i dont think ill be really getting support from my family

[kelly25]

sorry this might be a little  long
a about a month a go I put in for a legal name change still have to wait one more month but soon .
so any way when I  put in for the name change  I knew I had to publish it in the paper. I wasn't to worried about people seeing it  since the  area they post it in people usually don't read. little did I know that there's a site  you can go to and it shows all your records. it so happened that my moms boyfriend looked me up on the site and found my name change petition and ended up telling my mom. which I didn't know till about a week ago. so last week I decide to give my mom another chance and went for a visit.
during my visit on the first night the name change came up. my moms boyfriend was actually good about it  he said he defiantly maybe my mom would be going to consoling to help them understand better what I was going through. in my head I thought this is great there might actually accept me.  nope for the next few days my mom pretty much told me that I have to get her permission to   move on with the transformation  and that I have no support that no one is or will support me.  so  the last day of my visit she ask me if she could tell  other people I told her that it was fine.

so i guess she called my dad and told him about me which he kind of already knew but in her own words. so the night after i got home  me and my dad had a talk  he did kind of accept me  be he said some of the things he said bother me.
first he tells me that the people who support me don't really support me. second he ask if i plan on leaving the state since all my support is fake. 
i kept telling him i have people who really support me  but he kept telling me i didn't.
toward the end he told me that i should call my mom and talk with her since she still loves me.

i was going to till i got a text the next day form my mom pretty much saying that i was a horrible child of hers and what i was doing was wrong and how could i do something like this to the family

[suzifrommd]

Hugs, Kelly. It's so painful when the people who should love and support you the most turn out to be stiff obstacles.

Before you write your parents off, I always recommend trying to educate them first. A lot of people don't understand transgender the way we do and some of them change their minds when they do.

Here are some facts you can repeat to them:
* Transgender is not something we choose.
* It typically doesn't go away on its own.
* Transgender is serious. Depression and suicide attempts are common among people who don't transition.
* There is no "cure". Transitioning to live as your true gender is the only treatment that's ever been found to be effective.

You might find you have to mention these repeatedly. Many people are resistant the first few times they hear things.

Of course they might be so resistant to the truth that it never sinks in and you might need to put a lot of distance between you. At least you'll know you did all you can.

Good luck, Kelly. You're a strong person.

[Jamie D]

"nope for the next few days my mom pretty much told me that I have to get her permission to   move on with the transformation"

Kelly, aren't you in your mid-20s?

As an adult, you are largely responsible for yourself.

[big kim]

I'm sorry to read this,in Lancashire England we have a saying you can pick your mates but not your family.Don't give up they may come round

[kelly25]

Thanks
I will never really give up on my family but the support looks slim to none from them

Jamie: I know I'm responsible for my self I know my mom or any one in my family can't control my life. Even though my mom thinks she can

[StellaB]

Oh dear, I'm so sorry.

I can only echo what the others have posted earlier. You are an adult, it's your life for which you are responsible, and you don't need anybody's permission, or validation, to do what you feel you need to do or want to do to be happy.

As for the nice attempt at manipulation claiming everyone's support is fake... well... I think it's best to let everyone decide for themselves. People who are supportive towards trans folk are supportive because they don't have any major issues with it, and I really can't see how you can call that fake.

What is fake by the way? A Mona Lisa can be a fake, a Rolex watch can be a fake, but I honestly think people who use the word fake to apply to people and relationships don't quite understand the meaning of the word.

The only choice about being transgendered is the choice that Mother Nature made, you have to deal with the consequences. Dealing with the consequences often means transitioning to the point where you are able to function properly in life and gain some sort of fulfillment.

You can try and persuade your family but if they lack the open minds and compassion to even try to understand I wouldn't make it a priority. You don't need the hassle and the conflicts and if they're choosing to stick with their preconceived notions about being trans let them. Life is all about choices. There are more supportive people out there and I would focus on populating your life with these sorts of people.

Don't let anybody make you feel bad about being trans. You're still a human being and have as much right as anyone else to be happy.