Quote from: Soren on August 02, 2013, 09:48:11 PM
If they're on HRT, wouldn't that just make them non-op, not non-transitioning?

Hormones can make changes - especially if you are MTF combining estrogen with androgen blockers, but generally without the anti androgens the changes are relatively minor.  Most non-transitioners I know take a low dose to help take the edge off the dysphoria - it really does work wonders.

As for me I have taken hormones for years and present as male.  Sure I look different, but nothing about HRT necessarily forces you to transition or changes you so much it requires you do so.  I just have to wear a shirt when I work out.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 02, 2013, 10:36:18 PM
Well, I would personally define it as medical transition vs, just not transitioning. Basically taking any steps at all in the way of: HRT (full dose, or long time period), surgeries, and living full time in any way, would be transitioning to me (or transitioned, in the case of those who did whatever parts they needed to and ended up where they needed to be, even if they're no longer taking HRT for example).

I think the type of support that people who have chosen not to transition is different. So much of the support is directly related to things such as: passing, how to get on hormones, changes once on hormones, questions on surgeries, how to go about planning for surgeries, etc. etc. If you say you're not going for any of that, people seem to just shrug their shoulders  and either say they can't understand it or have no input. 

Like I said, I understand it's not the majority, but I often wonder how many other non-transitioning trans people there are out there who are silently suffering, never seek out a site like this, or if they do, they don't really encounter any form of help specific to their situation. The whole reason why I came to this site in the first place was to try to find other people I can relate to. There's been a couple, and we've mostly discussed various thing via pm. There really isn't much open discussion of people who have chosen to not transition, yet are still trans.

I've chosen not to transition for many reasons. I did transition at one time - lived full time, etc, but I de-transitioned after 3 years.  It would take a whole post just to explain the reasons, but suffice it to say, I like my life as it is and I feel transitioning would dramatically change that so I choose not to transition.  I just have to take different steps to deal with the dysphoria.

Originally hormones were a big part of helping me manage my dysphoria, but I now have a blood condition which prevents me from taking them.  I nearly hit rock bottom last year when the dysphoria came back in spades.  Now I have to deal with it in other ways.

The primary thing that helps me, is removing the shame associated with being transgendered and being out to just about everyone.  Being out really helps me feel like I'm not hiding things and not feeling ashamed of my past or present condition.  Being out also helps others to see and treat me like I wish to be treated, and not just assume I'm just another "guy."  I have also taken many steps to identify my dysphoria triggers and to either nullify them or avoid them so as not to have too many dysphoric episodes.

There is more, but I feel you might have more specific questions.

You took HRT for three years and quit? May I ask what physical changes took place after detransitioning? Did your boobs shrink? What about your face? Did it revert to male. I am not considering quitting but I am curious as to what occurs? I don't think I have changed all that much but yet I present andro most of the time and am gendered female all while not wearing makeup and not wearing anything too female? So I don't really know why I am gendered female other then I have changed but I have such severe dysphoria it is hard for me to see them. I was even stop by police in what I thought was male mode and they would not believe I was male. So I wonder if I stopped would I go back to being male? How permanent are the changes. I realize this is off topic and I apologize but I have been curious as to what happens when you detransition.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 03, 2013, 12:35:17 AM
You took HRT for three years and quit? May I ask what physical changes took place after detransitioning? Did your boobs shrink? What about your face? Did it revert to male. I am not considering quitting but I am curious as to what occurs? I don't think I have changed all that much but yet I present andro most of the time and am gendered female all while not wearing makeup and not wearing anything too female? So I don't really know why I am gendered female other then I have changed but I have such severe dysphoria it is hard for me to see them. I was even stop by police in what I thought was male mode and they would not believe I was male. So I wonder if I stopped would I go back to being male? How permanent are the changes. I realize this is off topic and I apologize but I have been curious as to what happens when you detransition.

I was on HRT even after I detransitioned off and on.  I had an orchiechomy as well during transition so no testosterone.  Although for a very short (3 month) period I went back on T but realized very quickly that was a huge mistake.  When I stopped taking hormones my body didn't revert really.  Breasts same size (small A) since you asked.

I passed as male because I look like a feminized male in the end.  Yes, I can at a moment's notice pass as female with the right presentation, but if I don't do anything (especially if I don't shave) people assume I'm male - albeit a very pretty one.

Okay I get what you mean now by being non-transitioning and being on HRT. It makes sense. I read your story though and wow you went pretty far to then detransition and become non-transitioning. I can identify with some of your desires to present as male and still get treated as female but I think for me I want that because it will prove to me how not-male I am or how well I pass or something.

I'm going pretty far though so I don't know how long I can keep presenting male. I've only been on HRT for five months and not at a high dose which is about to change so I imagine changes will accelerate. I started getting she'd and her'd around 73 days and it is rare I get sir'd and usually when I don't get a good shave. I do wonder though what happens if I go all the way, get a job as a girl waiting tables or something, and then want to go back. I have pretty severe dysphoria and it's been unmanageable for a long time now.

In the spirit of the OP, I was onc what you would consider non-transitioning, non-HRT trans. I had a GF that knew all about me, treated me female and in many ways it was like we were in a lesbian relationship, and I'm fairly androgynous so people don't exactly treat me male as is, and all this was great and it allowed me to put off taking HRT because she told me if you start taking hormones or dressing to female she wouldn't be able to deal with it.

I don't exactly what changed or when, but towards the end of our relationship (engagement), she start saying things about I act too female and it scares her and she wanted e to grow a beard and stuff. I did grow the beard which took forever and ruined my face to this day. Before I could barely grow facial hair and didn't have beard shadow but after it got bad. Finally she broke up with me as the "sex was too gentle" and "she changed" all of which meant she didn't want to date someone so feminine anymore.

The other thing was towards the end of the relationship my diysphoria was becoming bad again and I was researching how to get on HRT and stuff. I fully planned to do it. But the break-up destroyed me and it put off transitioning for years. Thsi was 2008. I only recently started transtioning. I feel like I lost the last five years of my life when it would have been perfect to transition. Now I'm 30 and worried the HRT won't work.

So my point is being non-transitioning has it's perks but, for me, in the end it just wasn't enough. I did it for years from age 20-25 when I knew what I had to do and now I just feel like I wasted so  much time and have cheated myself out of a full life and all I can hope for is a "half life."

Quote from: Just Kate on August 03, 2013, 09:29:21 AM
I was on HRT even after I detransitioned off and on.  I had an orchiechomy as well during transition so no testosterone.  Although for a very short (3 month) period I went back on T but realized very quickly that was a huge mistake.  When I stopped taking hormones my body didn't revert really.  Breasts same size (small A) since you asked.

I passed as male because I look like a feminized male in the end.  Yes, I can at a moment's notice pass as female with the right presentation, but if I don't do anything (especially if I don't shave) people assume I'm male - albeit a very pretty one.

OK, wow - this sort of thing happened to me - but for a different reason - I detransitioned twice - once because someone pressured me to for a relationship - and once due to reparative therapy - and between the first two I restarted HRT   and after the second I started again after only 2 years even though I was married to the womyn who I met in the church who put me through reparative therapy.

  I'm so glad I stumbled on to this thread. I am a genetic male, non-transitioner sorta by choice... sorta. My wife is having a hard time with it, she doesn't want a wife, but neither of us will leave the other. It's just not going to happen. We love each other too much to be apart. After a few months of therapy, I had decided not to transition and am trying to find ways of coping with that decision. Immediately after deciding this, I found myself repressing again. When I realized this, I knew I needed to find another way of coping. I really don't know what to do though. It's a constant struggle, I feel so lost, and randomly get incredibly depressed. My gender therapist stopped taking insurance and has zero experience with this path, so am seeing someone else who is not as familiar with it, but sure is trying and who I am very comfortable talking with.

I once considered HRT and got an approval letter from psychiatrist, but the surgeon denied it because I have wife and kids. He said that he will prescribe hormones if I visit his office again with my wife. I said this to my wife, but I already gave up HRT. I am fine without HRT.

barbie~~

Quote from: insideontheoutside on July 28, 2013, 08:02:02 PM
Yes, I suppose genderqueer is a better "catch all" simply because of the non-transition thing.

Except for people like me who are genderqueer and are on HRT

EDIT: I have no desire or will ever go through SRS though, I have no issues with my boy parts However I feel more comfortable being feminine and am trying to become more so through HRT. I perfer to be gender fluid and genderqueer etc.

I don't think HRT should be A prerequisite to transitioning. Being an older gal there might be problems to be able to start HRT.  Non-Op and no HRT shouldn't exclude anyone from transitioning as they is so much more to it than that.  I will find out soon whether I can do HRT health wise .

Samantha

I dont have any desire to change my lower feminine parts, they arent my issue. Its my upper half i want to change and get on HRT to gain a bit more of a masculine look.

Hi everyone I've been reading posts here for a long time but finally just registered and decided to post. I think I'm probably considered bi-gender because I sometimes feel completely male and sometimes completely female. Biologically I am female though I have always been a more masculine tomboy. I'm married to a man and can't really tell my family or spouse the truth as I have a cousin who is a lesbian and my family didnt respond to that very well, I just know I'd lose everything. I am content to be a tomboy sometimes, though I have male friends I've met online and would like to hang out with them in real life too. I have to do everything in secret so none of my other family/friends know my male vs female roles. My life is incredibly confusing and I wish I identified completely as male or female as it would be so much easier if I could just transition instead of live what feels like a double life.

So yes I'm not on HRT and not transitioning, just trying my best to live.

Quote from: overdrive on August 20, 2013, 01:57:33 PM
Hi everyone I've been reading posts here for a long time but finally just registered and decided to post. I think I'm probably considered bi-gender because I sometimes feel completely male and sometimes completely female. Biologically I am female though I have always been a more masculine tomboy. I'm married to a man and can't really tell my family or spouse the truth as I have a cousin who is a lesbian and my family didnt respond to that very well, I just know I'd lose everything. I am content to be a tomboy sometimes, though I have male friends I've met online and would like to hang out with them in real life too. I have to do everything in secret so none of my other family/friends know my male vs female roles. My life is incredibly confusing and I wish I identified completely as male or female as it would be so much easier if I could just transition instead of live what feels like a double life.

So yes I'm not on HRT and not transitioning, just trying my best to live.

Welcome, overdrive. I pretty much live the "double life" thing. The guy I married does know and accepts me but we put on an "act" to the rest of the world as far as married stuff goes. Only 3 other people know, none of whom are members of my family.

I fall under the definition of no hormones, no ops ftm too. And I'm also attracted to men only.

I'd really like to talk to you guys some more. Is there a way to send a private message? I can't access the profiles.

" but nothing about HRT necessarily forces you to transition or changes you so much it requires you do so."

I think we as ftm don't have that option. I have seen trans guys who have developed beards and had irreversible voice change with very low doses of Testosterone (gel). I'd certainly start testosterone if I could, because I have massive problems with female hormones. But that would mean to go the whole way or accept being irreversibly in-between (which would frighten the ->-bleeped-<- out of me).

Quote from: angelax on August 16, 2013, 01:43:31 PM
  I'm so glad I stumbled on to this thread. I am a genetic male, non-transitioner sorta by choice... sorta. My wife is having a hard time with it, she doesn't want a wife, but neither of us will leave the other. It's just not going to happen. We love each other too much to be apart. After a few months of therapy, I had decided not to transition and am trying to find ways of coping with that decision. Immediately after deciding this, I found myself repressing again. When I realized this, I knew I needed to find another way of coping. I really don't know what to do though. It's a constant struggle, I feel so lost, and randomly get incredibly depressed. My gender therapist stopped taking insurance and has zero experience with this path, so am seeing someone else who is not as familiar with it, but sure is trying and who I am very comfortable talking with.

angelax

there are many of us who are either non binary or unable to fully transition.  Taking low dose hrt will either kill or take the edge off the dysphoria.  Minor additional changes also make a significant difference to your level of dysphoria; clothing, hair and hair removal to name a few may help you feel more feminine/andro and authentic.  If you find the right balance you can find a better place for you which also works for your wife.  Requires a good endo and careful exploration and plenty of communication

Aisla

I have enjoyed reading everyone's comments on this. I may be an odd one given I have always been masculine and just accepted that was how I was and my mother left me be for the most part when she realized I had no desire to be feminine. I don't know how far I want to take things just yet but I do know I'm trans.  HRT is interesting and something I am considering but the surgeries are something I'm not sure about. Has anyone ever been in a position where they are already socially accepted before they even knew they were trans? I know I am not interested in bottom surgery but top surgery is still an uncertainty but I would be alright if I did neither. I'm just in a place where I'm questioning everything and it is nice to know that others can be happy without medical intervention or making decisions to only go so far as they want to.

I am living full-time besides when I have to show ID and documents since here in Italy it's very hard to change sex legally, and you need sterilization.
I can't have any HRT because of major health problems (in my teens I survived a lymphoma with chemotherapy), so it's not an option for me. I have to accept myself as a man without transitioning. I'm lucky that I already have some manly traits so I can manage the thing, more or less. And to be honest I'm happy with who I am, with binder I pass most of the times.
I'm socially accepted, not from everyone, but I have many good friends and a girlfriend that loves me. It's not all easy and smooth but I can say I have a pretty decent life.

The thing that really bugs me it's the document/legal issue, I can't change my name so I always have to explain...

I won't be transitioning because it's more or less one-way.  I enjoy being a gal, but I embrace my masculinity too and the days I feel so strongly female I want to transition are intermittent.  What makes it easy to be genderfluid is that I pass with little trouble when dolled up and I have a feminine body.  In reality, both extremes are reflections of my true self, I just don't get many opportunities to express my feminine side (which might be why the feelings get so strong on occasion).  When I move out to a different city, I'll be able to live a genderfluid lifestyle and I'll be happier.

Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on June 12, 2014, 02:43:14 AM
I won't be transitioning because it's more or less one-way.  I enjoy being a gal, but I embrace my masculinity too and the days I feel so strongly female I want to transition are intermittent.  What makes it easy to be genderfluid is that I pass with little trouble when dolled up and I have a feminine body.  In reality, both extremes are reflections of my true self, I just don't get many opportunities to express my feminine side (which might be why the feelings get so strong on occasion).  When I move out to a different city, I'll be able to live a genderfluid lifestyle and I'll be happier.

Yup, transition or at least some sort of GD-reduction oriented therapy is more tricky when applied with regard to non-binaries, cause standard routes which work for MtF/FtM transition wont have the desired effect, or would have unpredictable consequences. A lot of pros and cons are involved and some of those are not even apparent from the first glance.