night my mom gave me some testosterone cream and said if I use it every day it will cure me..... I'm not going to use the stuff ever. About that we'll support you no matter what thing, can't help but notice the support I get is to not transition or tell anyone so people aren't inconvienced.... I understand not wanting things to change but dang how about some compassion to see how would it feel if you were in my shoes.

At least today is a new day and some good things should happen this evening so I have something positive to look forward too.

I think my T has gone up a lot since starting my diet. I went from Obese, BMI ~33 down to (barely)Overweight BMI 26.8... I've started exercising... and my dysphoria has reached epic highs (other than during puberty ).

Best (and most probable) case, the T-cream would do nothing... worst case it would make you feel worse!

disclaimer: I have no idea how this works! I'm just going off my own recent experiences.

[NathanielM]

Thanks, but why do you wish you could become my friend? I mean, I know it's not the same since it's online, but what's stopping you?

I guess I stopped myself because I'm shy, and terrible at saying what I mean online :p Not letting that stop me anymore though I get starstruck about people sometimes when I get really impressed by them. It's like I'm in awe of that person or very interested and then I get scared that I'll come across as silly or something. It's one of my weird things :p

[King Malachite]

That sign means that there's a T intersection ahead, most likely it's not very visible, so it's marked for safety reasons.
As for high beams, I don't know about illegality, but when there's oncoming traffic, for safety reasons, it's best to turn them off until they've all passed.

I get that feeling too, like I can't ask questions because it means I don't know what I'm doing and don't have control, two things I claim to have.

So for the road sign, would that mean there would be a dead end for the driver coming from the right?  My father had me turn on the high beams when there were no cars but had me turn them off for when there were cars coming and it got very hard to see when there were several cars coming and I had to use the low beams.

[Edge]

I guess I stopped myself because I'm shy, and terrible at saying what I mean online :p Not letting that stop me anymore though I get starstruck about people sometimes when I get really impressed by them. It's like I'm in awe of that person or very interested and then I get scared that I'll come across as silly or something. It's one of my weird things :p

I like silly. It's one of my not-so weird things.

[mac1]

Looking down and seeing that I still have those male things between my legs. 

[CalmRage]

i am worried about jamie.