Stealth or open?

[MariaMx]

The seven year itch seems to have some consistency. Good luck on pastures greener.

It wasn't anything like that. Things had been off for a while. And FYI, I was out on the pasture all night long and it looked pretty damn green to me 

[Dreams2014]

I don't understand why the word "stealth" is used. It seems to imply that we're being deceitful.

I mean, isn't the point of a transition to be treated exactly the same as other people of your gender? It seems to defy the point if we're expected to share our life story or else feel like we're deceiving people.

It seems to me that when somebody makes a successful transition, they are as much that gender as any cis is. And so there should be no obligation to feel they have to be open about it. Of course I understand that there are those who are proud about it and are happily open.

[vegie271]

I was in a similar situation to Jeanette.

So no stealth - and no problems. People have been totally accepting, there is one (male) person who doesn't talk to me anymore, and much to my surprise he is now being ignored by his colleagues. But guys I have worked with for 20+ years hold the door open for me, let me in the lift first, open taxi doors for me. Essentially treat me with the courtesy they treat all woman they work with.

And my female co-workers have been fantastic. Funnily we were having a female discussion of the comfort or lack of comfort of wearing 'thong' undies and the effect they had on our boyfriends/husbands etc, which stopped immediately a guy came in to the tea room. Obviously we didn't want to embarrass him. But it was very revealing!!!!!

So don't get too hung up. I think the world is changing, at least in civilised countries - but the uncivilised ones often surprise me with their location! The land of the free doesn't seem to always live up to it's moniker. While the ocker Australian macho beer swilling bloke - seems to be very accepting.

Strange

Unfortunately I live in the USA - pretty much it defines itself as an uncivilized nation - it likes to invade others and bombs the heck out of them - I would call that as about as uncivilized as they get - where I live hate crimes still happen - and the police refuse to do anything about them -

therefore I will be stealth from now on - I am moving to a new city to implement this

[Heather]

I choose to live open. Because I have nothing to be ashamed of or hide. And I live in the US and the south and I'm proud of that! I wouldn't live anywhere else this country has given me the freedom to live my life as I see fit and I'm grateful for that. 

[kelly_aus]

I practice what a friend calls 'open stealth'. All this really means is that I have a bunch of old friends and family in my life who know, I have some newer friends that know and some newer friends that don't. I don't advertise the fact that I'm trans, but I also don't deny it, nor do I attempt to hide my past in any way.

[MariaMx]

I practice what a friend calls 'open stealth'. All this really means is that I have a bunch of old friends and family in my life who know, I have some newer friends that know and some newer friends that don't. I don't advertise the fact that I'm trans, but I also don't deny it, nor do I attempt to hide my past in any way.

How do you keep them from outing you to other people?

[kelly_aus]

How do you keep them from outing you to other people?

They are aware that I'd prefer they didn't and they love and respect me enough to follow my request. And 99% of the time, they don't. When they do, oh well, not like it's a huge secret.

[StellaB]

I adopt a DEDD (Don't Explain Don't Deny) approach which has become a happy medium.

[Katie10]

I decided to just be stealth unless I'm going to be in a romantic relationship with someone.

[Nov413]

I practice what a friend calls 'open stealth'. All this really means is that I have a bunch of old friends and family in my life who know, I have some newer friends that know and some newer friends that don't. I don't advertise the fact that I'm trans, but I also don't deny it, nor do I attempt to hide my past in any way.

This is really what I started doing and it is a very good tactic, especially the denial part. My biggest issue with being "stealth" is that it sort of felt like lying, but I realise that I don't HAVE to tell people. If they ask I won't deny. It's not like I go around telling people about other things in the past, even if they are harmless. Why is this any different?

[Teela Renee]

I started as stealth, till I could pass then came to work as a woman, Walked straight into the HR office, said my new name is Teela Reene (keepin my last name secret)  and for now on im a woman. March out of the office, went outside smoked a cig, then came back inside and clocked it.  Scariest moment of my life and my managers thought it was great. Confused the hell out of me, my bosses still love me and call me to cover peoples shifts all the time.

[vegie271]

I decided to just be stealth unless I'm going to be in a romantic relationship with someone.

Well of course that would have to be someone to tell and trust -

and I would reveal then after dating for a little while - after I was sure I could trust them. Seriously I am scared to death here.

[Teela Renee]

Well of course that would have to be someone to tell and trust -

and I would reveal then after dating for a little while - after I was sure I could trust them. Seriously I am scared to death here.

I tell them before the first date, it helps avoid any drama.

[Heather]

I started as stealth, till I could pass then came to work as a woman, Walked straight into the HR office, said my new name is Teela Reene (keepin my last name secret)  and for now on im a woman. March out of the office, went outside smoked a cig, then came back inside and clocked it.  Scariest moment of my life and my managers thought it was great. Confused the hell out of me, my bosses still love me and call me to cover peoples shifts all the time.

That's awesome that took guts!

[wheat thins are delicious]

I choose to live open. Because I have nothing to be ashamed of or hide. And I live in the US and the south and I'm proud of that! I wouldn't live anywhere else this country has given me the freedom to live my life as I see fit and I'm grateful for that. 

This implies that all stealth people are ashamed of being trans.  I'm not ashamed of being trans, but I transitioned to live as a man, not to live as a trans man. 

[Heather]

This implies that all stealth people are ashamed of being trans.  I'm not ashamed of being trans, but I transitioned to live as a man, not to live as a trans man.

I'm sorry I meant no offense. But I do have a question are you stealth or are you just not telling people your trans? There is a difference.  I'm not really going around telling everyone. People that are close to me know. But if somebody found out I wouldn't be that devastated. My definition of stealth is nobody knows not even the people close to you don't know.   

[wheat thins are delicious]

I'm sorry I meant no offense. But I do have a question are you stealth or are you just not telling people your trans? There is a difference.  I'm not really going around telling everyone. People that are close to me know. But if somebody found out I wouldn't be that devastated. My definition of stealth is nobody knows not even the people close to you don't know.   

I'm stealth, otherwise I wouldn't have posted in here and implied that I'm stealth.  Obviously my family knows, my best friend also knows, as well as my doctor. 

[Heather]

I'm stealth, otherwise I wouldn't have posted in here and implied that I'm stealth.  Obviously my family knows, my best friend also knows, as well as my doctor.

Look I'm really not trying to have an argument with you. If you go back and look at my original post and then look at the one right above it and read it. You will get my intent. Have a nice day!

[vegie271]

I'm sorry I meant no offense. But I do have a question are you stealth or are you just not telling people your trans? There is a difference.  I'm not really going around telling everyone. People that are close to me know. But if somebody found out I wouldn't be that devastated. My definition of stealth is nobody knows not even the people close to you don't know.

I am sorry - but even if I am stealth I am going to have to tell my doctor or I am going to have to get my HRT illegally, and then I am going to be at a real high health risk, there might be a few people in the office who figure it out also, I may need to trust a therapist also, since I am actually forced to linve in a horribly croweded city and I am autistic I hate people they make 0 sencse to me I would rather live in the woods so I need to talk occassionally.

I also would like to go back to school - they are going to need to see my school records from U.C Berkeley so one or two people in the admissions office might find out.

stealth means not telling people who are out in LIFE that you encounter, who see you.

[Heather]

stealth means not telling people who are out in LIFE that you encounter, who see you.

Everybody is going to have their own definition of what stealth is to them. Trust me I'm not advocating a life style and what you consider stealth is different from me.
Quite frankly who you tell is none of my business. By your definition I would be stealth! (Well if I pass that is!) I'm not going around telling everyone I'm trans but I'm not full time yet either. But even if I do pass I'm not going to announce it to everyone. But I'm staying at my job for now so I have no choice but to be out.
Anyways this is the last I will say about this people get way too over sensitive with this subject. All I have to say is no matter what your interpretation of stealth is if your happy awesome! But from now on I'll never respond to one of these stealth threads again they are just way too contentious than I like. And help nobody so as the old saying goes I won't touch this subject with a 10ft pole.