So, I've been kicked out of my home...

[Horizon]

I'm going to try to keep this short.  My dad, knowing that I'm going to start HRT tomorrow (with or without his help, I might add) kicked me out of the house, claiming that being transgender is a "disorder that can be cured".  The therapist who I've been working with owns her own business, and has nearly 20 years of experience, having a clientele that was large enough to become reference only.  He believes that she's full of crock for encouraging me, as opposed to "treating my disorder".

Because I want them to pay for my college (NEXT FARKING MONTH) excluding the scholarships I've worked so hard to earn, I've decided I'm going to begin sending them emails as to why being transgender cannot be cured.  I was hoping that members here could direct me to some great sources, statistics, and studies to prove my case (for example, the recent study that observed pre-everything transpeople having brains similar to those of the opposite birth sex, and the recent UK study that showed transgender suicide statistics, claiming and 80% attempted suicide rate for those who are unable to transition).

Any help would be much appreciated!   I know they can be very stubborn, but there's no point in giving up on life without trying.

[Jamie D]

From another topic:

Mmmm there is quite a scientific literature on sexual differentiation of the brain. For a review:

Front Neuroendocrinol. 2011 Apr;32(2):214-26. doi: 10.1016/j.yfrne.2011.02.007. Epub 2011 Feb 18.
Sexual differentiation of the human brain: relation to gender identity, sexual orientation and neuropsychiatric disorders.
Bao AM, Swaab DF.
Source
Department of Neurobiology, Key Laboratory of Medical Neurobiology of Ministry of Health of China, Zhejiang Province Key Laboratory of Neurobiology, Zhejiang University School of Medicine, Hangzhou, China. baoaimin@zju.edu.cn
Abstract
During the intrauterine period a testosterone surge masculinizes the fetal brain, whereas the absence of such a surge results in a feminine brain. As sexual differentiation of the brain takes place at a much later stage in development than sexual differentiation of the genitals, these two processes can be influenced independently of each other. Sex differences in cognition, gender identity (an individual's perception of their own sexual identity), sexual orientation (heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality), and the risks of developing neuropsychiatric disorders are programmed into our brain during early development. There is no evidence that one's postnatal social environment plays a crucial role in gender identity or sexual orientation. We discuss the relationships between structural and functional sex differences of various brain areas and the way they change along with any changes in the supply of sex hormones on the one hand and sex differences in behavior in health and disease on the other.
Copyright © 2011 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
PMID: 21334362 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

[xchristine]

That is very awfull...
We are born into this and sometimes parents have a
Delusional expectation on t children...ignoring thier needs
To stroke thier ego and wants...risking the cjilds life..
As wr do suicide...

A parent that would rather watch a child suffer a nightmare
So they can be happy irregardles of the child...

It's not over yet.  You can move forward...

[DanicaCarin]

Hey Horizon,

Sorry for your troubles at home. Here is one link from the Science/Medical section here at Susan's & a few from the net.

http://www.medicaldaily.com/articles/16846/20130625/brain-mapping-gender-identity-transsexualism-sex-reassignment-surgery.htm

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html#.UeeefW3OCAs

http://openmindedhealth.com/2012/01/results-of-transsexual-brain-studies/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2754583/

Hope this helps!

[Horizon]

Thanks for the support, ladies   I'll start reading through all of this when I'm actually on the E (EEEEEEK!  Hopefully just a few hours), though I won't send any emails out until a few days have passed.  My mom may not be supportive of my transition, but she seems somewhat adamant that I get the college education I've been promised my whole life.  I'll let the flames simmer before I go fueling them again ;P

[Tristan]

In so sorry. That just sounds so awful. I hope your dad reconsideres

[FTMDiaries]

So sorry that your dad is being so difficult at the moment. But I'm pleased for you that your mom seems to have your best interests at heart and is pushing for you to get your education.

You already have some great links there about why transgender cannot be cured, but I thought you might like to back them up with some information about how young LGBT adults are affected by the way their family treats them.

There was a study published in the Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing about the affect of a family's acceptance (or lack thereof) on LGBT young adults. The subjects of the study were aged 21-25.

Here's the study: http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/files/FAP_Family%20Acceptance_JCAPN.pdf

And here's some advice based on that study, explaining the problem and giving families advice on how to help their LGBT relatives. http://nccc.georgetown.edu/documents/LGBT_Brief.pdf

The second link is more user-friendly and it does have some great tips, but it might give you a few giggles when you see the name of the project.

Good luck; I hope your dad comes to his senses.

[Lo]

Ask him, if he truly thinks its a curable disease, how kicking you out will help?

If you had leukemia, or broke a leg, or caught an infection, would he be treating you with such horrendous disdain, or would he be supportive and helpful? And if your medial treatment were not up to his standard, would he take it out on you and insinuate that you're all of these awful things? Tell him that if he really thinks TG is a disease, he should treat you like you have a medical condition instead of treating you like a criminal.

Best of luck! :[

[Ltl89]

Horizon,

I am so sorry to be reading this.  Most of what you have said reminds me of how my mother is acting.  She is convinced my therapist is misleading me and that this can be cured without transitioning.  I'm not getting kicked out in the same way you are, but I am strongly being asked to leave once the changes start to become noticeable to her.  She doesn't want to see me frequently once that begins.  So I can relate with where you are.

I hate to say this, but I have found that info doesn't do much good for those who are stubborn.  My mom has no interest in learning about this stuff.  Even when she does try, she acknowledges that some people may be transgender but that it is impossible that I'm that way.  Your father sounds like he is in a similar mindset.  The whole deny everything and deflect as best as possible.  It doesn't matter how much information you present.  If he doesn't want to accept this is the case, then he won't be able to absorb anything you ask him to read or watch.  I think the only real cure for that attitude is time and hope they can adjust eventually.  Usually, once they see the changes and that you are happy, they will start to relax. 

In any event, I think you should be pushing for your college education more than anything at this point.  He may come around in time to accept your transition, but right now you need his immediate support for college.  If you need assistance with tuition and a home to study in, then you should make sure that he understands how this is important to your future.  Make sure he knows that kicking you out would destroy a major opportunity for you.  Focusing too much on transition and making that the priority in your conversations with him may just push him further into the deep end. 

Sorry if this isn't helpful, but I wanted to give honest advice.  Good luck with everything. 

[spacerace]

the wikipedia page is surprisingly helpful on this subject I noticed the other day  - easy to read and organized

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_transsexualism#Biological-based_theories

[Rachel]

Sorry to hear your Dad is not taking the news well. Perhaps he will come around, it is a big shock. keep the lines of communication open. Do not lose your cool. Try to focus on school. Focus on you Mom to help. 

[Riven]

I had very much the same problem with my own mother, she was against it no matter what I told her. Our discussions would get angry because neither of us is going cave in, obviously. Me knowing what I want and her knowing she can't be told anything. It's tough to say what to do here because if it we're me, I wouldn't be deterred no matter what, but you have college to consider so I'm not sure what advice to give other than this, if you can get your college paid for and over with. There's nothing stopping you from moving forward because you'd have a degree and probably a decent well paying job at the end of it. you're parents can't take your degree just because you won't put it to their desires.

[spacerace]

People who are set in their ways and beliefs will not change their minds even if you present facts and evidence that support what you tell them. Some will if they are open-minded but the older and/or more stubborn they are the less chance you have of succeeding.

This is true. I showed someone that wikipedia page listing the biological causes and they said, "well, you don't know if you actually have these biological signs (he meant brain regions, genetics, etc) , right? So it could just be in your head?"

It looked like there would be progress, then it was gone

[stavraki]

I'm going to try to keep this short.  My dad, knowing that I'm going to start HRT tomorrow (with or without his help, I might add) kicked me out of the house, claiming that being transgender is a "disorder that can be cured".  The therapist who I've been working with owns her own business, and has nearly 20 years of experience, having a clientele that was large enough to become reference only.  He believes that she's full of crock for encouraging me, as opposed to "treating my disorder".

Because I want them to pay for my college (NEXT FARKING MONTH) excluding the scholarships I've worked so hard to earn, I've decided I'm going to begin sending them emails as to why being transgender cannot be cured.  I was hoping that members here could direct me to some great sources, statistics, and studies to prove my case (for example, the recent study that observed pre-everything transpeople having brains similar to those of the opposite birth sex, and the recent UK study that showed transgender suicide statistics, claiming and 80% attempted suicide rate for those who are unable to transition).

Any help would be much appreciated!   I know they can be very stubborn, but there's no point in giving up on life without trying.

Sorry to hear about what's happened.  I hope the statistics approach works and that the science of the facts helps your cause.  If he's angry, and if he's using ur college education as a lever, that really speaks to me like 500 foghorns blearing at once.  Don't get too near to the rocks matey.  Be kind to yourself and congrats on the scholarships.  Ur a brainiac.

Let us know how you get on.....

cheers

[stavraki]

PS, I have access to the academic journal literature because, between working, I'm doing my second PhD.

I found three articles, that you may find useful:

• Hormonal therapy and sex reassignment: a systematic review and meta-analysis of quality of life and psychosocial outcomes
  By: Mohammad Hassan Murad*,†, Mohamed B. Elamin*, Magaly Zumaeta Garcia*, Rebecca J. Mullan*, Ayman Murad‡, Patricia J. Erwin*,§ and Victor M. Montori*,
• The Nature–Nurture Debates: 25 Years of Challenges in Understanding the Psychology of GenderBy: Alice H. Eagly1 and Wendy Wood
• Transsexuality Among Twins: Identity Concordance, Transition, Rearing, and Orientation
  By Milton Diamond

They are representations of the three core areas that tease apart determinism (explanations of cause and effect) in the sciences where psychology meets biology.  I hadda look at the three articles, and the concordance studies shows elevations of gender dysphoria in twins (up around 30%--*way* higher than the baseline, suggesting that biology plays and important role. 

I'm reading the nature-nurture article myself, as I am playing catch ups in this area and want to learn, from being at Susan's Place.

I can't upload off my C-Drive (does anyone reading this know how to do it).  I can either email you the articles, or we can contact a moderator to act as intermediary through their email, to keep your privacy safe, if you prefer.

Kind Regards
ask me questions about the science if you like.  I've 20 years unteasing the *headache* of ideas about determinism (causes of psychological and psychosocial behaviour) for the psychological sciences.

Kind Regards
stav

[Lesley_Roberta]

It always bothers me when I read posts from people I consider 'young people' barely into adult age.

I'm transgender, but I am also a parent.

And there is no excuse, non whatsoever, for treating your child the way you are being treated. And I say that as a parent.

Horizon, your father is failing miserably as a parent. You don't NEED proof, you only need to tell him, that this parent (me) is disgusted with him. He's a failure as a father, he has failed you, his love is clearly conditional, and it is clearly not as genuine as it needs to be.

My son for my 50th birthday, penned a message to me, that was saturated in complete acceptance and 100% love. I have never felt more proud of him. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him.

I just wish your father could say the same, that there wasn't anything he would do for you, including understanding you and not demanding 'proof' of who you were. He clearly has no idea who you are.

[Horizon]

WOW!!!  Thank you all so much for the advice!  I would love to reply individually to everyone (and I'm still planning to!), but I just want to get out a quick update before bed.  My mom kept communications very open with me throughout the day.  At one point, I noticed that she actually ran out, bought minutes for my phone, and added them online just so we could keep in touch.  While I was at Howard Brown Health Center in Chicago, I received a call from her.  Apparently my dad was feeling horrible with his decision and wanted me back in the house with my college support intact.  Now that I'm here, he still very much doesn't want me to do this, but...well...I have a roof, an upcoming college adventure, and hormones in my pocket!  I might not be in the ideal situation, but this is a hell of a lot better than last night 

I still want to show all of your lovely resources to my dad, but...I think you're all right.  That can wait, but college can't!  I have the chance now, so I'm not going to take any risks with it, even if it means doing a ninja transition.

Thanks again, everyone   Words can't express my gratitude.  Have a wonderful night!

[Lesley_Roberta]

I am liking that your dad might have over reacted and come to his senses and that I might have been too harsh in my viewpoint.

We can all hope he comes to realize this isn't some odd crap you dragged out of thin air.

[stavraki]

WOW!!!  Thank you all so much for the advice!  I would love to reply individually to everyone (and I'm still planning to!), but I just want to get out a quick update before bed.  My mom kept communications very open with me throughout the day.  At one point, I noticed that she actually ran out, bought minutes for my phone, and added them online just so we could keep in touch.  While I was at Howard Brown Health Center in Chicago, I received a call from her.  Apparently my dad was feeling horrible with his decision and wanted me back in the house with my college support intact.  Now that I'm here, he still very much doesn't want me to do this, but...well...I have a roof, an upcoming college adventure, and hormones in my pocket!  I might not be in the ideal situation, but this is a hell of a lot better than last night 

I still want to show all of your lovely resources to my dad, but...I think you're all right.  That can wait, but college can't!  I have the chance now, so I'm not going to take any risks with it, even if it means doing a ninja transition.

Thanks again, everyone   Words can't express my gratitude.  Have a wonderful night!

This made my day.  A story with a happy ending.  A dad who blew a valve and kicked his kid out for being himself.  The father's child is an A student who won heaps of scholarships, and his ma is horrified about the rejection and the father repents.

Your dad's on a journey of discovery, while the child 'parents the parent' through the ignorance.  This is going to make you a fine, strong human being and your father a better person.  It could have been better: father just accepts child, and empathises for the pain the child endures in a society that's dumb about gender identity. 

Cheers tho, for ur win.

stav

[Lo]

Wow, so happy things are looking up! Such great news.