Saying what you are

[smile_jma]

Not sure where to put this, as it could pertain to those on HRT, or us in general...

So lets say you're not QUITE passing, but enough to confuse people, when you meet people and they ask you what gender you are, what do you say? I've been having to say I'm male, which kind of sucks because these people I meet I'm going to still have to see in 2 years. It's not like I want to be like, "hi, I'm actually trans..." right when I first meet them. I don't care telling them later (or not since it'll be obvious), but it just seems a little disheartening to have to say that now when I know I don't pass.

Maybe I'm "lucky" enough to get asked...but it sucks. I'd rather they not ask since it's currently changing, albeit slowly.

[Edge]

I say I'm male because I am one. I don't pass though, so it makes it very obvious I'm trans.

[dreaming.forever]

Maybe I'm "lucky" enough to get asked...but it sucks. I'd rather they not ask since it's currently changing, albeit slowly.

I have the opposite problem, sort of. I used to pass as male, but then I had to stop taking T (financial problems) and could no longer bind, so now most people either assume I'm a butch lesbian or categorize me as an "it." Sometimes, under near-perfect conditions, I get lucky and pass, but mostly people alternate between staring at my chest and staring at my attempt at otherwise looking male, with that horrible "what are you???" expression. Literally nobody has ever asked me what gender I am, and I wish people would just ask instead of staring at me as if they can figure it out on their own if they stare at me long enough and calculate whatever gender-discerning formula they think will result in the right answer.

I wish neither me nor anyone else had to go through the awkward don't-quite-pass stage of transitioning. It gets a bit depressing after a while.

[StellaB]

I'm over the stage of worrying whether I pass or not, I can't ever remember signing up to some contract agreeing to be eye candy for other people, and I certainly don't feel any stigma in telling anyone that I'm trans. It's the truth and part of who I am.

If other people have an issue with that, then I'm sorry, it's not my problem. I can't be anyone other than who I am.

[Northern Jane]

I confused people pretty much my whole (early) life. People who didn't know the family would often mistake me for a girl or ask one of my parents. By my mid teens if I was dressed in neutral clothing, I still confused people but if my clothes were a little snug or just overtly feminine I was assumed to be a girl. By the time I started college, even when dressed as a boy, nobody bought the act.

In childhood, I thought I was a girl so if anybody asked or used the wrong pronoun, I told them. By my teens, if I was asked "Are you a boy or a girl?" I would just answer "Yes." and by college I simply refused to answer that question - I was even registered under my first initial and family name with no gender stated.

[Crow]

I've been saying I'm a guy since I came out as FTM, long before I even started HRT. If people question me, I generally explain that I have a hormone deficiency and leave it up to them to decipher what I mean by that. If they figure out I'm trans, fine. If they don't, also fine. If they continue arguing with or misgendering me after I explain, they're probably not someone whose opinion or company I value anyways.

[Catalina]

When I was beginning my transition, I really didn't care because people looked at me anyways. Eventually the longer I went on hormones, people saw me as androgynous, and I would tell them "Actually, I'm a woman!" and they would profusely apologise, lol.

Nowadays I just tell people that I grew up with hormone problems, especially in regards to my voice. It generally takes care of that curiosity.

[Beth Andrea]

I'm over the stage of worrying whether I pass or not, I can't ever remember signing up to some contract agreeing to be eye candy for other people, and I certainly don't feel any stigma in telling anyone that I'm trans. It's the truth and part of who I am.

If other people have an issue with that, then I'm sorry, it's not my problem. I can't be anyone other than who I am.

+1

"Hi, I'm Beth."

If there are indications that the person is perplexed ("confused" implies they're expecting one thing, but seeing another; "perplexed" means they can't make heads or tails over what they're looking at), I say words to the effect of, "Yes, it means what you might think it does...I am transitioning from male to female."

Simple, to the point, said with a smile and a gleam in the eye, while looking into theirs. No further questions, Your Right Honorable Highness.

[Tristan]

I use to say male. I still do sometimes if I want people to be confused or leave me alone

[Jennygirl]

I was never asked what gender I was. One day I was "sir" and the next I was "ma'am". It all started my first time being out of the closet in San Francisco

I came back home a changed person after inadvertently being gendered properly everywhere I went.

Love that city <3

[Cindy]

I'm never asked.

I'm a woman. End of story.

If someone has a problem with that, well it isn't my problem.

I don't pass and never will. So I use it to my advantage.

Today for example there was a meeting of about 100-200 staff and the CEO was addressing changes. I wanted to ask a question but time ran out.

The CEO walked straight up to me and apologised for not having time to answer my concern publicly so we ended up talking for about 10 mins as he walked to his car.

I got more time and more answers than anyone.

Why?

He recognised me.

My advantage, use it.

What am I?

I'm Cindy; a female human being. Post-trans and proud.

[smile_jma]

I have to say I'm male because of my voice. Sucks.

[Cindy]

I have to say I'm male because of my voice. Sucks.

There are 20-30 people on this site who have spoken to me on the phone. They all know my voice.

My voice is a deep male voice, with a strange mix of an Australian and Liverpool accent.

I'm a woman  - my voice is a voice.

My gender is not linked to my voice.

And neither is yours.

I'm going to be rude - so take care. You are a woman, your voice is a voice and your genitals are genitals.

What are you apologising about?

Be you. Be proud.

Is it easy?
No


But I tell you what; there isn't a person of any relevance that I meet who doesn't respect me.

Why?

I'm me and I'm proud me.

You can do this.

I am nothing special.

I'm just another woman with a deep voice and a male looking face. 

And no one's joke.


Cindy

[Mosaic dude]

I don't get asked, largely because I don't pass.  But I do often get a double take and a look that says "Wait, what?!?"

[angelats]

...
I'm Cindy; a female human being. Post-trans and proud.

Hello Cindy, i just wanted to ask you what is post-trans? How you define it?
I just knew former trans women living now stealth and cutting all connections to the very own trans-history and trans community.

[calico]

Way back in the day.... when I first started I remember that some jerk came up in public and asked very loudly what the f was I, I looked at hime like huh? all confused and being the Pos he was he asked if I was a girl, a guy, or some f**, I said kinda loudly and very aggressively hmmm I'm not sure, but I am curious what the heck you are, to which he responded what you mean?,and my response I'm sorry I just cant figure out if you are a Piece of S*** or just anther F-ng A** hole!, to which he just said f-u and walked off....

[kelly_aus]

I was at a wedding last Friday.. I got a similar question from some members of the grooms family.. Saying I was Mother-of-the-Bride shut them up..

[Cindy]

Hello Cindy, i just wanted to ask you what is post-trans? How you define it?
I just knew former trans women living now stealth and cutting all connections to the very own trans-history and trans community.

I'm a woman, I accept me as a woman, I owe no explanations to anyone about who or what I am. I'm me. A female.

I'm post trans, I'm not a trans*woman. I'm just a woman.

[Pia Bianca]

I'm post trans, I'm not a trans*woman. I'm just a woman.

I totally like they way you see that. I hope I'll get the chance to seeing it the same way.

[angelats]

I'm a woman, I accept me as a woman, I owe no explanations to anyone about who or what I am. I'm me. A female.

I'm post trans, I'm not a trans*woman. I'm just a woman.

I do wonder, what this is: just a woman.
Is it something corporeal for you? something spiritual? Is it your essence?
I do wonder what is your concept of womanhood. Of being just a woman.

You definitely do not owe me an explanation. But i am here to learn from you.