I'm not stealth and I haven't really tried to be in the past. These days though I am trying to skew my life in that direction. I'm okay with friends and family that know me from before knowing about my past, as long as they can keep their pie-holes shut whenever I'm not around (I've already had to ditch a few friends that couldn't keep their mouths shut).
People talking is just the worst though. I don't know why they do it. Many think it is totally okay to do it. Some just can't grasp why I don't want people to know. Even my mother was baffled when I told her last year that I don't like being around strangers who heard it through the grapevine. It had never even crossed her mind.
Some people feel they have a duty to inform others. Usually they are of the opinion that brutal honesty at all times is the only way to go, or else you are some sort of scum with no integrity. They'll usually say this right before they tell you your face is ugly or something ("Whale biologist!") . I had a friend like this out me on my facebook page. He referred to me with my former name in a comment to something I posted. Luckily I was online and was able to delete it in seconds. I confronted him and told him to never ever do it again. His reaction was utmost surprise and he seemed to think my behavior was deceptive and immoral. He said he would respect my wish but he thought it was wrong of me to not have it all out in the public.
People don't understand why I don't like it when others know. They don't understand why it matters, but it does. Usually when I'm around people I can tell if they know or not. I can sense it because they act different from how people normally act around others. It's in their eyes. How they look at me and how they are only half hearing anything I say because they are way to preoccupied checking out the amazing freak of nature that I am in their eyes. Coming out to people as a trans woman is the equivalent of coming out as a human clone or an android. I often feel like an artifact around people who knows. I have little interest in feeling that way.
I often hear others say they think being stealth sounds stressful. I used to think so too, but my experience so far tells me it's not really so. Once it has been established that no-one knows then there's nothing to worry about, because if they don't know, how could they find out? A few weeks back I started seeing a guy. He doesn't know and being with him is just great. I was out with him on Friday night and he spent last night here at my place, and the entire time with him this weekend I didn't even once think or worry about my you-know-what status because I know he can't clock me. To me stealth is peace of mind. It's just too bad there are so many people out there with the ability to wreck it for me.
