Okay I get what you mean now by being non-transitioning and being on HRT. It makes sense. I read your story though and wow you went pretty far to then detransition and become non-transitioning. I can identify with some of your desires to present as male and still get treated as female but I think for me I want that because it will prove to me how not-male I am or how well I pass or something.
I'm going pretty far though so I don't know how long I can keep presenting male. I've only been on HRT for five months and not at a high dose which is about to change so I imagine changes will accelerate. I started getting she'd and her'd around 73 days and it is rare I get sir'd and usually when I don't get a good shave. I do wonder though what happens if I go all the way, get a job as a girl waiting tables or something, and then want to go back. I have pretty severe dysphoria and it's been unmanageable for a long time now.
In the spirit of the OP, I was onc what you would consider non-transitioning, non-HRT trans. I had a GF that knew all about me, treated me female and in many ways it was like we were in a lesbian relationship, and I'm fairly androgynous so people don't exactly treat me male as is, and all this was great and it allowed me to put off taking HRT because she told me if you start taking hormones or dressing to female she wouldn't be able to deal with it.
I don't exactly what changed or when, but towards the end of our relationship (engagement), she start saying things about I act too female and it scares her and she wanted e to grow a beard and stuff. I did grow the beard which took forever and ruined my face to this day. Before I could barely grow facial hair and didn't have beard shadow but after it got bad. Finally she broke up with me as the "sex was too gentle" and "she changed" all of which meant she didn't want to date someone so feminine anymore.
The other thing was towards the end of the relationship my diysphoria was becoming bad again and I was researching how to get on HRT and stuff. I fully planned to do it. But the break-up destroyed me and it put off transitioning for years. Thsi was 2008. I only recently started transtioning. I feel like I lost the last five years of my life when it would have been perfect to transition. Now I'm 30 and worried the HRT won't work.
So my point is being non-transitioning has it's perks but, for me, in the end it just wasn't enough. I did it for years from age 20-25 when I knew what I had to do and now I just feel like I wasted so much time and have cheated myself out of a full life and all I can hope for is a "half life."
